No friends, no job, no money, no girlfriend and I might aswell have no family because I don't talk to them I avoid most of them like the plague. Basically I have no life. I know all of these things can be fixed. With a job comes money, maybe friends, maybe even a girlfriend and even though I don't talk to my family they are my family and will always be there for me so I know when i feel ok talking with them they will be there. The point of this post is not to moan I know that doesn't solve anything but I'm curious to know if there are people on this site who where once in my situation and now have all the things I listed. The main thing I worry about from the list is friends, I meen if you start working somewhere chances are they all already have friends whereas I'd be starting there with no friends hopin to start fresh and make new ones. They would ask me what are you up to at the weekend and I wouldn't be up to anything because I have no friends. They would add me on facebook and see that nobody writes on my wall and if they're around me that nobody rings me. Sooner or later they would find out I have no friends and think im weird or a bad person for this so probably avoid me. These thoughts could be irrational but it seems to make sense to me. What are your thoughts on this?
My Current Situation
- Thread starter PrettyBoy
- Start date
Richey
Well-known member
Alot of these issues that you describe is simply being caught in a state. people tend to become what they are looking at or focusing on at the time. its like if you take a professional formula one race driver, they are trained to navigate the wheel at pin point accuracy because if they move or stray out of direction at such high speeds then they will go off course. so just say you are obsessing over these voids in your life right now you could also be handling them in ways that are not to your benefit.
I'll give you an example of me. i remember one time i spent a year wondering why i couldn't find a job and i felt hopeless. well it turned out i wasn't really applying for that many in the first place because deep down my actions were saying that i didnt really want a job and that i'd rather do enough to pretend i was interested in obtaining a job but the other side of me was unsure. so i thought 2-5 jobs a day was enough work. once i had reason to want a job which was to move out and be my own person, to find a passion, to feel more purpose and progress i then had a great reason to apply. then i started planning out what jobs i'd really enjoy, so i narrowed it down to music, programming, book store, courier, behind the bar, chef. and i focussed on applying for these sorts of entry level jobs and i found 20+ a day on employment websites and after less then a week i was being asked in for interviews and being offered jobs. so really my internal belief was that i wasn't going to get a job so why bother really trying that hard. and so my focus is what actually occured, what if i had of focussed on getting a job in two weeks as if it were life or death? i probably would have come close. because you then feel that desperation and it drives you.
alot of people are also deluded in that they think their resume wont get them far, its not true at all, every job has a unique system in the way it operates and every new person has to be trained from the start. i knew a person who never worked as an apprentice electrician but because he had some knowledge he was able to obtain a full license in a year uinder training but he showed passion and interest, same with my cousin, he was two months into an industrial design diploma(not even a degree) and was offered a job at a building company, a fantastic offer.
its all perception and assuptions that get in the way of peoples pursuit, they think they arn't suited so already they've programmed themselves to never get there, in that time they spent in self denial they could have been teaching themselves a skill relevant to their interests, right?
so you have to find your purpose for applying in the first place and then go for it, basically you want to fail or **** it up because this is how anyone learns and moves onwards right? wou want to be rejected, you want people to push your buttons because that is the exposure that people need to handle it better in the future, thats how you become immune to criticism and such.
regarding a girlfriend, that's something i can't give great advice on, i think its a matter of numbers, out of ten girls there might be the one that really likes you and you get on with. essentially you don't really want to go out with someone who is overly superficial and i know alot of girls who are, in the way that they methodically have this criteria for their perfect man, and they are entitled to dot hat, i mean its a free country right! and we all have certain traits that appeal to us individually but really you just want someone who likes you for you. its a fairly simple formula. but again you have to get out there amongst it, go to music gigs or join a sports club, experiment a little, its the only way.
some of it is just luck of being in the right place at the right time, its like when i met a girl at a festival and we were having so much fun then i lost her in the crowd and i couldn't find her at all, i waited outside the gates at the end and that was it, i only had a first name to go by and never saw her again. but i was lucky enough to have that experience by just attending and you deserve that as well, a chance to have a taste of meeting new people and really enjoying it, everyone deserves that.
i'm no better then you, everyone is equal and we all deserve a chance to have a great life.
