childhood-
then i moved to china 2 years ago. and everything was good, not a sign of OCD. and then i was readig a bok on serial killers, and now i think i'm a serial killer...
I also read a couple of books about serial killers. When ever i get angry in work, i seem to have really violent thought of doing things to people that make me angry. And working in a Hotel Kitchen, these thoughts usually consist of the things i see every day. Namely Knives and very acidic cemicals (strong oven cleaners), and pans that have either hot boiling water, or hot boiling soup/sauces. But, i am also confused. When i have these thoughts, i feel something, and im not sure if its anxiety or adrenalin, maybe a mix of both. When i was a kid, i use to imagine beating up people that bullied me, and i felt the same feelings. The more 'into it' i am, the stronger the feelings become. I also used to have thoughts of me cutting my own wrists/throat whenever i picked up a knife.
I dont know when this started:
When im in the car as a passenger (i dont drive) i find myself counting the white lines in the road at times. Also, when a car passes from opposite direction, i count the 'facial features' of the car. I look at the left light, count 1, look at the car badge in the centre, count 2, and look at the other light, and count 3. with every car that passes, until some other thing catches my attention.
Its also the same for people, but not always. 1 for ear, 2 for eye, 3 for nose, 4 for other ear, 5 for other eye, and 6 for mouth, and as i am counting i look at the feature in question, just like i do with cars.
I knew i had s/a for some time, found out just over 3 years ago (after about 10-15 years thinking what the f*** is wrong with me). I came back to this sight just today, because i was depressed. I just wanted to read other people's problems (to see if it help's or not) and found info about OCD which i never knew what it was, so i researched, and found out i have that too. I thought it was a part of s/a, but i was wrong.
Nev