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Old 07-04-2010
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I sometimes hear that there is no difference between having self-confidence and pretending to have self-confidence. I don't know, but I kind of disagree because pretending to have self-confidence takes a lot of energy and is hardly sustainable.
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Old 07-04-2010
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You can fake confidence for a short while, but eventually, people will see that you're not confident.
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Maybe if we pretend for a while, we'll find out how easy it is to be confident.

Maybe we'll be able to replace the negative self-talk with positive self-talk long enough that it actually takes root.

It's definitely worth a try.
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Old 07-04-2010
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i think it may be hard not to give away yourself but if u sustain long enough maybe u re gonna find out it s not that difficult
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That only applies for how others see you.. The way I see it, confidence is a whole lot helpful to yourself too. People can be fooled, but unfortunately you can't fool yourself.
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Old 07-04-2010
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Originally Posted by blackpuma View Post
....but unfortunately you can't fool yourself....
Of course you can.

All of that negative stuff we tell ourselves....

All of those things we're afraid of....

They are not real. They are products of our imagination.

We fool ourselves everyday into thinking that we're somehow inferior or defective.

Why can't we fool ourselves into thinking just the opposite?
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Originally Posted by coyote View Post
Of course you can.

All of that negative stuff we tell ourselves....

All of those things we're afraid of....

They are not real. They are products of our imagination.

We fool ourselves everyday into thinking that we're somehow inferior or defective.

Why can't we fool ourselves into thinking just the opposite?
Hm, yes. There's some truth to that. But I don't think that people here are fooling themselves into thinking negative things. I think it's more in the way that they think. Traumatic events in their past cause them to take a different thought routes, cautiously picking up other signals and details then most ''regular'' people would. And so come to these alternative negative conclusions about themselves, their situation/surroundings and the people around them.

The human reality is only as real as we make it. But we have little control in what we come to see as 'reality'. Mostly because it's a product of different events in our lives. If they are good and cheerful, reality will most likely be a positive one. If they are dark and grim, the reality will most likely be a negative one. Though, I need to add that attitude towards these events also play a large role in this. :3

We can't really directly alter this reality, we can only change our attitude towards our struggles, and hope that our perception of reality will gradually change with it. ^W^

Everybody can change. I'm just saying that by just pretending that you are confident, you are not by definition confident. If you force yourself to come across confident to others (and potentially yourself), while your reality tells you that you're uncomfortable and not confident, it becomes denial. An act if you will.

In this case ''Being confident'' and ''Pretending that you're confident'' aren't the same, as the person that is pretending to be confident is still feeling anxious and uncomfortable. As such, it only applies to how people see him/her. Confidence only works when it is endorsed by your own reality. Which, can be altered by your attitude, like I said before.

What I'm trying to say (in a way, WAY too long post ) is that you can't fool yourself. You can however change how you perceive things over time.
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Old 07-05-2010
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I can't even fake confidence. Everytime I walk past someone I have to look at the ground or away. I can't see how my confidence can get any worse.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by coyote View Post
Maybe if we pretend for a while, we'll find out how easy it is to be confident.

Maybe we'll be able to replace the negative self-talk with positive self-talk long enough that it actually takes root.

It's definitely worth a try.
Maybe if we push a one legged man over enough he'll get better balance and
run marathons?

Maybe if we all pretend nothing is wrong then everything will be ok?

Maybe if you just dont talk about bad things that happen to you they all go away?

Really, thats your advice?
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Maybe if we push a one legged man over enough he'll get better balance and
run marathons?

Maybe if we all pretend nothing is wrong then everything will be ok?

Maybe if you just dont talk about bad things that happen to you they all go away?

Really, thats your advice?
Nope - I didn't write any of those things, did I? :]

But let me address your points, Doug:

If a one-legged man tells himself that he'll never run a marathon, then he probably won't. If, however, he tells himself that he can, well then maybe he will see that it is possible - and do it.

If all we tell ourselves is that everything is wrong and nothing is ever going to be ok, and that only bad things happen - well then it will probably stay that way. But if we remind ourselves that some things are alright and that good things do happen - and continually reinforce this - maybe we can enjoy our lives a little more.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blackpuma View Post
...you can't fool yourself. You can however change how you perceive things over time.
Fool yourself = 2 words

Change how you perceive things over time = 7 words

I like to use as few words as possible to decrease the margin of error. :]
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I second all that coyote is saying. If we, not so much as fake, but live as if we had confidence.. well, we'd end up using exposure therapy eventually because confident people DO go out, go to the library, go to parties, etc etc. Also, as coyote said, replacing positive self talk with negative self talk makes all. the. difference. in. the. world.
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There is a key difference. Those who have true self-confidence are self-assured. They need not commit any acts to show how strong and pro-active they are because they already know they are. Those who pretend, who mask their true nature with false confidence, tend to act in headstrong ways to "prove" how "manly" they are. They constantly feel they have to make up for themselves and show their strength to everyone.
These are the key differences that, with practice, should be fairly simple to spot.
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Quote:
Originally Posted by blackpuma View Post
I'm just saying that by just pretending that you are confident, you are not by definition confident. If you force yourself to come across confident to others (and potentially yourself), while your reality tells you that you're uncomfortable and not confident, it becomes denial. An act if you will.

In this case ''Being confident'' and ''Pretending that you're confident'' aren't the same, as the person that is pretending to be confident is still feeling anxious and uncomfortable. As such, it only applies to how people see him/her. Confidence only works when it is endorsed by your own reality. Which, can be altered by your attitude, like I said before.

What I'm trying to say (in a way, WAY too long post ) is that you can't fool yourself. You can however change how you perceive things over time.
Exactly my friend, well said.
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Old 07-05-2010
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I second all that coyote is saying. If we, not so much as fake, but live as if we had confidence.. well, we'd end up using exposure therapy eventually because confident people DO go out, go to the library, go to parties, etc etc. Also, as coyote said, replacing positive self talk with negative self talk makes all. the. difference. in. the. world.
In my experience, positive self-talk doesn't do anything when I'm severely depressed or suffer from lack of sleep (insomnia).
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i know it s totally irrelevant but i do not know how to start a new topic, can someone help me
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i know it s totally irrelevant but i do not know how to start a new topic, can someone help me
You have to go into the forum you would like to post in,after you have done that you should see a button at the top of the page saying 'new thread'.Click that and you will be able to make a new topic,hope that helps.
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As for pretending to have self confidence,I think the problem with that is,as soon as your confidence takes a blow,your bubble will burst.
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You have to go into the forum you would like to post in,after you have done that you should see a button at the top of the page saying 'new thread'.Click that and you will be able to make a new topic,hope that helps.
thank god and thank u. looks like i need to improve my vocabulary skills in english, the new topic s gonna be interesting, follow my lead guys
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Quote:
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Fool yourself = 2 words

Change how you perceive things over time = 7 words

I like to use as few words as possible to decrease the margin of error. :]
Oh, I see. Sorry about that, I tend to read into things way too literally.. ^W^;

My apologies. :3
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