pocket.fox
Member
I'm a 20 year old male college student by the way.
Sometime last May I had my first session with my therapist, who told me I had agoraphobia. Not really sure how severely I have it, or what kind I have though, since I really can't say I'm afraid of "open areas" per se or anything like that. For me it's mainly that I get way too anxious and nervous in certain social situations, like being amidst a group of people who I know all discussing something I know a lot/care about and not being able saying a word, or being really nervous around girls who I perceive as pretty or more generally people who I perceive as more confident/cool/better than me. And to be frank I guess I do kind of dislike the idea of having to walk into a convenience store/supermarket and buy things and have to talk to someone in order to do that. I've always hated that - especially when it's somewhere I've never been before - like going to a new bookstore and having to ask the clerk for the book I need for a university course. But that's not that bad anymore, since I've kind of had no choice but to do things that used to scare the hell out of me for myself, like order food from a fast food place. When I'm really psyched up, I can even manage to tell people to "shhh" in the library or ask my professor a question after class.
Anyway, I'm sure my therapist/doctor isn't wrong, so I'll get to the point. Right now I'm at the point where I believe I've made a lot of progress and my therapist is telling me what I need to do is push myself further. Basically what he says is that when I get into a situation with somebody or a group of people I feel really nervous around, I need to take a risk and say/do something I'm afraid of saying or doing. He says that once I fall flat on my face and say something dumb, I'll feel better about it and be able to take action socially again. And eventually that will lead to me becoming more comfortable socially. He tells me that fear is controlling me and that once I do something like this, something which I "never, ever, EVER do", I'll realize that it's a perfectly okay thing to be the sort of socially awkward nice guy I am who might not necessarily be amazingly charming, but is still able to communicate and wroth talking to. So I mean that makes sense to me - after all it's part of CBT and I think it's the sort of "face your fears" theory that a lot of psychological thought is based on.
But doing all this is frighteningly stressful. Tomorrow I plan to put a sort of social endeavour into action, using some of the tools that I've been told about. There is a girl who I really like in one of my classes who I talk to quite a bit and have really long online conversations with about all sorts of things. She even suddenly texts or Facebook messages me whenever she has a problem with an assignment or wants to complain about her roommate/know my opinion on x. As she puts it, "we have a terrible habit of turning brief conversations into long ones." But I think the case is entirely opposite in real life. I sit next to her and can never manage to start a conversation with her, and can usually only reply extremely briefly to some story she recounts or pleasantries we exchange. My therapist even told me a couple of months ago I should just tell her that I like her and ask if she likes me too. But that sounds like it'd be too hard...even if I DIDN'T have this issue. Anyway my plan tomorrow is to just catch her as we walk out of class and say "Hey can I tell you something..." and then just explain to her that I really like talking to her and I also agree that our conversations are interesting, and that I know I might not come off as not that interested in talking to her or as really bored when we meet in class, but that that's not true at all. I tried to do exactly this last Monday as we exited the class together, but altogether failed at speaking up. But this time I even wrote down briefly what I plan to say.
So I really don't know why I'm typing this super long message. I guess it's not to ask for help or anything since I've already decided to do what I'm going to do. But in a way just posting here sort of legitimizes the issue for me, if you know what I mean. Because sometimes it doesn't feel real. And then I wonder, how can something that doesn't seem real lead to me constantly agonize over what someone said/didn't say to me, and to obsess over these things instead of actually studying for the two midterms I have this week; I've been keeping a diary of random thoughts and feelings on my iphone and it really isn't fun to read either - about 75% self-deprecation. Basically the last week or so of my life has just been about worrying about what to say to this girl/if I can actually manage to speak without saying something really dumb or worse, really creepy. I would still hesitate to say it's been consuming my every waking hour, but that wouldn't be far off the mark. It's not helped by my other social failings in life either, like the fact that last week I spent the weekend with a university club I'm part of at an event in another city...and hardly said a word the whole time. The drive there and back were the worst; there's nothing else to do in a long car ride except talk. Or be completely silent. And pretend to be asleep a lot.
Okay so I have a feeling this is probably some ridiculous "tl;dr" rant that no one is going to read, so I'm just going to stop now. Just wondering if anyone can identify with me or if anyone can agree/sympathize with the action I plan to take tomorrow. And like I said, all this really doesn't sound like agoraphobia to me, but that's what I was told last year so I'm just going to post here for now. Come to think of it I probably ought to consider asking my therapist for another diagnosis since that was done in either our first or second session when he might not have seen very much of what I am/do. So yeah if this would rather fit in another forum, don't hesitate to move it or direct me to where to post it. Thanks!
