A perplexing life


New member
I am new to this site, a single 64 year old guy living alone in the North West.
I was born into a family with an older sister with a ten year age gap.
Childhood was OK, but ruined by an incidence of sexual abuse from a child guidance "Professional".
At the age of six or seven, all you need is for some pervert to screw your emotions!
To cut a long story short, I became an escapist. Not exactly a loner as I liked company, but not a competitive lad playing ball games.
School passed by with lack of real achievement and work was just one disaster after another.
Because of the abuse incident, I grappled with gay feelings at a time when it was suicide to admit such things.
I had a friendship with a younger guy into the same outdoor things as me and it was all I could do to hide my feelings.
Then late in my twenties, I fell for a lovely girl, younger and the complete opposite to me. I haven't a clue what she saw in me and was bowled over.
The inevitable happened and she left me. I was living and working far from home and I went through a really lousy, depressed period.
I had quite literally missed the boat. Here I was at thirty with nothing to show. I still lived at home with my folks and used escapist pursuits to get through life. I hadn't an ounce of paternalism, had no long term career aims, was highly sexually frustrated, but had no confidence.
I binged drank and took to working away from home on good rates of pay.
I got so frustrated, I took to using street prostitutes.
For years, I trawled red light districts all over when I was away.
In truth, I lived in cloud cuckoo land.
If any guys out there reading this and are going through the same hell, please contact me.
I haven'y got any answers, but I could help with the puzzle.
It seems that the most important thing is to like and respect yourself.
Never ever let your self esteem go.
Secondly, love someone. Anyone, You have to give in life to get.
I could be bitter and blame the past, my parents, teachers, sibbling.
That's not the answer. Life deals lousy cards all the time. Just look around at those far more unfortunates.