I'll give you an example of me. i remember one time i spent a year wondering why i couldn't find a job and i felt hopeless. well it turned out i wasn't really applying for that many in the first place because deep down my actions were saying that i didnt really want a job and that i'd rather do enough to pretend i was interested in obtaining a job but the other side of me was unsure. so i thought 2-5 jobs a day was enough work. once i had reason to want a job which was to move out and be my own person, to find a passion, to feel more purpose and progress i then had a great reason to apply. then i started planning out what jobs i'd really enjoy, so i narrowed it down to music, programming, book store, courier, behind the bar, chef. and i focussed on applying for these sorts of entry level jobs and i found 20+ a day on employment websites and after less then a week i was being asked in for interviews and being offered jobs. so really my internal belief was that i wasn't going to get a job so why bother really trying that hard. and so my focus is what actually occured, what if i had of focussed on getting a job in two weeks as if it were life or death? i probably would have come close. because you then feel that desperation and it drives you.
alot of people are also deluded in that they think their resume wont get them far, its not true at all, every job has a unique system in the way it operates and every new person has to be trained from the start. i knew a person who never worked as an apprentice electrician but because he had some knowledge he was able to obtain a full license in a year uinder training but he showed passion and interest, same with my cousin, he was two months into an industrial design diploma(not even a degree) and was offered a job at a building company, a fantastic offer.
its all perception and assuptions that get in the way of peoples pursuit, they think they arn't suited so already they've programmed themselves to never get there, in that time they spent in self denial they could have been teaching themselves a skill relevant to their interests, right?
so you have to find your purpose for applying in the first place and then go for it, basically you want to fail or **** it up because this is how anyone learns and moves onwards right? wou want to be rejected, you want people to push your buttons because that is the exposure that people need to handle it better in the future, thats how you become immune to criticism and such.
regarding a girlfriend, that's something i can't give great advice on, i think its a matter of numbers, out of ten girls there might be the one that really likes you and you get on with. essentially you don't really want to go out with someone who is overly superficial and i know alot of girls who are, in the way that they methodically have this criteria for their perfect man, and they are entitled to dot hat, i mean its a free country right! and we all have certain traits that appeal to us individually but really you just want someone who likes you for you. its a fairly simple formula. but again you have to get out there amongst it, go to music gigs or join a sports club, experiment a little, its the only way.
some of it is just luck of being in the right place at the right time, its like when i met a girl at a festival and we were having so much fun then i lost her in the crowd and i couldn't find her at all, i waited outside the gates at the end and that was it, i only had a first name to go by and never saw her again. but i was lucky enough to have that experience by just attending and you deserve that as well, a chance to have a taste of meeting new people and really enjoying it, everyone deserves that.
i'm no better then you, everyone is equal and we all deserve a chance to have a great life.
Last edited:
Danfalc
Banned
I'm stuck at a simlar crossroad as you PrettyBoy.So there is not much I can offer in advice except sometimes chances will come along..your depression and anxiety will try and talk you out of it but sometimes you have to jump in at the deep end.
Apart from that a few years ago I got my ass into gear and started going to the gym.I felt so much better for just getting out and it really helped me get into a routine and helped my depression.Anything you can do to get yourself out and into a routine will help.It didnt solve all my problems by far but its a good step in the right direction.
Apart from that a few years ago I got my ass into gear and started going to the gym.I felt so much better for just getting out and it really helped me get into a routine and helped my depression.Anything you can do to get yourself out and into a routine will help.It didnt solve all my problems by far but its a good step in the right direction.
Yer thats true only we can help ourselves but the question is how do we beat it is it just a matter of getting out there ive tried that and still have SA
Oh My God! That's me! I could have written that post myself. Unfortunately i'm not out of that situation yet
I think a lot of us have the same views on things and are in the same situation I just hope theres a way out for all of us
Yer the gym sounds like a good idea I can get a couple of weeks for free on this benefit im on so i will have to try it out. I know id feel better if I was a bit bigger an physically stronger. Routines are good for me I do feel better problem is I cant keep them up but I won't give up trying its going to be hard but I need to have a good go at it.