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Old 10-13-2015
Xion's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

I always get alone in class. No one sits near me and almost everyone ignore what I say except my crush. The one who used to talk to me the most doesn't talk to me anymore. I am so lonely in my class and no one cares about me.. And I always feel like I am gonna be alone forever. Does anyone else feel like this? And what can I do to avoid this?
Xion is offline  
Old 10-23-2015
 

Hi, I felt compelled to answer you as it would be unkind to leave you feeling lonely and unanswered in this forum too.
School can be a very difficult time. You and everyone else in class are developing your own personalities. At school theres actually more pressure on people to fit in than after you leave school.
If you hear adults say that "Childhood" is the best part of life, while true in some areas its an absolutely worrying time too as you will be questioning your life and worrying if it will be like that for ever. (Luckily its not and life will get better)
My advice is to be yourself and not worry what others think. (its actually very hard to do I know)
While you may have problems finding friendship in your class, im sure your not the only person in your school that feels that way. See if you can spot anyone else in school thats also lonely like you. Maybe someone on their own at lunchtimes whos also not displaying confidence. Start a conversation with them. Who knows you may find a friend.
If your not fitting in with the crowd in your class, I wouldnt try to change yourself to fit in. You are you, and you should like yourself as you are.
Once you leave school, your life will change. You'll become more confident, you'll meet many people like yourself with the same hobbies and interests. Your confidence will grow.
Some of the most wonderful, interesting and successful people I know had the worst times at school where they felt an outcast for being different. In later life it gave them drive to achieve their ambitions and to succeed.
Some of the most successful people I knew from school ended up with nothing. Mainly because they never learnt how to achieve anything on their own. They had their friends to rely on in school, and when everyone moved on, they felt lost and gave up.
Try not to dwell too much on your crush. Its hard I know. You will meet someone in the future.
Im a male BTW and was very shy when I was younger. I didnt get my first girlfriend until I was nearly 20yrs. I thought i'd be a virgin all my life. Over the years my confidence has grown. I learnt to interact with women. I now have lots of female friends and have had lots of girlfriends. Life changes as we grow within ourselves.
Maybe try to do some sports of hobbies. One thing that changed me was learning Martial Arts. I learnt how to move my body and it gave me discipline and control in life too. I wasnt very good at it, so I had to work harder than everyone else to succeed. Maybe look at things you want to learn in life and set out and do them. This will give you confidence, make you a more interesting person to be with, and you could also make friends.
My advice. "Never Give up". If its hard, its more rewarding when you succeed.
Good luck!
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spring (10-24-2015)
Old 10-23-2015
 

