Afraid to meet my partners parents

[susieq]

I have never met my boyfriends parents or any of his family even though we have been together for almost 4 years. Every time I am invited to meet them I pretend I am busy or ill, and sometimes I actually become physically ill at the thought of going. I have had other partners in the past and have never met their families either. I even once ended a relationship because I was running out of excuses to get out of family gatherings. I find my social anxiety is better or worse depending on the situation I am in. Meeting my boyfriends parents is the most terrifying situation I can imagine. My biggest fear is that the will see how nervous I am and think I am strange. When I feel anxious I go very red and shake and am unable to speak, sometimes i get dizzy and have to go and throw up, when they see me like this what are they going to think is wrong with me? I really dont want this to cause the end of my relationship. My friends who dont understand social anxiety just tell me to just go and stop worrying (yeah sure thanks, never thought of that!) can anyone offer me any advice?

 

[GraybeardGhost]

Have you discussed this with your boyfriend? If he's worth his salt, he should be more than willing to help you find a solution to this dilemma. Perhaps you could go with him to meet them one at a time, so it's more casual and feels less like a court-martial, or maybe you could start by talking to one or both of them on the phone. It might be easier to meet a sibling or other relative first and then work your way up to meeting his parents. Good luck! :thumbup:

 

[susieq]

thanks for your reply Graybeard. i have discussed the problem with may boyfriend and he is really patient and understanding about it. but we agree that it will have to be resolved at some point. I like your idea about talking on the phone first or maybe even a video call as we currently live quite far apart. thanks for your advice

 

[xDreamseller]

I don't have any experience in this, so don't take my advice too seriously.

Maybe you could try meeting them somewhere neutral that you can leave if you feel the pressure is getting too much to handle. If you go to their house, it might be more difficult to just get up and leave than if you met at a coffee shop or something. It's also more informal and might feel like there is less pressure.

The main thing though is to not take what they say too seriously. You're in love with your boyfriend and not his whole family. As long as he likes you, that's all that really matters. Not that you won't impress his parents anyway