Sometime last May I had my first session with my therapist, who told me I had agoraphobia. Not really sure how severely I have it, or what kind I have though, since I really can't say I'm afraid of "open areas" per se or anything like that. For me it's mainly that I get way too anxious and nervous in certain social situations, like being amidst a group of people who I know all discussing something I know a lot/care about and not being able saying a word, or being really nervous around girls who I perceive as pretty or more generally people who I perceive as more confident/cool/better than me. And to be frank I guess I do kind of dislike the idea of having to walk into a convenience store/supermarket and buy things and have to talk to someone in order to do that. I've always hated that - especially when it's somewhere I've never been before - like going to a new bookstore and having to ask the clerk for the book I need for a university course. But that's not that bad anymore, since I've kind of had no choice but to do things that used to scare the hell out of me for myself, like order food from a fast food place. When I'm really psyched up, I can even manage to tell people to "shhh" in the library or ask my professor a question after class.
Anyway, I'm sure my therapist/doctor isn't wrong, so I'll get to the point. Right now I'm at the point where I believe I've made a lot of progress and my therapist is telling me what I need to do is push myself further. Basically what he says is that when I get into a situation with somebody or a group of people I feel really nervous around, I need to take a risk and say/do something I'm afraid of saying or doing. He says that once I fall flat on my face and say something dumb, I'll feel better about it and be able to take action socially again. And eventually that will lead to me becoming more comfortable socially. He tells me that fear is controlling me and that once I do something like this, something which I "never, ever, EVER do", I'll realize that it's a perfectly okay thing to be the sort of socially awkward nice guy I am who might not necessarily be amazingly charming, but is still able to communicate and wroth talking to. So I mean that makes sense to me - after all it's part of CBT and I think it's the sort of "face your fears" theory that a lot of psychological thought is based on.
But doing all this is frighteningly stressful. Tomorrow I plan to put a sort of social endeavour into action, using some of the tools that I've been told about. There is a girl who I really like in one of my classes who I talk to quite a bit and have really long online conversations with about all sorts of things. She even suddenly texts or Facebook messages me whenever she has a problem with an assignment or wants to complain about her roommate/know my opinion on x. As she puts it, "we have a terrible habit of turning brief conversations into long ones." But I think the case is entirely opposite in real life. I sit next to her and can never manage to start a conversation with her, and can usually only reply extremely briefly to some story she recounts or pleasantries we exchange. My therapist even told me a couple of months ago I should just tell her that I like her and ask if she likes me too. But that sounds like it'd be too hard...even if I DIDN'T have this issue. Anyway my plan tomorrow is to just catch her as we walk out of class and say "Hey can I tell you something..." and then just explain to her that I really like talking to her and I also agree that our conversations are interesting, and that I know I might not come off as not that interested in talking to her or as really bored when we meet in class, but that that's not true at all. I tried to do exactly this last Monday as we exited the class together, but altogether failed at speaking up. But this time I even wrote down briefly what I plan to say.
So I really don't know why I'm typing this super long message. I guess it's not to ask for help or anything since I've already decided to do what I'm going to do. But in a way just posting here sort of legitimizes the issue for me, if you know what I mean. Because sometimes it doesn't feel real. And then I wonder, how can something that doesn't seem real lead to me constantly agonize over what someone said/didn't say to me, and to obsess over these things instead of actually studying for the two midterms I have this week; I've been keeping a diary of random thoughts and feelings on my iphone and it really isn't fun to read either - about 75% self-deprecation. Basically the last week or so of my life has just been about worrying about what to say to this girl/if I can actually manage to speak without saying something really dumb or worse, really creepy. I would still hesitate to say it's been consuming my every waking hour, but that wouldn't be far off the mark. It's not helped by my other social failings in life either, like the fact that last week I spent the weekend with a university club I'm part of at an event in another city...and hardly said a word the whole time. The drive there and back were the worst; there's nothing else to do in a long car ride except talk. Or be completely silent. And pretend to be asleep a lot.
Okay so I have a feeling this is probably some ridiculous "tl;dr" rant that no one is going to read, so I'm just going to stop now. Just wondering if anyone can identify with me or if anyone can agree/sympathize with the action I plan to take tomorrow. And like I said, all this really doesn't sound like agoraphobia to me, but that's what I was told last year so I'm just going to post here for now. Come to think of it I probably ought to consider asking my therapist for another diagnosis since that was done in either our first or second session when he might not have seen very much of what I am/do. So yeah if this would rather fit in another forum, don't hesitate to move it or direct me to where to post it. Thanks!
