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Old 11-14-2017

Hello. I am 21 and I have a huuge problem with social anxiety. I am in therapy already before someone suggests that.
I can't even make friends online anymore. I constantly question others intensions and I have a lot of built up hate and frustration inside me because I never display my emotions, especially not big emotions. I have a lot of thoughts and opinions but I close them in and stay quiet at all times.
I can't make friends because I can't talk to others because I worry about everything I say. At family dinners I sit in complete silence unless someone asks me something and before first dates (because I do date) I get so sick that I end up literally hanging over the toilet with nausea although I never actually throw up. Eating on dates is impossible unless I want to puke all over my date, that is because my stomach is a mess because i'm so nervous.
Right now i'm dating someone whom i've been intentionally trying to push away because I feel as though he is too normal compared to me lol and doesn't get me and he has been VERY frustrated with me but he likes me too much and keep wanting to make it work somehow. That is a blessing I know that because usually the men I attract are other wrecks with either the same problems as myself or worse. But the problem is he lives a 2 hour distance from me which further complicates things especially since I can barely manage to get to a date in my own town without vomiting or fainting so imagine me getting on a bus for 2 hours for a date to a completely new town i've never been in before. It's impossible. Sure he doesn't mind being the one who comes here but eventually he'll start questioning what my problem is and what can I say to that I don't even have a diagnose to show him lol? I'll just seem immature.
I remember the first time me and my ex went travelling together and I got so sick he had to take me to a doctor because my anxiety gave me heart palpitations and problems breathing. Yet we'd been together for 5 months at that time and he'd proven to be someone I could trust many times already... Another problem is that I am still a virgin, i'm scared of new things, what can I say...
I feel like I am going to explode some days.
I just feel like screaming until my voice dies.
shything is offline  
Old 11-27-2017

People are *******s
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Old 11-28-2017
FountainandFairfax's Avatar
I remember a time of chaos... ruined dreams... this wasted land.
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I'd just be up-front with him. I'd tell him that my problems weren't rational and that if I could control them I wouldn't have them.

Tell him what you've written here, that you like spending time with him and that he's a breath of fresh air but that right now you're working through this anxiety and that he'll need to be patient, especially when it comes to going out and meeting-up. If he can't handle that, it doesn't mean he's a j3rk or that you're a freak, it just means... dating.

I know it sucks when you have anxiety and you feel like you have to take what you can get (LORD do I freaking know it) and you also feel like you're gonna really lose out if this doesn't work, but it's still best to be honest with him. Hiding things is bad, that alone will probably make your anxiety spike like mad.

Just be frank with him and try not to put too many emotional eggs in one basket.
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Old 11-28-2017
Sacrament's Avatar
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You seem to be too inwardly focused when you interact (or think about interacting) with others. Try shifting the focus onto them (their facial expressions, their opinions, their body language, etc). Ask them questions about themselves. People love talking about themselves.

Your brain can't focus on two things at the same time, so if you do this, you're ignoring the part of your brain that's trying to convince you of all the things that are supposedly wrong with you.

You should also tell the person you're dating (if you've been dating for a while) about your anxiety. Don't look at your anxiety as some kind of monster you can't defeat. Look at it as something that hinders you in different areas of your life but that you can manage if you keep pushing on. Observe your negative thinking patterns as if you were at your window watching cars drive by, without judgment, and then focus on thoughts that are actually productive.

Talk to your boyfriend. Tell him 'look, I've been wanting to be the one to visit you for a while now, but the thought of traveling to a new place makes me feel so anxious that I almost throw up and I've been having trouble forcing myself to do it'. If he's kind enough, he'll help you with this.
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