A Technique?: Assume everybody else is anxious, not you.

[Livingwithoutlivin]

This has been working for me lately. If I start getting anxious when somebody is around, what I do is react as if they are the ones who are anxious not me. This makes me recall times when I was younger, when somebody else would get nervous, and I automatically would become calm to put them at ease. It makes me feel in control.



I also recall using a heirarchy of who is in my comfort zone and out of it.

I also would like us to recall the difference between what our game was like before we turned into anxious people. I feel like withrawing from the game of constantly being challenged by life makes us more afraid and less immune of the little things that only sensitive people, who aren't exposed to them much, become real allergic to, if they don't continously expose themselves.

My life before anxiety:

I could look at people straight in the eye.

Fear of what others would think of me, and my reputation always were a big stop sign if I ever felt anxiety for just a second, these fears kicked me into discarding the feeling immediately and not allowing it to manifest on my face.

I would light up when I would see people I wanted to talk to.

I would be sunny and say a few witty jokes

I would care about how I looked on the outside.

I would not be afraid of random people on the street, in fact I was so busy calculating how I would impress the people that I know that the I was not anticipating bad scenarios with people in the present around me. Except for when there was somebody that had made me feel bad and I would have to be near them again, normally, I would anticipate they treating me bad again, but it would subside when I would get out of that they were in or my eye view.

 

[Livingwithoutlivin]

Today what has worked for me is also, to accept what comes. Don't anticipate bad things. The problem with us is that we were meant to create, to think , calculate and dream up things for the present, which is actually the future, because what you do right this second affects what you do the next and far beyond. Have you ever seen what a curious kid looks like? They look like they are using their imagination to piece the interesting stuff together, they are wondering stuff up stuff at will, not withdrawing from the world. We need to read books, watch shows, and do things that pull curiousity out of us. We have anxiety because we are looking in at us, when we should be looking out at others and being curious of what takes place externally to us and want to do something to change things outside of us.

Curiousity( Of other people or things, not you) and what brings it out of us is what we need. Because it makes us perceive possibilities that have to do with how we can change something that is not ourselves, but other people or things. We are not focused on us, we are focused on real problems and puzzles that are not us, if we are curious. We are the action player in a video game, we must assume a role, do , and reap the rewards of overcoming the challenges. That is how the game of life works. I think that the worst thing you can do is try to figure out the puzzle of you when it comes to anxiety, we have created enemies and danger where non actually exist in the present time.

Another thing I realize is , if you know a lot of people then you have a ton of problems, and relief from problems makes you appreciate being around other people too. Because by having problems, you also have altercations with other people, and to feel better, you need to make alliances with other people to, so you'd start appreciating the people who make the game easier to bear.

 

[roseycheeks]

Thanks for sharing. Sounds like you've found a good headspace to be in. have you been practicing this technique for long?

anxiety caused by negative anticipation of events is huge for me.
In becoming aware of my habits I've realised just how many negative assumptions i make about people and their reactiosn to me. i play out scenes in my mind all the time. even my dreams are ridden with worst case scenarios. seems like there's no escape sometimes. what you say is true, negative thinking is a bad habit we get sucked into.

 

[Livingwithoutlivin]

I've been realizing that I start feeling better on the inside and dont' start acting unusual on th outside if I'm so immersed in something outside myself. Like watching an exciting movie, were I have no clue what is gonna happen but I want to predict what is going to happen ( the good thing is, I'm not predicting something that is gonna happen to me with other people) but some character that I am concerned for that my attention is not on myself. I imagine this is also why some women become stronger after they have kids. They are so focused on nourishing that kid and making him strong, that to many, i has the effect of making even them strong. Because they are determined to make things go right for somebody else. I think we work harder when we want to benefit to be for somebody else. When we care that much, things become less scary, because we are not fearing for ourselves, but we are making the effort for one or more peole.

I remember when I was working at a fastfood restaurant that I would get anxous a lot on the inside , because I was constantly anticipating rude customers. But I always thought, I have to be strong and not do that, because if my brothers were to walk in or something, I would want to be a good example so that they wouldn't act that way. Awesomely, there were a few times when I was at the register feeling real fearless and just calm and doing my job. Especially when my ex and my mom walked in to order straight from me. In my mind, it was absolutely impervious that I seem the best I can be. And I did come off as somebody who was not anxious at all and could do her job. So I think we must care what we make others see in us. That is part of this game.