my vicious cycle

I'm weird. I feel like, since up until now I was a distant person because of this SP, if I change myself and try to force myself to talk more, people will think what's up with this girl? why is she more outgoing than before? and then they will pay more attention to me
I dont want nobody to talk about me from my behind. but i also dont want to be known as a distant, boring, arrogant girl. I cant get closer to them with the fear of being on the spot
And then there is another problem. Since English is not my monther tongue, I still cant express me very well. Writing is easy but when it's up to talking I cant make the second or third sentence. my mind goes blank. and since I'm dont talking much, I believe people think that I'm boring

IknowIhaveSP said:

I'm weird. I feel like, since up until now I was a distant person because of this SP, if I change myself and try to force myself to talk more, people will think what's up with this girl? why is she more outgoing than before? and then they will pay more attention to me
I dont want nobody to talk about me from my behind. but i also dont want to be known as a distant, boring, arrogant girl.

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they will probably think, "cool shes more outgoing than before"

I wish!
I'm not invited to anywhere normally but when there is a company party, I feel like i have to go thinking that otherwise I can never get socialized. ANd there I have no problems with talking to others. I'm the most popular girl of all the parties, there are men all around me. Everyone treats me very well. and i'm very outgoing by the help of alcohol of course.
But the day after everything is same again. I'm that boring, distant girl again.

What I really think that my poor English triggers my SP here. Because I'm not expat now working in a foreign country. I think it's not fluent yet. So I avoid talking too much to people in order not to make mistakes. Actually when I try to talk more my mind goes blank. I still translate words from my home language to english and when I cant find the word I'm thinking of I'm just stuck.
Well..of course I'm able to speak eNglish how could I expatriated then. But I exaggerate it too much and escape from others.
I think I hv so many excuses to trigger my SP

im also like that with alcohol, its good fun at the time

what country are you from just out of curiosity ? Your english seems to be very good in your posts, probably better than mine

Originally from Turkey but I live in Denmark.
Writing is easy you know. I never get stuck or think about words when I'm writing. I'm actually too fast. But when it comes to speaking I can easily get stuck Probably the reason is that I dont talk too much normally,..lol..
Anyway, l'm more comfortable with talking to non-english people. But if they are from US or UK (unfortunately we have a lot of them in our company) I just dont want to make stupid mistakes so I dont wanna talk to them.

jus said:

im also like that with alcohol, its good fun at the time

what country are you from just out of curiosity ? Your english seems to be very good in your posts, probably better than mine

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theres a french guy at my work. He sometimes makes mistakes saying things. It is funny every now and again But we dont think he's stupid or any less of him.

I'm concerned too much. You know, I have SP
I actually dont make mistake if I dont get stuck I just need to be more fluent and remember words I already know.

jus said:

theres a french guy at my work. He sometimes makes mistakes saying things. It is funny every now and again But we dont think he's stupid or any less of him.

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IknowIhaveSP said:

I wish!
I'm not invited to anywhere normally but when there is a company party, I feel like i have to go thinking that otherwise I can never get socialized. ANd there I have no problems with talking to others. I'm the most popular girl of all the parties, there are men all around me. Everyone treats me very well. and i'm very outgoing by the help of alcohol of course.
But the day after everything is same again. I'm that boring, distant girl again.

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I really wish I had a partner who was like you; shy, boring and quiet! I don't like overly outgoing people, since I can never become like them. That's not who I am..