absolutely no motivation etc

[lally]

right, i'm 16, homeschooled, and i have no motivation for anything really. the only motivation i have is to play the piano and draw. school work, getting a job, getting my license just doesn't strike my interests or anything.

i almost feel like i'm not normal because i don't have the urge to become a slave to a ridiculous job. i don't even care about money. i don't care if i don't have a god damn car, i don't care if i won't have any job experience. i have no motivation the normal teen would have. i probably won't be able to get a job because i'm not smiley or have an upbeat personality. and when i try to do that i feel wrong. and i hate that feeling. makes me want scream. i know fucked up.

i have a friend who is also very depressed and angry at the moment and i can't figure out a way to help him because i feel the same way. i can't think of any positive reinforcement...which them makes me feel like a bad person because i can't help a friend who really needs it.

all i want to do is read, listen to music, watch tv, play piano, and talk to my one and only friend.

another thing that has been bothering me is when i see a group of friends having a good time or something i get so depressed because i start hating myself for the way i am. i mean, i hate everything about myself.

i don't know if this is just hormones, but it just doesn't feel right. i've been this way since i was 12. it's gotten better, but it doesn't stay better. it's a weird broken up cycle of moods that are never consistent. so i guess that wouldn't be a cycle then...w/e. but i'm also starting to wonder if i have some type of bipolar.

i hope i'm not the same way once i graduate. if i am, i seriously think my life with go down the shitter and i'll eventually kill myself or do something drastic.

i guess i'm posting this stupid thread because i want to know how to gain motivation, and i want to know if there is any way of beating depression w/o having to be on drugs or going to a therapist. i've tried talking but it only helps temporarily. it's like i can't get enough help and reassurance sometimes...it's kind of weird. but i've stopped talking about the way i've been feeling to my brother and mom (the ones i talk to.) i now feel like my problems are really stupid and don't need to be brought up because they pathetic and pointless.

jesus christ i need to get to bed. i just hope someone will respond.

[end]

 

[applesewer]

Hi Lally,
You sound scarily like me...its unreal!!!

right, i'm 16, homeschooled, and i have no motivation for anything really. the only motivation i have is to play the piano and draw.

Same! The only thing I love to do is music and art, although even that recently I've been struggling to find motivation for.

school work, getting a job, getting my license just doesn't strike my interests or anything.

i almost feel like i'm not normal because i don't have the urge to become a slave to a ridiculous job.

OMG! exact same! everybody keeps telling me why don't you use your degree to get a real job, but I have absolutely no desire to work some 9-5 office job. Who cares if its good money?! that's not what lifes about!

i don't even care about money. i don't care if i don't have a god damn car,

yea same again! My family and friends can't seem to fathom why I haven't learnt to drive yet, but again I have absolutely no desire to do so! I'm happy cycling! It's way cheaper, I enjoy it, it keeps me fit, its environmentally friendly, etc.

i don't care if i won't have any job experience. i have no motivation the normal teen would have. i probably won't be able to get a job because i'm not smiley or have an upbeat personality. and when i try to do that i feel wrong. and i hate that feeling. makes me want scream. i know fucked up.

oh yea man, I hate that so much too....it just feels so fake trying to be nice and "chatty" to people, when all I really feel like talking about is depressing shit like art and philosophy or whatever. And its so annoying looking for jobs when every ad says "must have a happy, outgoing personality etc". Thats what I love about the art world. Its the only job where people almost expect you to be depressed....or at least don't judge you for it.

i have a friend who is also very depressed and angry at the moment and i can't figure out a way to help him because i feel the same way. i can't think of any positive reinforcement...which them makes me feel like a bad person because i can't help a friend who really needs it.

Yea I have a friend who's depressed aswell but its so hard to help him. Although I know one thing that definitely helps loads and that's just to listen. Just allowing him to vent for a bit, and vice versa, has a big effect. otherwise it just gets bottled up.

all i want to do is read, listen to music, watch tv, play piano, and talk to my one and only friend.

yep! same! I'm well into reading lately!

another thing that has been bothering me is when i see a group of friends having a good time or something i get so depressed because i start hating myself for the way i am. i mean, i hate everything about myself.

oh god, yea....*goes green*....I feel like this all the time! it's those deep bonds that I see other people seemingly having. When I see people hugging and kissing and laughing and joking, it just looks so nice. I wish I had it. But I feel so far away from ever getting anything even close.
I'm not sure how to turn it off, but I do know that envy is a bad thing and the solution is probably to be grateful for, and enjoy, what I've got, without comparing to others.

i don't know if this is just hormones, but it just doesn't feel right. i've been this way since i was 12. it's gotten better, but it doesn't stay better. it's a weird broken up cycle of moods that are never consistent. so i guess that wouldn't be a cycle then...w/e. but i'm also starting to wonder if i have some type of bipolar.

