newbie2017
New member
Hello All
This is my first post. I am really seeking advice, comments or feedback. Anything really?
I have been/was dating my work colleague for six months. He is highly sensitive. Extremely to the point. If you say something or do something even by accident, he will remember it and hold it against you for months. He gets very hurt easily. He has an issue with commitment and intimacy. Doesn't have much experience with relationships. His previous relationship lasted 8 months. After he decided to end things with her and wanted to maintain a friendship - she walked away.
Let's call him A.
When I and A started seeing each other. It was good really good. He would text me everyday. He would invite me out. He was the first guy I lost my virginity too. He would stay over my house. We would spend the weekend together. We really enjoyed being together. He was extremely affectionate. We would hold hands and cuddle. Sex was never difficult to have. I have had a rough past and I told him all about it. He was there for me.
A month into the relationship, I became more aware of his introvert personality. It was difficult at the time as I didn't have much social skills. I always tried to make him laugh and make the move to iniate conversation. At times, it was quite isolating and I did feel it may become a difficult thing to get used too especially as we were dating.
I had been feeling at times if we were going to make it last. Especially as I wanted to go out. Most of the time, he wanted to stay over and use my laptop for FB. Conversation was extremely limited. To the point, where we would spend the time sitting and looking at each other. I found this difficult to deal with.
One day, he came over and he would lay on my bed. He had no interest in me. He just used his phone to text away the whole time. I felt rejected at this point. I felt it was wrong his actions as he was in my house and we were supposed to spend time together. Not him and his phone.
I sat him down and voiced my concerns. I explained that I felt it's not working. I was feeling ignored.
I was totally shocked at this point when he refused to talk to me nor touch me. He spent another night and ignored me. He laid his side of the bed and I laid mine.
Once time blew things over. We decided to give things another go. After this, things changed. His interactions with me became less and less.
I knew at this point, this had really affected him. The more I got to know him. I became more aware of his high sensitivity. He had issues with he has been hurt from people who have said hurtful things in the past. He held on it and allowed himself to distant from them.
As time progressed, his contact became less and less. So less, I ended up becoming the person to text and iniate meeting up. A few times, he bailed out on me and decided to hang out with friends. This behaviour really hurt me.
I have many times met with him to try and sort things out. I have voiced his behaviour has upset me. I knew at the back of my mind that it was the first incident which had caused him to distant. But we had decided to give things another go. I asked him several times if it had been the previous incident that has hurt him as since then - things have changed since then. All I kept getting is, oh no, not at all.
Again we continued to meet up. When I started going to make any physical contact with him. He would push me away. He stopped coming over telling me his not coming over. Since then to this day, we have not had sex nor any physical contact. Yet when we are in work, he tells me we are together. When a guy made a move on me, he got concerned. When my brother slapped me, A got upset. He told his family about us.
It got to the point where I just felt like I was being used. He went away on holiday and I went out of my way to ensure his work was looked after. Through out his time away, he didn't contact me. I got so hurt and angry. That I decided to end things. I told him not to contact me ever again.
At the time, I was going meds change so my mood was quite irritable.
We recently met up. At this point, I was eager to move on but felt it was good to speak.
He finally opened up to me. Saying, from the beginning I told him about how I felt and maybe it's not working. He decided it wasn't going to work. He had held this against me the whole time despite us agreeing to give things another go. The chemistry had ran it's course and he doesn't have any strong feelings towards me like he did at the beginning. He wants nothing more but a friendship.
This really hurt me. I asked him, how do you know that things couldn't have worked out? He could have had the decency to tell me he was feeling hurt. Instead of deciding it wasn't going to work. We could have worked through it. We could have tried it. He could have told me the truth. All I got - he couldn't.
Instead he lead me on for four months. Within this time, my feelings towards him had progressed.
I feel so heartbroken and used.
Can we be fixable or is it over?
This is my first post. I am really seeking advice, comments or feedback. Anything really?
I have been/was dating my work colleague for six months. He is highly sensitive. Extremely to the point. If you say something or do something even by accident, he will remember it and hold it against you for months. He gets very hurt easily. He has an issue with commitment and intimacy. Doesn't have much experience with relationships. His previous relationship lasted 8 months. After he decided to end things with her and wanted to maintain a friendship - she walked away.
Let's call him A.
When I and A started seeing each other. It was good really good. He would text me everyday. He would invite me out. He was the first guy I lost my virginity too. He would stay over my house. We would spend the weekend together. We really enjoyed being together. He was extremely affectionate. We would hold hands and cuddle. Sex was never difficult to have. I have had a rough past and I told him all about it. He was there for me.
A month into the relationship, I became more aware of his introvert personality. It was difficult at the time as I didn't have much social skills. I always tried to make him laugh and make the move to iniate conversation. At times, it was quite isolating and I did feel it may become a difficult thing to get used too especially as we were dating.
I had been feeling at times if we were going to make it last. Especially as I wanted to go out. Most of the time, he wanted to stay over and use my laptop for FB. Conversation was extremely limited. To the point, where we would spend the time sitting and looking at each other. I found this difficult to deal with.
One day, he came over and he would lay on my bed. He had no interest in me. He just used his phone to text away the whole time. I felt rejected at this point. I felt it was wrong his actions as he was in my house and we were supposed to spend time together. Not him and his phone.
I sat him down and voiced my concerns. I explained that I felt it's not working. I was feeling ignored.
I was totally shocked at this point when he refused to talk to me nor touch me. He spent another night and ignored me. He laid his side of the bed and I laid mine.
Once time blew things over. We decided to give things another go. After this, things changed. His interactions with me became less and less.
I knew at this point, this had really affected him. The more I got to know him. I became more aware of his high sensitivity. He had issues with he has been hurt from people who have said hurtful things in the past. He held on it and allowed himself to distant from them.
As time progressed, his contact became less and less. So less, I ended up becoming the person to text and iniate meeting up. A few times, he bailed out on me and decided to hang out with friends. This behaviour really hurt me.
I have many times met with him to try and sort things out. I have voiced his behaviour has upset me. I knew at the back of my mind that it was the first incident which had caused him to distant. But we had decided to give things another go. I asked him several times if it had been the previous incident that has hurt him as since then - things have changed since then. All I kept getting is, oh no, not at all.
Again we continued to meet up. When I started going to make any physical contact with him. He would push me away. He stopped coming over telling me his not coming over. Since then to this day, we have not had sex nor any physical contact. Yet when we are in work, he tells me we are together. When a guy made a move on me, he got concerned. When my brother slapped me, A got upset. He told his family about us.
It got to the point where I just felt like I was being used. He went away on holiday and I went out of my way to ensure his work was looked after. Through out his time away, he didn't contact me. I got so hurt and angry. That I decided to end things. I told him not to contact me ever again.
At the time, I was going meds change so my mood was quite irritable.
We recently met up. At this point, I was eager to move on but felt it was good to speak.
He finally opened up to me. Saying, from the beginning I told him about how I felt and maybe it's not working. He decided it wasn't going to work. He had held this against me the whole time despite us agreeing to give things another go. The chemistry had ran it's course and he doesn't have any strong feelings towards me like he did at the beginning. He wants nothing more but a friendship.
This really hurt me. I asked him, how do you know that things couldn't have worked out? He could have had the decency to tell me he was feeling hurt. Instead of deciding it wasn't going to work. We could have worked through it. We could have tried it. He could have told me the truth. All I got - he couldn't.
Instead he lead me on for four months. Within this time, my feelings towards him had progressed.
I feel so heartbroken and used.
Can we be fixable or is it over?
