Accepting myself rant

[KiaKaha]

I am having trouble lately with self acceptance lately. Particularly with the way I look, and partly with my personality. Its frustrating, because I try to treat people the way that I would like to be treated, but fail often to get others to warm up to me...I try to be lighthearted, easy going, and illustrate my sense of humour to others and I also try to be sensitive and non jugemental. I also use manners and common courtesy, but despite all this I feel others view me as weak, or inferior... or maybe even creepy.. judging at least by the way others react towards my presence....

So, the only conclusion I can come to is that it must be my appearance. That I look a certain way and others are basing their conclusions about me through that. Im kind of skinny, I have no hair, I walk funny, I have bad posture and I look like I am sad/angry a lot of the time...not to mention I am shy and over sensitive. I have never been a "cool" guy...more like a...dork... a classic reject from high school.

Sometimes I just know that people are judging me negatively because I can see them looking at me...assessing me, and their conclusions are just negative or indifferent. It takes so much WORK to prove to others that I am none of the things that they think I am...and it all comes down to my outside shell.

Anyway, I just wanted to rant because I feel unhappy. I would appreciate if you have any thoughts.

 

[EasySkanking]

Try not to come to too quick of a conclusion that people distance themselves from you due to your appearance. A lot of people can sense when a person is trying too hard to be nice and please them. So this might be your problem here. People see that as "desperate" and off-putting - just my opinion, without sugar-coating.

My suggestion is to just be yourself - put your needs, decires and happiness before other's instead of putting theirs ahead of yours. It is okay to offend people, and it is okay to disagree with them (that is normal). Trying to please people all the time and agreeing with them *is not*. Maybe that's why people see you as weak, because they see that you're trying very hard to get their approval (a sign of "desperation").

Don't try to be nice, or try to get people's approval of you. Just be yourself - your true self. People even like "dick$" they are funny and entertaining (even if a little insulting at times) - for example.

 

[KiaKaha]

Yes, you make some good points. I do try and people please. I hate to say it but I do, because I crave acceptance...and to be noticed. I am pretty sure that if I didnt make any kind of effort I would be invisible to everyone. Perhaps I shouldnt try so hard. I need to work on my own self esteem and self acceptance first. Actually on a second read, what you say rings true. Sometimes tho, I dont even need to do anything, and people *DO* judge me on the way I look...at least thats what I think they are doing.... its unfair.... its hard to explain what I mean.

 

[Looking_in105]

which of the following three do you think an 'average' person feels easier to approach or talk to? an 1) ugly person 2) good looking person or 3) neutral looking person?

do you think someone, for eg. a shop cashier, would be less willing to greet an ugly or good looking person? how do you feel in situations where a cashier in a supermarket has not greeted you, but the cashier greeted the customer before AND after you?

 

[EasySkanking]

Realize that people may not judge you as much as you think they do. This "believe" is a result of faulty thinking that is caused by a shrinkage of you brain as a reaction of anxiety. You think less rationally and more paranoid when you are anxious. This is a simple biological fact. So perhaps you just believe that people are judging you harshly because of the anxiety that you experience at that moment?

Unless you have a severe difference in your body (no nose, no legs, etc - which is still okay) you have no reason to believe that people distance themselves from you do to your appearance - that's silly and irrational anxiety-induced thinking . Trust me I know, from personal experience. When I do manage to be calm and read people's face to see their opinion of me, they never even acknowledge me more than neccesary (everyone is more involved with themselves than with anyone else.) No one judges and examines people more than a social phobic

 

[planemo]

I'm pretty much in the same boat as you sk, but it's got nothing to do with the way you and I look. It's got to do with the way we feel we look. If we feel unhappy or embarrassed people will identify that as our weakness, not any physical trait. As I told you before, act in front of them if you have to. Act as if you like yourself and they will back off.

The majority of people in the world won't react the way we do, to seeing and knowing how you feel. If you knew I felt the same way about how I look you wouldn't try to make me feel worse. Others out there are usually not like that. So to them the way you react is your weakness, not the way you look. Be strong and try to cope better with your sensitivity. People prey on that. Don't be willing to show them your sensitivity hoping to get a response the way you would probably respond.

This is not mean to scare you or make you feel down. I tell you this because I have suffered much agony by the same feelings. Be strong, even if it's just a fake act to fool those around you.