Yea I wonder about this too, cause sometimes I get really hyper and sometimes I feel awesome! and sometimes my moods can shift several times a day, but then also I've noticed longer cycle's over several months where things get great, then get worse etc. I think I've always told myself that our souls probably have seasons just like most other things in nature, and just like in nature, the winter seasons, whilst unpleasant, are not unvital....some of the best growing is done then.

i hope i'm not the same way once i graduate. if i am, i seriously think my life with go down the shitter and i'll eventually ***** or do something drastic.

Well please don't get too disheartened if you do....cause I'm 25 and still feel this way!!! 8O .....BUT....i'm also pretty happy in general!...I mean, I'm up and down....at the moment I'm ok....but I think you learn to deal with this shit....its just life...and I think there are ways of turning your shit into positives....there are positives to be found in everything....and when you focus on them and refuse to listen to the negatives, things do get better.

i guess i'm posting this stupid thread because i want to know how to gain motivation, and i want to know if there is any way of beating depression w/o having to be on drugs or going to a therapist. i've tried talking but it only helps temporarily. it's like i can't get enough help and reassurance sometimes...it's kind of weird. but i've stopped talking about the way i've been feeling to my brother and mom (the ones i talk to.) i now feel like my problems are really stupid and don't need to be brought up because they pathetic and pointless.

Well, personally I believe you can beat depression without drugs or therapy. Although I'm no expert and I guess it depends on each individual case. But this time last year I was so deep in it. I just had that dark black terrifying abyss all around me...everything just the scared the shit out of me...I was so shaky and worried about everything. But today I'm feeling fairly chipper actually! ....and there were two things I remember helping massively.
1. Think positive...which is cliche, but I think a lot of my negative attitudes and thoughts I kinda inflicted on myself. Whenever I'd think something was hopeless...I'd stop and think hang on....is it really hopeless?....and I'd properly meditate on the positives....and just like food,...the thoughts you feed your brain, affect the health of your soul.
2. and the other thing that helped loads was to organise all my problems and write them all down and just start chipping away, one at a time, in bitesize chunks, slowly but surely. So if lack of money was worrying me, I'd get a job. and if getting a job worried me, I'd figure out why and then start as small as possible...just a part time job, a few hours a week.

I feel like I've got a billion other things I could tell you but I'm rambling on a bit so I'd best leave it at that!

jesus christ i need to get to bed. i just hope someone will respond.
[end]

night night!

 

[**removed**]

I match up pretty well to what you said.. especially the part about getting a job and being upbeat lol.

What job do you do worrywort? I don't want to work a typical 9-5 when I get a job though its hard to get away from it. I guess education and degrees can give you more options.. If you do anything lally focus more on your education, look how many people are out there doing jobs they hate but dont have the skills to do otherwise.

 

[applesewer]

well I've been quite lucky....I've got several jobs. one I've been doing since I was about 12...I knit jumpers for my aunties shop. I make about £3000-£4000 a year doing that. The second, again I've been lucky, I do CAD engineering work for my bro...its fairly simple stuff...£20 an hour which is sweet, but less work so I make about the same annually with that. Both these jobs I work from home on my own time which I'm SOOOO grateful for. Then recently I've started a part time shift at my local supermarket...mainly for the challenge...to prove to myself I can do it...and to get myself out the house etc...and thats going surprisingly well so far! and that's also about £3000-4000 a year. Then lastly, if I manage to get any free time what I really LOVE to do is art...so I try to sell my music and art....I've made a coupla hundred so far...but I've spent way more than that so that avenue needs a bit of work!!! Check out my link below to my website if you're interested!

 

[lally]

Hi Lally,
You sound scarily like me...its unreal!!!

right, i'm 16, homeschooled, and i have no motivation for anything really. the only motivation i have is to play the piano and draw.

Same! The only thing I love to do is music and art, although even that recently I've been struggling to find motivation for.

school work, getting a job, getting my license just doesn't strike my interests or anything.

i almost feel like i'm not normal because i don't have the urge to become a slave to a ridiculous job.

OMG! exact same! everybody keeps telling me why don't you use your degree to get a real job, but I have absolutely no desire to work some 9-5 office job. Who cares if its good money?! that's not what lifes about!

i don't even care about money. i don't care if i don't have a god damn car,

yea same again! My family and friends can't seem to fathom why I haven't learnt to drive yet, but again I have absolutely no desire to do so! I'm happy cycling! It's way cheaper, I enjoy it, it keeps me fit, its environmentally friendly, etc.

i don't care if i won't have any job experience. i have no motivation the normal teen would have. i probably won't be able to get a job because i'm not smiley or have an upbeat personality. and when i try to do that i feel wrong. and i hate that feeling. makes me want scream. i know fucked up.

oh yea man, I hate that so much too....it just feels so fake trying to be nice and "chatty" to people, when all I really feel like talking about is depressing shit like art and philosophy or whatever. And its so annoying looking for jobs when every ad says "must have a happy, outgoing personality etc". Thats what I love about the art world. Its the only job where people almost expect you to be depressed....or at least don't judge you for it.

i have a friend who is also very depressed and angry at the moment and i can't figure out a way to help him because i feel the same way. i can't think of any positive reinforcement...which them makes me feel like a bad person because i can't help a friend who really needs it.

