Dead End / Growing Depressed / Ruining Chances

[Iseesky]

I developed anxiety when I was in grade 1 or so. Maybe even kindergarten.
The anxiety quickly subsided within a year or two only to resurge again when p.u.b.erty (does that need to be censored? wow) came along (grade 7). I was a bit of an ugly duckling and I think that played a major role. All of the friends I used to feel so comfortable around were now much 'cooler' and 'prettier' than I was. I felt unworthy and I began pushing them away. A few of them pushed me away, but the majority of the time, it was me doing the pushing.

By the end of high school, 2 things happened: one, I pushed away all but 2 friends and two, the ugly duckling syndrome went away and I started to feel reasonably confident.

I then went to community college and lived at home as I was doing so. It was really good. I had absolutely no trouble talking to people. Even boys! Nobody knew me as 'the quiet girl' and I could be as outgoing as I wanted. But the problem was that I wasn't sure how to turn acquaintances into friendships and after every semester, I lost track of every person I spoke to in each class.

After 2 and a half years in college not knowing what I wanted to be or do, a family member pointed me in the direction of a full-time office job. It was terrifying. I'd never had a job before. I ended up getting it (been working there for 1.5 yrs) and, though I don't exactly like it, it pays quite well and it's pretty low-stress.

So that's where I'm currently at. I feel as though I'm at a dead end. I still have the 2 friends that stuck by me in high school. One of which I speak to and see regularly. The other one I make an effort to see a couple times a year. The friend I speak to regularly is in a similar position as me. She has a boyfriend and another 'sort of' friend that has come back into her life, but that's it.

I feel stuck. My coworkers are so very nice. I really like them. The problem is that they're all significantly older than me...Most of them have kids my age or older. With that said, I don't know where to go from here. I have old friends on facebook and see that they're travelling and falling in love and really enjoying themselves. I feel like I'm being left behind.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm lonely! And my parents suggest that I join recreational groups or something to meet people, but with social anxiety, it definitely isn't easy, is it!? And I'm a bit of a boring person as well. I like to read and paint and garden and watch movies. I avoid clubs and bars like the plague. That type of scene just isn't for me.

I'm not a social butterfly and I enjoy being alone for the most part, but the idea of going hiking and camping in the mountains with a handful of people makes me so happy! Or going to a concert with a group of likeminded people. It just isn't happening. And when will I ever get a boyfriend?!

I reassure myself by saying that I'm young and have plenty of time. However, being realistic, if nothing changes, time will run out. It's really starting to bum me out. I don't feel that I'm at where I should be at and I don't see things getting better.

Have you guys felt like this? How did you get through it? Any comments appreciated. Thanks for reading.

 

[jc972]

Hiking and camping? You sound fun! I enjoy those as well. A lot of times it's hard to turn acquaintances into real friends. You don't sound like you'd have a hard time finding a boyfriend, lots of guys are outdoorsy types and some don't like clubs at all. It's hard to have friends your age when you don't do things they do like bars/clubs. I always found that when it seemed like I'd hit a dead end like no girlfriend, no friends whatever- things would start getting better. Besides all that you seem like somebody that'd be cool to hang out with- hiking, camping, and gardening being your interests.

 

[Odo]

Working life always feels like a dead end, I think... you've spent your whole life preparing and growing and being challenged and passing tests, and then suddenly you're thrown into the job market which tends to be a lot less intellectually demanding and lot more physiologically demanding (sitting all day, stress, office politics, etc).

I'm slowly growing convinced that a lot of people don't always like the people they befriend, it's more like they're just using them as stepping stones to get to the people that they actually do like.

I don't really have a solution for you but as a young woman who is apparently pretty I'm sure that if you tried online dating you would probably be able to find someone within an hour or so... though I really couldn't say if you would enjoy their company or not.

 

[Iseesky]

Thanks, guys!

I wish I had met more outdoorsy guys in college. I think if someone asked if I'd like to go for a hike/picnic outside somewhere I'd be much more inclined to agree than if they were to ask me to go to a restaurant or anywhere else. But anyway. Also, I LOVE that you hunt for your own meat rather than for sport. Much respect!