The person above just provided some golden advice that I agree with. Never give up. Just be yourself and never beat yourself down because people don't flock to you. And never pressure yourself based on what's going on around you. As you dig into your being and recognize what you actually like about yourself you will probably find more confidence. Now what's been helping me is working on small aspects of confidence and it helps a lot. What I've done is speak louder and with more conviction. It is difficult because you may worry what people think about your voice ect but remember this...it doesn't matter what is going on as far as another person's perspective of you. You are just you. They can take it or leave it. I've also noticed for years I walked with a slight slouch. I now walk with my back straight and I take every little step as if it's mine to conquer. Hope some f this makes sense to you buddy. I do hope you find your light in the darkness though. It will all play out in your favor.
Drummer90 is offline  
Old 10-24-2015
Xion's Avatar
Intermediate User
 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Miked View Post
Hi, I felt compelled to answer you as it would be unkind to leave you feeling lonely and unanswered in this forum too.
School can be a very difficult time. You and everyone else in class are developing your own personalities. At school theres actually more pressure on people to fit in than after you leave school.
If you hear adults say that "Childhood" is the best part of life, while true in some areas its an absolutely worrying time too as you will be questioning your life and worrying if it will be like that for ever. (Luckily its not and life will get better)
My advice is to be yourself and not worry what others think. (its actually very hard to do I know)
While you may have problems finding friendship in your class, im sure your not the only person in your school that feels that way. See if you can spot anyone else in school thats also lonely like you. Maybe someone on their own at lunchtimes whos also not displaying confidence. Start a conversation with them. Who knows you may find a friend.
If your not fitting in with the crowd in your class, I wouldnt try to change yourself to fit in. You are you, and you should like yourself as you are.
Once you leave school, your life will change. You'll become more confident, you'll meet many people like yourself with the same hobbies and interests. Your confidence will grow.
Some of the most wonderful, interesting and successful people I know had the worst times at school where they felt an outcast for being different. In later life it gave them drive to achieve their ambitions and to succeed.
Some of the most successful people I knew from school ended up with nothing. Mainly because they never learnt how to achieve anything on their own. They had their friends to rely on in school, and when everyone moved on, they felt lost and gave up.
Try not to dwell too much on your crush. Its hard I know. You will meet someone in the future.
Im a male BTW and was very shy when I was younger. I didnt get my first girlfriend until I was nearly 20yrs. I thought i'd be a virgin all my life. Over the years my confidence has grown. I learnt to interact with women. I now have lots of female friends and have had lots of girlfriends. Life changes as we grow within ourselves.
Maybe try to do some sports of hobbies. One thing that changed me was learning Martial Arts. I learnt how to move my body and it gave me discipline and control in life too. I wasnt very good at it, so I had to work harder than everyone else to succeed. Maybe look at things you want to learn in life and set out and do them. This will give you confidence, make you a more interesting person to be with, and you could also make friends.
My advice. "Never Give up". If its hard, its more rewarding when you succeed.
Good luck!
Thanks for the advice.
Xion is offline  
Old 10-24-2015
vj288's Avatar
Elite User
 

When I think of this issue, two solutions come to mind: change your situation, or change your perspective (or both, of course)

If I'm not wrong, the loneliness sounds like it stems from being, well, alone. You want to be around other people who listen and care, but currently that's not the situation, right? And to that the first approach would be to change that.

This is something to consider:
Quote:
Originally Posted by Miked View Post
While you may have problems finding friendship in your class, im sure your not the only person in your school that feels that way. See if you can spot anyone else in school thats also lonely like you. Maybe someone on their own at lunchtimes whos also not displaying confidence. Start a conversation with them. Who knows you may find a friend.
Go out and actively try to make friends. Joins groups and clubs, say hello to people you don't know, and actively care and show interest in what they have to say and their thoughts. It's something you want, and it's something other people want to. If you give them you attention and interest, they may want to talk to you more. I think people like to be listened to and cared about, and doing that and making people feel important and happy, will make them want to come back.

If you're like I was in school, with that seeming like a very daunting task, near terrifying, there's also this approach.


There's nothing wrong with being alone, it doesn't have to be lonely. It can be peaceful, it can be calming. The one in the video sums it all up pretty well I think, just that embracing and enjoying the alone can be great, just as being with people can be.

My two cents, hope it helped!
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fate12321 (10-24-2015)
Old 10-24-2015
Joan6466's Avatar
Newbie User
 

I think the last 2 posts are excellent- post them and reread them. I can provide some of the mechanics of the process you use to get there.
1. Check your body language- do you know how to be perceived as friendly? We who have had social phobias sometimes appear very aloof and sinister- we accidentally wear a body impression that intimidates. It can be risk-taking to look approachable. Smile! Practice the muscles in the mirror to learn how to hold a look so you don't slip back into the old muscle positions.
2. Have a headset (way of thinking that encourages you). "There are angels out there. Is it going to be written on my tombstone that I said 'hi' to someone and they didn't respond? Everyone is hiding some flaws and worries and doubts. These are my brothers and sisters".
3. Learn to take a "no" and not equate it with rejection. You have the right to initiate- they have the right to grant or refuse. If they say no, I haven't lost anything because I didn't have it in the first place. If they say yes, it's pure gravy.
4. Be strategic in where you seat yourself. Go plop in the middle of the row- not way at the side like you want to escape. That's risk-taking in itself.
5. ALWAYS REWARD YOURSELF FOR YOUR ATTEMPTS- NOT YOUR SUCCESSES. Pull out the positive (I thought about doing it- I almost did it that time! Good for me!) I smiled once! I got there!
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