How do speak to people??

I've been wondering why I don't get on with people...putting aside the SA thing for a minute...

See sometimes I do speak to people (not often but it does happen) but I must say completely the wrong things.....and I don't seem to know what the right things are!!

I've not had an unusual upbringing, i haven't been isolated so why is it I don't know what to say to people??

I try consistently to be as friendly as I can, not be rude or offensive, I would hate to hurt someones feelings. I think I try sooooo hard to be a nice person but generally I feel like people just don't take to me.

I think it would be easier to overcome SA if I felt like when I do speak up people like me for it.....but it doesn't seem to be the case...so often stayign quiet seems the better option!

Maybe people see your trying to hard and think "ok whats she after"? or "why she being really friendly"? Just ideas, but you know what i never undestood is why people have this thing about not being able to say the right things, what are the right things or wrong things to say? there are none, just certain places we cant talk about certain subjects. Anything eles is just converstaion and yes some people are better at talkin then others and others are better at listening then others. But all you have to do really is just surround yourself with people who like the same things as you and you will find that you will know what they are talking about so you will able to talk and say all the right things and build up your conversational skills

I'm also trapped with this issue. It's hard for me to find the right balance between showing interest to them and telling something about me.

Anyway I think it is a lack of practice.

Ask them a question in an area/topic that you know you can then rebuttal with something about you or your experiences or even a joke.

Looking for shared interests, and using them to start a conversation helps. I find that it's somewhat easier to have a conversation when the topic is about something I know a little about. There's less pressure because in discussing things you're familiar with because it's easier to be yourself when you discuss things that you are interested in.

However, I also have the same problem as the OP. Sometimes, I try too hard to be friendly, with a fear of silence controlling my decision to speak. Not surprisingly, this approach only creates more distress and makes future conversations more difficult.

I find it a struggle to talk to any one unless they start a converstation with me and even then it dies out very quickly.

Pay attention to how many times they bring up topics. If you're always the one initiating, they probably don't want to speak with you.

If they do bring up topics, make sure you (at least sometimes) offer non-neutral opinions about some subjects. If you're there to mainly nod your head and smile, you'll bore people. Say something you can justify and not just shrug your shoulders about.