A while ago I saw a documentary on youtube about teenage sex and pregnancy, or along those lines. I definitely didn't like the people on there, and by no means want to be like them, but I remember a boy on it who was 16, saying that he can't believe how anyone his age couldn't have had the opportunity to have sex, saying something like "How could you not have had the opportunity by my age" or something. So if it is that easy for most people to have the opportunity by that age like he said, it makes me feel like there's something wrong with me in appearance and personality in order to have never had the opportunity at all at the age of 19.
A documentary I saw a while ago
- Thread starter thor01
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market.garden
Well-known member
Boys and girls seem to be having sex in this country at younger and younger ages, but thats partly as a result of excessive drinking and the sort of culture we live in.
I'm 23 and in that situation, but that's just who I am. I probably could have done all that if I'd got drunk enough and hung around with certain types of people when I was younger. No point in regretting it now though.
I wouldn't worry too much about the randy little gits
I'm 23 and in that situation, but that's just who I am. I probably could have done all that if I'd got drunk enough and hung around with certain types of people when I was younger. No point in regretting it now though.
I wouldn't worry too much about the randy little gits
Not the 1st choice for me, but not exactly the second either, in the way that I don't feel the need to wait for someone special because A. it might take over 10 years to find them, and 2. I don't feel like I need to love someone in the way that I want to be with them all the time in order to have sex with them, as that kind of "love", and sex can go together, but they are separate things and don't have to go together. BUT I don't just want to get it over with so I can say I've done it, that's not even a concern to me, I just feel like I want to have the experience because I'm sure it is a good one, and I really want to give and receive affection, which has been building up for years. I feel like its a built in need, and I'm missing out on getting it. But anyway how could I find someone pretty easily?
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lonelypothead
Well-known member
what was the name of it?
Can't remember, sorry, but it was specifically about teens in Britain rather than as a universal thing
lonelypothead
Well-known member
please post the link if you find it
Slothrop
Well-known member
Don't put too much stock in what some kid on TV says. Teenagers have long believed that "everybody is doing it" without actually knowing. Since it's mysterious, taboo, and cool, vastly more people talk about it than actually do it. The truth is that your opportunities at that age are very dependent on circumstances not directly related to appearance or personality, like parental interference.
Further, documentaries like that typically intend to have a scandalous bent to them. It doesn't matter to them whether it's objectively true, but whether it frightens parents.
Have you been trying? I don't mean that as a criticism, but rather to point out that there is a simpler explaination than appearance or personality. I assume from the fact that you're posting here that you haven't historically been proactive on the dating front, so really it's fair to say that your lack of opportunity comes from not seeking them out. Now, that decision to not seek them out probably stems from feeling insecure about your appearance or personalty (or whatever else), but whether there is actually anything particularly wrong with them is untested.
Again, I'm not criticising: this is normal for a person with social anxiety. You're probably no less attractive or personable on the whole than anyone else else here, who in turn aren't any less attractive or personable on the whole than the rest of the world. The commonality, and the real limiting factor, is insecurity.
It may not be easy to feel secure about those things, but fortunately they're changeable. Nobody's perfect, but there are extremely few problems that are truly unique or irreparable. There are always things you can do to improve social skills, appearance, and personality once you accept that your feelings about those things are the real barrier.
Well I havn't been trying in the way you mentioned, but lots of people seem to get opportunities without actually trying to do anything in a way, it just happens. But I don't know how I can try in the way you mentioned anyway. I don't know many people you see.
And I would like Nina09 to suggest how I would find someone quite easily.
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Slothrop
Well-known member
What do you really mean by "it just happens"? That people randomly approach them soliciting sex? With the exception of prostitutes, that is exceedingly rare. I think what you mean is that some people make it look easy.
But people make a lot of things look easy! Anytime you see someone do something that you don't know how to do it looks effortless, and in fact anything you do know how to do feels effortless. For example: walking, speaking, reading, writing, typing. All of these you know how to do and rarely think about how, while when you were learning them you had to think quite a lot about how. At one point even walking was hard.
My point is that just because it seems to come easy to some people does not mean they aren't doing anything, it means they aren't thinking about it when they do it, because they've learned it. You can learn, too.
There is a pretty simple pattern:
- meet people
- ask one of them out
- have a good time with them
- repeat any step as necessary until sex
For now, let's concentrate on the first step: meeting people. The most straightforward way would be to go outside and introduce yourself to the first person you see. Congratulations, you just met someone! There are other ways though. How did you meet the people you do know? How did the people you know meet the people they know? (and so on) How can you do the same? If you really think about it you won't have any shortage of ideas. You just have to prevent yourself from filtering out the ones you're afraid to try. (I find it's best to write them down as soon as you think of them.) Once you have a list of ways that people meet people, you can rank them by how easy they seem to you. Then you just start at the top and work at it until you find someone you want to ask out. Then you're onto a different problem.
Hope this helps.