Yea I have a friend who's depressed aswell but its so hard to help him. Although I know one thing that definitely helps loads and that's just to listen. Just allowing him to vent for a bit, and vice versa, has a big effect. otherwise it just gets bottled up.

all i want to do is read, listen to music, watch tv, play piano, and talk to my one and only friend.

yep! same! I'm well into reading lately!

another thing that has been bothering me is when i see a group of friends having a good time or something i get so depressed because i start hating myself for the way i am. i mean, i hate everything about myself.

oh god, yea....*goes green*....I feel like this all the time! it's those deep bonds that I see other people seemingly having. When I see people hugging and kissing and laughing and joking, it just looks so nice. I wish I had it. But I feel so far away from ever getting anything even close.
I'm not sure how to turn it off, but I do know that envy is a bad thing and the solution is probably to be grateful for, and enjoy, what I've got, without comparing to others.

i don't know if this is just hormones, but it just doesn't feel right. i've been this way since i was 12. it's gotten better, but it doesn't stay better. it's a weird broken up cycle of moods that are never consistent. so i guess that wouldn't be a cycle then...w/e. but i'm also starting to wonder if i have some type of bipolar.

Yea I wonder about this too, cause sometimes I get really hyper and sometimes I feel awesome! and sometimes my moods can shift several times a day, but then also I've noticed longer cycle's over several months where things get great, then get worse etc. I think I've always told myself that our souls probably have seasons just like most other things in nature, and just like in nature, the winter seasons, whilst unpleasant, are not unvital....some of the best growing is done then.

i hope i'm not the same way once i graduate. if i am, i seriously think my life with go down the shitter and i'll eventually ***** or do something drastic.

Well please don't get too disheartened if you do....cause I'm 25 and still feel this way!!! 8O .....BUT....i'm also pretty happy in general!...I mean, I'm up and down....at the moment I'm ok....but I think you learn to deal with this shit....its just life...and I think there are ways of turning your shit into positives....there are positives to be found in everything....and when you focus on them and refuse to listen to the negatives, things do get better.

i guess i'm posting this stupid thread because i want to know how to gain motivation, and i want to know if there is any way of beating depression w/o having to be on drugs or going to a therapist. i've tried talking but it only helps temporarily. it's like i can't get enough help and reassurance sometimes...it's kind of weird. but i've stopped talking about the way i've been feeling to my brother and mom (the ones i talk to.) i now feel like my problems are really stupid and don't need to be brought up because they pathetic and pointless.

Well, personally I believe you can beat depression without drugs or therapy. Although I'm no expert and I guess it depends on each individual case. But this time last year I was so deep in it. I just had that dark black terrifying abyss all around me...everything just the scared the shit out of me...I was so shaky and worried about everything. But today I'm feeling fairly chipper actually! ....and there were two things I remember helping massively.
1. Think positive...which is cliche, but I think a lot of my negative attitudes and thoughts I kinda inflicted on myself. Whenever I'd think something was hopeless...I'd stop and think hang on....is it really hopeless?....and I'd properly meditate on the positives....and just like food,...the thoughts you feed your brain, affect the health of your soul.
2. and the other thing that helped loads was to organise all my problems and write them all down and just start chipping away, one at a time, in bitesize chunks, slowly but surely. So if lack of money was worrying me, I'd get a job. and if getting a job worried me, I'd figure out why and then start as small as possible...just a part time job, a few hours a week.

I feel like I've got a billion other things I could tell you but I'm rambling on a bit so I'd best leave it at that!

jesus christ i need to get to bed. i just hope someone will respond.
[end]

night night!

wow we do sound freakishly alike O_O haha. but that's really cool in a way too. im going to try really hard at some of the stuff you offered....like the think positive. that is soooo difficult for me to do.

and btw, i fucking love your art work and most of the music you've done! you seriously have some talent. and a really great style.

 

[perwita]

My Father say this to me...why is i don't have any motivation in life? Well that time i don't have any answer to that, but now i know thanks to your story Lally

 

[lally]

My Father say this to me...why is i don't have any motivation in life? Well that time i don't have any answer to that, but now i know thanks to your story Lally

glad i could help out

 

[txjeepin]

i have no motivation for college. i tell people, even counselors this, and they believe i am just lazy and look at me in disgust. i was in your shoes just 3 years ago and my situation got prgressively worse.

please lally, take a look at your life. i am 19 and mine is undesirable. YOU can change. I know it isa hard road ( i am just starting my own road btw) but it is well worth it. everyone is a beautiful person. no one deserves to be lonely or to hate themselves. i am starting to look at my life in a new light.

 

[Ken]

I'm the same way. I have no motivation towards anything in my life. Its like i simply don't care about my life at all. I just wish i would have figured out the reason why when i was younger. While you are still a teenager you should just try everything in you power to find a way out of deppression.