Im 17 years old and I've always thought of suicide since I was 10. a couple of years ago, my dad passed away. this left me with my 30 y/o brother who molested me when I was younger, my uncle (dads brother) who is practically the only member of my family with sense, and my delusional mother who believes that someone planted video cameras in our house and is watching her every move, causing her to be extremely paranoid all the time and taking things out n me. Recently, my uncle had a stroke and probably will not make it. im left with my mother who I love very dearly, for shes all I have, but this life has just become too much. i confided in relationships for support. One last a while and I was both emotionally and physically abused. Recently, I lost my boyfriend of 9 months because of course, with no surprise i mess everything up. I have always had very serverse depression but I have not been diagnosed. Whenever I would bring up seeing a doctor, her immediate solution is that I need to pray. Yes, pray. I wake up every single morning wishing I hadn't. It is so difficult for me to get out of bed. I feel a weight on me and I just sit and cry. School sucks because im in a scholar's academy and anything below a 90 is practically failing. I truthfully cannot take anything anymore. with the passing of my dad, the situation with my mom where she thinks she's being watched all the time, past boyfriends, I just feel like I can't do it anymore and I don't know what else to do. I don't smoke or drink because I have a very addictive personality and I fear that if I even try it I won't stop. So luckily, I do not have not problem. I just don't know what to do because I know my desire to be here at all is slowly dwindling.
If you actually read all this, thanks.
If you actually read all this, thanks.
