I have trouble being affectionate towards people

Uglyduckling

Uglyduckling

Active member
I was wondering if other people with SA feel this way.

I think it's due to isolating myself so much and not being around people and due to the fact that I really hate myself. Because I don't feel loved I have trouble loving people.

This next part will sound terrible, it does to me. I have trouble being affectionate towards my nieces and my bf. It's nothing that they did. It's just I think, I don't know how to love people anymore. :( I'm very sad about this.
 
Lost_Nomad

Lost_Nomad

Well-known member
is it that way with everyone or just people close to you?. I also cant be so affectionate. in real life i am a closed person.
 
allanboy

allanboy

Well-known member
Kinda happens to me too. Cant say what i feel for people most of the times, and i cant fucking help people in time, give them support, it´s very ashaming, but i cant say or do anything, "respect" for the person´s grief. bullshit
 
redlady

redlady

Well-known member
I am very closed off as well. I can't be affectionate towards people - if a problem arises i try and approach it through logic and reason rather than with any emotion - i can come off as quite cold and uncaring. When i see people cry and i know that if i just go over and hug them and physically comfort them it will make all the difference - but i can't, inside i want to and it causes me great anxiety that i am unable to - but i am frozen, completely rigid. A part of me is also afraid of rejection - i am afraid that they may push me away and tell me that they don't want my comfort - gosh that is sad.
 
Mandy-Chan

Mandy-Chan

Active member
With parents i cant stand the hugging/kissing, but i've always wanted someone to say "its alright" and hold me... i always daydream about it. i want someone to be my protecter of all the pain. i know i'll probebly never find someone like that, but its realy nice to think about.
 
Bx

Bx

Member
I consider myself asexual, which basically mean not sexual, and I feel the same but only romantically.
I can hug and hold hands with good friends but if it's new people or someone has romantic intentions I just switch off and move well away :/

I don't think you're unusual at all. I know a LOT of people who aren't comfortable being affectionate.

It's not a nice feeling, and I really have no idea how to help you.
Maybe start off small? Talk to you bf and explain how you feel.
 
sheree

sheree

Well-known member
I hate it if someone comes into my "space"
even my mum knows better than to hug me ect.
 
sugaryberries

sugaryberries

Well-known member
The only people I really "like" to hug are my sister and parents. But I hardly do hug them anyway. It feels weird to hug even my grandparents.

But then I hate people standing extrememly near me in line.

This girl I had just met at a friend's party a year ago came up and hugged me and I'm like WTF. I don't even really know you. It's always perplexed me about those people who are really outgoing with their friends- they're like oh I love you (big hugges and kisses on the cheek) and then in the next week they hate each other.
 
A

Angie_05

Well-known member
redlady said:
I am very closed off as well. I can't be affectionate towards people - if a problem arises i try and approach it through logic and reason rather than with any emotion - i can come off as quite cold and uncaring. When i see people cry and i know that if i just go over and hug them and physically comfort them it will make all the difference - but i can't, inside i want to and it causes me great anxiety that i am unable to - but i am frozen, completely rigid. A part of me is also afraid of rejection - i am afraid that they may push me away and tell me that they don't want my comfort - gosh that is sad.
Click to expand...

Me too. The only person I can show affection to freely is my boyfriend. I can't even tell my family that I love them. And the crying thing is sooo awkward.
 
lonesomeboy

lonesomeboy

Well-known member
iam the same way. showing feelings to affection to my even my parents and brother is so hard. i love em and all but its just something my family does not do often. i used to be very affectionte to my brother when he was growing up, but now hes a teenager we dont anymore.
 
Waybuloo

Waybuloo

Well-known member
If it is someone i have strong feelings for like my mum or my cousin i love to show affection like hugging and kissing. I say i love u all the time to my cousin, but i find it hard to say it to my parents for some reason. I'm a bit of a nut.
 
afraz

afraz

New member
Hi evreyone!
I have a technique in my head which is world-famous and used by nearly all major personalities such as George Bush to become more affectionate when around people. Want to hear it? Well, the technique is called "charisma". To apply it to any social setting just smile and pay attention to the person who you are trying to be affectionate to. Thats all there is to it! I know this technique works because I used to have Social Phobeia, but overcome it by using the "charisma" technique and now am a leading psychologist in the United Kindom. However for some people this technique wont work because frankly - they are too scared to try it, and therefore wont get the results they deserve! The best way to overcome this feeling of failure is to by simply faceing it head on!

Hope it helps,
Afraz Ahmad
www.lulu.com/afrazahmad
 
IceLad

IceLad

Well-known member
I've always had great trouble showing my feelings when I'm with people, and when I do, they tend notice and make comments e.g. "its nice to see you display some emotion for once", which makes me even more paranoid and self conscious!
 
Snowdrop

Snowdrop

Well-known member
I know how you feel. Since anxiety/depression started I feel like a changed person. It sounds really bad but I even question whether I even love my family, or if they love me. My logic says they of course love me, but myself? I honestly don't know, all I know is I feel empty inside and sad. I think I'm blinded by depression so I can't see or feel anything. I won't ever stop searching for happiness though. After meeting so many other people here on this thread, all going through something similar, they are awesome people and so are you and no one should give up. (sorry for the cheesiness ::p:)
 
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