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Old 12-09-2008
Livingwithoutlivin's Avatar
Newbie User

I hate going to the store to buy stuff, because I always get uneasy when I get to the cashier, and I make them feel nervous too. I hate it, I just absolutely ****ing hate how miserable and depressed and anxious I am that I even make other people feel bad. It gets to them. How the hell am I supposed to shop for Christmas presents and feel good about myself, knowing that I make the cashiers feel ackward by acting uneasy in front of them. I just act like I don't even want to look at their faces, and I have a fret, but at the same time It's like I want to get the **** out of the store, because I really cannot bear to be seen or stared at by other people. I feel like the whole world's eyes are on me, especially when they notice the look of depression and anxiety on my face, it makes them so frickin curious that they start looking at me again, but when they see me look at them, they of course turn away, but it's like I self project my anxiety to almost anyone. Sometimes it's instant, like I telepathically send them my feelings just with one look, or even with them just noticing how I'm feeling. I don't know what this is , but I feel like somebody ****ed with my mind, cause this was not me, not even at the beginning of last year was I this bad. I am not sure what messed me up, I just know that these things seem to have contributed

1. Wearing contacts, or the contact solution, it keeps making me feel sad.

2. I tried xanax once for sleep, and the first time I tried it, I woke up feeling very relaxed, but as soon as it wore off, I felt anxiety like things were not OK, and I needed it to be OK. So it's like , it wearing off made me realize that I had anxiety when not on it, or at least a feeling that I'm not feeling serene. It made my brain think that OK is supposed to be serene... there is no way I can experience that feel just for no reason, ****, this messed with my head.

3. I know that the rude customers... and not even them, they made me strong, but when I experienced the wrath of my mean assistant manager , It consumed my brain for days and made me wonder why the **** would she think it is OK to disrespect me, all because I asked a simple question about my paycheck?

4. Also , at my last job, on one night I was walking home at 12am and when I got home I could not sleep the entire time, I did not sleep from dusk to dawn, and in the morning my rib cage and other body parts started aching real bad, and I had to go to work that same day, and I felt awful and in pain, my chest felt heavy and It was the worst feeling in my life. I don't know what this was , because I did not go to the doctor, but I just know that my anxiety got worse from that point on. I also explained to a co-worker that I was terribly sick that day, and he responded by saying that I am just lazy. This annoyed me.

5. I know that I have Candida Albicans, so far the probiotics are not working any magic.

6. I don't know what else to say, I mean, if I am not currently the result of so many bad experiences, then somebody or some source that I don't know is messing with my brain, because the awful feelings that I have are going on automatic whenever I go out, and I feel like I'm on a pill that makes me feel depressed and anxious, even when I am alone. It's like somehow I'm under the influence of a drug, that actively causes me to feel this way, just as easily as a pill can sedate me.

I really wish I knew what the hell is going on.
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Old 12-09-2008
marciaX3's Avatar
Newbie User

i freak out for a few reasons...
1. cuz i don't want to know the total lol.
2. i used to worry about not having enuf cash but since i started using my credit card over a yr ago, the worries are gone now.
3. if they don't accept my credit card company. (some don't accept amex, etc).
4. people are behind me and don't like that my checking out is taking so long cuz i tend to have as many coupons as possible and if i have a lot of items.
5. if i'm buying something "embarassing" (girl stuff) and the cashier is a guy or something.
6. whenever they ask me to sign up for their membership program or whatever and i don't want to, i always feel bad like i'm offending them by not signing up for their crap.

i think that's it lol.
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Old 12-09-2008
2Crowded's Avatar
Expert User

Well yes..I get nervous when going to check out...hate everything about it...but just something I cant really avoid....unless I go through one of those automated checkout things....but those make me nervous to cause if you do something wrong it keeps telling you over & over again to scan the item again or place the item back into the bag..or whatever...& it feels like everyone is looking & can hear the stupid thing disagreeing with me...then if you cant solve the problem on your have to stand there looking stupid until someone comes to help i hate both versions of checkout...

I spose the person version is less stressful for me cause i always choose them over the self checkout...but it sucks too...I always search for the lane that looks like it will be the least possible wait time of course...but of course that dont always work well cause with my luck, the lane i choose ends up having a cashier that needs help ringing up a strange item...then we all have to stand there looking stupid pretending to be ok with waiting...then someone files in behind me...& I never turn around to look at them if i can help it....Im usually so ready to get the heck out of there the instant I get in line...entire time im thinking to myself...come on.. come on..hurry the hell up...I want out of here already.
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Old 12-09-2008
Sad-Kitten's Avatar
Intermediate User

I have the same problem. I hate standing in line especially if it's crowded and i hate it when a cashier wants to make smalltalk. I just try to grab whatever i need quick find the least busy lane and get out of there.
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