Sylvan

-part 2-
I think you are really brave to adopt, especially someone from another country!! Sometimes kids can come with genetic problems or from eg alcohol/drug use by biological parents, sometimes it's not really their 'blame' or yours... It's just a difficult situation... There may be support groups or organizations that help, have you found any? Might also try to recognize the 'trigger situations' (is it when you and the kid are hungry or just came from work etc) and make a list of them and maybe brainstorm together on how to make things better...

There are some good books by Jane Bluestein too, about setting boundaries and 'positive consequences'... Sometimes small changes in communication can make big differences!

Hi Sylvan! Welcome to SPW! -part1-
I think it would be better to start your own thread, so you could get more input by more people... Have you checked any books or programs on communication and such yet? I really liked How to Talk So Kids Will Listen by Faber & Mazlish, they have some other great books too! Have you watched Nanny 911 or Super Nanny videos/TV shows? Some really great stuff there too.. You could also ask any social workers or such about any books they'd recommend, and tell you'd be more than happy to get educated about better communication techniques etc..