And I didn't say I was pretty, just that I'm not terribly hideous anymore. Haha
I don't even know where I stand with respect to boys and dating. I could be entirely aware that a guy likes me and I could like him back, but rather than taking the chance and going on a date, I just decide that it's not worth it and being single is much more comfortable. And online dating is an interesting thing that might be worth trying. There is this one guy I met online through a website such as this...

And I agree with your first two paragraphs as well. I'm used to sitting in a classroom being taught. And now I sit at a desk and do the same thing over and over and over again. I don't want to be doing it forever, but it's good for right now. As for the second paragraph, friends in high school used to go on and on about how they didn't like this person or that person and how annoying they were. 4 years later and they're all good friends.

 

[jc972]

Thanks, guys!

I wish I had met more outdoorsy guys in college. I think if someone asked if I'd like to go for a hike/picnic outside somewhere I'd be much more inclined to agree than if they were to ask me to go to a restaurant or anywhere else. But anyway. Also, I LOVE that you hunt for your own meat rather than for sport. Much respect!

Why thank you for the kind words :bigsmile: Most people, women especially, seem to be put off by the hunting thing. My wife's wanna-be ivy league friends are appalled by it when they're at my house and I bring a deer or wild hog home. Give things time and they will fall into place I'm sure of it!

 

[ryan2022]

It took me a long time to learn this (for myself anyway) and it still pops up once in a while.

I think we put a lot of unecessary strain on ourselves over our career. We try to live up to the expectations of others, and always look for the next opportunity.

My advice (and its only advice) is to put life first, career second my friend! We try to control things down to the last detail when they usually take care of themselves, and we could be spending our energy enjoying the things that we should.

 

[SourceCode]

I feel the same to some extent. I am working in a good company and have good job. But I dont like it anymore. I dont have any friend. There was time when I enjoyed hiking and camping. But now, I dont even like to go out. Dont take bath for days. Its hard to go to office. I often reach late. I skip office atleast once a week. On weekends, I never go out. I think I am lonely :thinking:

 

[Iseesky]

No worries! I'm a huge animal lover and, though I'd never ever want to go hunting myself, I feel like getting meat from the forest is much more normal and healthy than getting it from a barn where it's raised to be eaten.

Good advice, ryan. I'll keep it with me. Thanks.

Source, why exactly do you not like to go out anymore? Personally, I enjoy going out when I have someone to go out with, but these days I pretty much only have 1 person, excluding my family, to go out with.

 

[Bronson99]

The best way is to give up, man. No more pain that way.

Just transition yourself into a new life where you're not dependent on anyone, you don't need the opposite sex, you don't need success.

Just become a pillar monk. You won't have worldly desires if your close to the sky, and therefore closer to your God.

 

[Iseesky]

Interesting. I guess that wouldn't be so bad. Using my life as a weapon/pawn to further a cause I support.
If all else fails, that's what I'll do. But I'm not at rock bottom yet. I still have hope and opportunities. I just have to learn how to use them to my advantage.

 

[Goblinko]

Well, as you're seeking for advice, I may suggest some:

- Wiki How. This is a website where I learned some things about life and such;
- Always remember that only you can control your destiny. Nothing else;
- Introvertness is not a "disease". I'd suggest you to read Susan Cain's book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts".

 

[Earthcircle]

The best way is to give up, man. No more pain that way.

Just transition yourself into a new life where you're not dependent on anyone, you don't need the opposite sex, you don't need success.

Just become a pillar monk. You won't have worldly desires if your close to the sky, and therefore closer to your God.

Some people here might think you are being sarcastic, but I don't. You're referring to contemptus mundi, which is a serious concept. Could you say more about it. How can someone today be a pillar monk?

 

[Iseesky]

Well, as you're seeking for advice, I may suggest some:

- Wiki How. This is a website where I learned some things about life and such;
- Always remember that only you can control your destiny. Nothing else;
- Introvertness is not a "disease". I'd suggest you to read Susan Cain's book "Quiet: The Power of Introverts".

Thanks! I'll take these into consideration and check her book out.