AFRAID TO BE FRIENDS WITH REGULAR PEOPLE

estelle

Member
These days I feel like It's better off for me if I talk to and befriend people with the same issues as me, SA for example.
Somehow I feel left out and not fitting in if I befriend "regular" people. Is anyone feeling the same as me?
 

lily

Well-known member
I think I'm best off with people who have a mental health challenge like SA, but I wouldn't write off being friends with a regular person if I just felt comfortable with them.
 

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
I think most of the people I know, especially my friends, have some mental health challenges, usually depression or anxiety, but not necessarily social anxiety. I don't seek out any friends, so any friends I have basically have to approach me, which I think decreases the likelihood of me befriending many people who also have social anxiety.

I almost never feel like I fit in with any people, regardless of who they are.
 

Xervello

Well-known member
These days I feel like It's better off for me if I talk to and befriend people with the same issues as me, SA for example.
Somehow I feel left out and not fitting in if I befriend "regular" people. Is anyone feeling the same as me?

It's completely understandable to feel that way. Being around "regular" people can feel like a high wire act if you have social anxiety. You tend to be overly cautious not to do anything that makes whatever awkwardness one might have stand out and potentially be mocked or humiliated. So it would make sense that being around others with the same anxiety feels less stressful because you're presumably around someone who understands, can possibly sympathize and at the very least won't make fun of you or humiliate you for something they themself have. However, some people with social anxiety tend to lack certain social skills and can just as easily be as challenging to deal with because their anxiety can make them less self aware, more selfish, extremely shy and unresponsive, uncomfortably honest, etc. On the flipside, they can also be delightful, welcoming and a whole host of positive things, too.

Having discovered, developed and understood more about my own social anxiety over the past 15 years, I've become more comfortable around "regular" people. I can play the part of a "regular" person in social situations all the while being inwardly anxious. Though I desire companionship, I still prefer being alone most of the time. Were I to socialize, I think I could be friends with "regular" people. So long as they liked my personality, I think a slow integration of who I really am and a patient education of my anxieties would help them understand and be cool with it. And who's to say that a person that seems "regular" to you isn't internally struggling with their own anxiety.

Btw, have you befriended with anyone with social anxiety?
 

Xervello

Well-known member
I think most of the people I know, especially my friends, have some mental health challenges, usually depression or anxiety, but not necessarily social anxiety. I don't seek out any friends, so any friends I have basically have to approach me, which I think decreases the likelihood of me befriending many people who also have social anxiety.

I almost never feel like I fit in with any people, regardless of who they are.

Do you feel like you fit in with any of the friends you have?

I think the only thing that's possibly worse than being alone is being around other people and still feeling alone.
 

lilmutegirl

Well-known member
Do you feel like you fit in with any of the friends you have?

I think the only thing that's possibly worse than being alone is being around other people and still feeling alone.
Sometimes I feel like I fit in, but it's usually brief. I can feel like I am around "my people" for a short period, but it wears off, and I don't feel it every time I'm around those people.

I tend to feel more comfortable around a single person than in a group as well. So, I might feel like I fit in with each person individually, but once we are all together, that feeling lessens.

On the upside, my friends and I are similarly low-maintenance (most of them are more high-maintenance than I am, but not superficial), so at least on some level, feel like my appearance is appropriate, so I don't get distracted with that, as well as personality differences.
 
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