again my back to work situation

Anonymous

Well-known member
#1
I just dont know what to do...I only think happy thoughts/memories of what i do for a living, but when i get right down to preparing for going back, my chest burns, head hurts, i get dizzy and want to scream.......What do i do,,,,,i seem to be real ok when i can just do non pressure things, and i can still do lots of things without HAVING to put myself into that trama again....It's killing me, and im within retirement range,,,,just without medical benifits and i just dont know what to do. Is it worth killing myself to try to go back......ohhhhhh, im so upset. Sorry, prob again not making much sense...im just so sad that i cant handle 2 more years......but dont know even that i SHOULD....gosh, mabie it's time to follow what i CAN do without all the stress.... :cry:
 

shep

Well-known member
#2
Hi Scardecat,
Sorry to hear of your present problems. I asked in a previous post if it is possible to explain your situation to your supervisor or boss and request a less (much less) stressful sitution than the one you face when you return? I see that you are getting very worked up over this and nothing can be worth sacrificing your mental health for. I suspect that if you return to this situation, it will be stressful for you every workday. If for some reason it is not possible for you to request another situation, I think I would consult a lawyer for advice or to a labor relations board or something like that. How about the possibility of going on workers compensation because this is a disability without any doubt? Please give this some thought and perhaps think of some other avenue for help. Someone must be made to understand why you cannot return to work and that it is due to disability and not loss of any desire to work. This must be clear to your boss. Perhaps you will need to go to a shrink and obtain an official diagnosis for your boss or for workers comp. Just remember, there's a way out of this and you have time to think about your next step.
Good luck Scardecat and I hope that someone with a background in this sort of stuff (a lawyer perhaps) spots your post and can give you some good sound advice.
 

Anonymous

Well-known member
#3
Thanks for response, and yea, im really upset. I have been going to a dr. and he isn't even pushing pills. :) He knows how i feel about that, and i wont go that way cause they tried that and it was worse.....FOR ME. It was a very short time (10 days) is all i could take. I am able to retire i think on dissability retirement but i just feel like im SUPOSE to continue so i dont loose my hard earned benifits that i would receive if i could stay for two more years. But i cant so now i just dont know that i could be drug through wk comp, but that the disability retirement is what i can handle. Sort of anyway. It's so awful ! but i think you said earlier that you are much better now retired. Well, since i've been off for 5 months now, i actually feel like im cheeting,,,that is until i try to go back and the ole crap reappears. I think i just need to figure what i actually can and cant do and go for it and quit torturing myself. Thanks again, I wish i knew what kind of lawer could handle this causse im not having much fight in me these days. (wk comp it is though like you said cause i sort of "lost it" because of a fight at work..physical fight...not including me but i got thrown and had surgury over it....didnt know at the time that my mental was what was gonna get the best of me though :( )
 

shep

Well-known member
#4
If a doctor will verify that you are disabled due to sa, you should have the rights that any other disabled person has. Perhaps your doctor can inform your employer of this. If yours is a civil service position, I don't think that you can be laid off due to a disability. Most lawyers will sit down and talk about your situation and not charge for initial consultation. If you try one and he is not the type of lawyer you need, he will recommend someone to you. I can certainly understand your not wanting to lose your benefits after all these years. I believe your doctor and a lawyer is a good way to start to get some people who are on your side.
Yes, things are a bit easier for me now that I'm retired. You will be ok too when you get the pressure of this thing off your shoulders. Disability has its drawbacks, but it should ease your mind knowing that you have that out if need be. In the meantime, talk to a lawyer and he will at least help you decide on how to proceed, what your best choice should be. Explain to him that you now have a doctor certified nervous condition and are disabled by it. Well, all the best. Hope this is a help. :roll:
 
#5
hello Scardecat

your situation echoes mine somewhat.
i have become progressively less able to function in my work situation.
i had a vacation period during which all i did was feel sick with anxiety about having to go back to work.
every avenue for escape went through my head.
escape was all i was thinking about.
the social anxiety and depression is at a peak, so i went to see an employee counsellor 2 weeks ago who arranged for me to see a doctor. the doctor gave me 3 months off work so i have a reprieve, a temporary escape from a permanent situation. i am now filled with anxiety and guilt for being off work, can't tell my parents etc. filled with dread about returning to work and what the workplace must be thinking of me (i know i cannot go back there) and about the fact i've let people down there. it's like a no-win situation either way.
the workplace was notified by the employee counsellor, yet still my workplace is trying to contact me for more information. i am not answering the phone or responding to their calls. i removed my belongings from the workplace late at night, so that i wouldn't have to see anyone. it is simply like there is no way out of any of this.
despite the 3 months' temporary 'escape', it brings with it different anxieties and guilt and fears. i empathise with you in that i'm filled with terror about having to return to work too.
i wish i had answers for you and comforting words. i hope you find a way to help you out of the enforced return to work. is there anything else your employer could offer you in terms of type of work or reduced or different responsibilities which might be more appropriate/sympathetic to your current needs? has your employer made you fully aware of options available and are they fully aware of the extent of your disability?

take care.
 

Anonymous

Well-known member
#6
boy, thank yu both so much. I am receiving some reliefe in that it is out of my hands to return or not to work. My dr wont release me for quite a while , if ever, because i get vertigo(from anxiety) and fall so would be a liability at my job. It hits a sad spot that after all this time with my job that i cant finish. but wacomtablet, echo yur position.....i'd say mirrior :lol: We sound like the same person. you sound younger though :wink: and i sure hope you can get some good advice. It's terrifying though isnt it. It feels so redicioulus and answering the phone......forget it! It's too scary. But whats so bad is in "words" how much can a phone hurt but dang if i havnt been hiding from it for 5 months now. And going to get my stuff,,,i havnt even gone yet..way to scarry. Horrifing, i cant even emagin.And.........what i think is amazing is that i feel i lead a somewhat normal life if not faced with "performance". I finally have it narrowed down to that. It's like what was happening at school (my job) latly too was that i was going to be having to do a lesson with my students infront of a teacher. (im an aide that works with special needs kids) That put the nail on the head. I do real good with the kids but DONT WATCH ME! Ohhhhhhh, i just cant do it! So much more but i very much understand what your going through....oh so much!! so much actually that i need to stop right now cause i got myself spazen out right now and i was gonna say somethin else but.........Later :( And shep, im very grateful for all your input! thanks,,,,,i'll be back when i calm down......
 
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