Briars_Luck
Member
Hi, this is my first post here.. and it's one of reason why I sought out a support forum.
I'm 38 years old.. and I've only just recently realized that I probably have a social anxiety disorder. I guess I thought I was a bit flakey and not a really good friend in the past, as I never really felt comfortable in social situations. I really only feel at ease at home, with my family. I am a single parent of a small child.. a 3 year old, who is a social butterfly, very friendly and outgoing. We do engage in a lot of activities outside of the home, but I just don't ever feel comfortable enough to ever get to know other parents apart from the chit chat that goes on at the park, etc...
I do long for a more sustaining friendship though.. I just can't seem to break on through the barrier I feel. Maybe it's mistrust, maybe it's fear.. I used to be very insecure with low self esteem. I wouldn't say I feel that way so much now.. Age has given me a bit of confidence (so that's a plus, I guess! lol).
Now, the reason I find myself writing ask you folks for some advice, is because I'm nearing the end of my tether with a woman in my building. She lives in the apartment below me, and a few months ago when I moved in, we would share a few minutes in the lobby while we got our mail chatting about this and that.. She's a really nice person, warm and caring. You'd think I'd be happy about knowing someone like that! I am.. but the thing of it is.. She knocks on my door 3-5 times a day. At 9am before she goes to work, she's at my door wanting to visit for a half hour with coffee. At noontime, she's back for her lunch break.. and comes up to spend the time with me.. Then at around 9pm, she's knocking on my door again to spend an hour or so just hanging out. There might be other things that come up.. like now she's beginning to send her two little girls (7 and 9) upstairs to play with my son.. again unannounced. I like her kids! Please don't get me wrong.. but lots of people and hustle bustle completely exhaust me, being the introvert that I am.
It's gotten to the point where when I hear her knock, I've taken my son and gone into my bedroom to wait until she gives up. I feel so foolish doing this! I'm hiding in my own house! She'll always phone as well if I don't answer the door. I like her.. and I have told her about not liking announced visitors, but I don't know if she thinks our friendship has elevated her beyond that? It hasn't.. lol.. I make my own family call before coming over. I like to be ready for guests.. mentally mostly, but also, there are days the house is a mess, and I don't particularly want anyone to see it. I also suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the some of the side effects make me physically self conscious.
Ugh.. I hope this rant makes sense? Thanks for reading!
Edited to add for clarification: I have been diagnosed with depression in the past, and all my symptoms my entire life have been one of social anxiety/avoidance.. just not "officially" diagnosed. I'm not on any medication, and talk therapy has been the most helpful for me. I took a month long Lifeskills course a few months ago, and it helped me tremendously, especially with communication skills and my tendency to be passive aggressive.. which is why I'm disheartened that my new skills are falling on deaf ears with this woman! lol
Cheers!
I'm 38 years old.. and I've only just recently realized that I probably have a social anxiety disorder. I guess I thought I was a bit flakey and not a really good friend in the past, as I never really felt comfortable in social situations. I really only feel at ease at home, with my family. I am a single parent of a small child.. a 3 year old, who is a social butterfly, very friendly and outgoing. We do engage in a lot of activities outside of the home, but I just don't ever feel comfortable enough to ever get to know other parents apart from the chit chat that goes on at the park, etc...
I do long for a more sustaining friendship though.. I just can't seem to break on through the barrier I feel. Maybe it's mistrust, maybe it's fear.. I used to be very insecure with low self esteem. I wouldn't say I feel that way so much now.. Age has given me a bit of confidence (so that's a plus, I guess! lol).
Now, the reason I find myself writing ask you folks for some advice, is because I'm nearing the end of my tether with a woman in my building. She lives in the apartment below me, and a few months ago when I moved in, we would share a few minutes in the lobby while we got our mail chatting about this and that.. She's a really nice person, warm and caring. You'd think I'd be happy about knowing someone like that! I am.. but the thing of it is.. She knocks on my door 3-5 times a day. At 9am before she goes to work, she's at my door wanting to visit for a half hour with coffee. At noontime, she's back for her lunch break.. and comes up to spend the time with me.. Then at around 9pm, she's knocking on my door again to spend an hour or so just hanging out. There might be other things that come up.. like now she's beginning to send her two little girls (7 and 9) upstairs to play with my son.. again unannounced. I like her kids! Please don't get me wrong.. but lots of people and hustle bustle completely exhaust me, being the introvert that I am.
It's gotten to the point where when I hear her knock, I've taken my son and gone into my bedroom to wait until she gives up. I feel so foolish doing this! I'm hiding in my own house! She'll always phone as well if I don't answer the door. I like her.. and I have told her about not liking announced visitors, but I don't know if she thinks our friendship has elevated her beyond that? It hasn't.. lol.. I make my own family call before coming over. I like to be ready for guests.. mentally mostly, but also, there are days the house is a mess, and I don't particularly want anyone to see it. I also suffer from Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome, and the some of the side effects make me physically self conscious.
Ugh.. I hope this rant makes sense? Thanks for reading!
Edited to add for clarification: I have been diagnosed with depression in the past, and all my symptoms my entire life have been one of social anxiety/avoidance.. just not "officially" diagnosed. I'm not on any medication, and talk therapy has been the most helpful for me. I took a month long Lifeskills course a few months ago, and it helped me tremendously, especially with communication skills and my tendency to be passive aggressive.. which is why I'm disheartened that my new skills are falling on deaf ears with this woman! lol
Cheers!
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