a little help please!

[jacksmith]

Hi all, Im new to the site I suppose I should have posted this in the newbie section, but anyways, really looking for help of any kind at this stage,



First up: Im 34 from manchester uk, I never had s.a when I was a kid or in school, I was always quite outspoken always had lots and lots of friends and many very good friends, My problem started (S.A) from drug taking, when I was about 19/20/21 Myself and my mates hit the rave scene and like most socialites in manchester in the early 90s we hit it hard!, raves most wknds for 3/4 years, lots of exctasy lsd speed, hash (hash everyday for years), while we were having a whale of a time out and about people where starting to crumble around me, some went on to herion, some had major breakdowns,heck even a couple of guys died (bless them and their familes)

When I came off everything my problems really started bout the age of 23, it first started with agrophobia in certain places ,then that spread to everywhere!!, shops main streets, (it took me a long time to figure out why I had agrophobia) I put it down to the fact that I new thousands of people my age in manchester and I really didnt want to bump into them while I was in a dreadful state from coming off drugs, the agrophobia lasted 3 f*cking years!!!

I got back to the gym and built myself up over time (which helped), worked in mundane jobs where know one knew me, was very depressed

for a number of years, I had dated in those years and had some really good relationships, hell I was even with a woman for 3 years and she never even knew how bad my nerves where (untill I told her towards the end of the relationship),

sorry for long post!



I went to see numerous councilors, psychologists you name it , did bugger all for me though, tried prozac helped a lil but kinda made me more nervous!,

the antidepressent drugs seem to make me on edge so its really difficult deciding to go back on them,



I have my own business now,( which is a cop out for working around people all day I guess) I still have to deal with people but its on my terms,

S.A has completly f*cking coloured my life to the point where I would actually probably consider myself disabled, social events that I have to go to have me squirming months and months before they happen, and without the help of alcohol I wouldnt of made it through half of them, (obviously I am not endorsing alcohol),



so here I am 34 and my S.A is still as strong as it was 12 years ago...

Im actually pretty f*cking worried about it now...

time to see a psychiatrist??? AGAIN!, and go back on meds??



Ive read many books on it and tried exposure,Relaxing techniques but its still there...

Any help or input very very much appreciated, thanks for reading,

Jack.

 

[Devrium]

Your story really reminds me of my uncle and what he went through... unfortunately he recently passed away from complications from all the years of drug use but he too developed SA and depression like that (and for similar reasons). Anyway, just know you're not alone here. We can all relate to you. There is so much wonderful support on this site. Sorry I don't have a lot of constructive advice to offer you, as I am not much better off in knowing how to even handle my own life at the moment.. But I really hope that you find the help and support you are looking for here amongst these fantastic people. And if you ever need to talk you can always pm me. I like to talk to people and do what I can to help ^^ Anyway, good luck and welcome to SPW!

 

[FOR REAL]

aye, i can relate completely with what your saying, i jumped head first into the rave scene too without even giving it a second thought.
i had depression and anxiety before hand so taking those substances was like an escape to being the person i wanted to be (carefree and happy). in the long run it just made me worse as im sure you and anyone who has taken these things would say.

did you ever take the long way round to the shop! i did on many occassions!!

im weary of prozac, it made me a hell of a lot worse than i already was. im taking prothiaden which is more sedative than prozac (i think, im not sure though, ask your gp)

i went to see all those experts and theyve been no use to me either

relaxation techniques do work for me a lot of the time though

at least youve got your own business though and not relying on benefits

 

[johnny 85]

wow, hmmm... dont know what to tink of the ops post. you still have SA ?? im going through the exact same thing because of drugs , though i believe bullying caused half of my SA as well. i dont suffer from depression thankfully, but the SA is really after ruining the last 3 yrs of my life. i thought id get over it eventually but after reading ur post, im not so sure.

 

[jacksmith]

Thanks Devrium and For real!, I appreciate your kind words thanks, anything I could add, to the "figuring it out solutions pile" would be : In my opinion self esteme has a f*ck load to do with everybodys S.A across the board..
and developing ones personality with trial an a lil error!!

 

[jacksmith]

dont worry about it Johny 85, thats just the turn of events that happened in my life , your S.A wont necessarily be prolonged , build yourself up and go back to your old mindset before you felt S.A ,