Hahaha love how God/whoever decides my faith

[andy316]

I have had mental illness since I was small,and if anyone ever went through my previous posts you would know me better.

I was pretty lonely in high school,not that I wanted,but was enforced strictly by my god forsaken mom. Everyone says she needs help, and people ask me how I even stayed with her for 10 years like this. Complete isolation. She even convinced me that my best friend is her,and that she is the only person in the world that cares about me...pretty creepy. She even tried to find out whether I was jacking off,and would go to lengths as to make sure I don't. She was even suspicious that I was trying to look at her naked.DISGUSTING.

Now you have family people here telling me how I need to work out,socialize and not be a loser.Mother****ers, try to be in my place spoiled *******s. They even tell me that I am spoiled,as if my brother is the most saint person out there.

In college,I get accused by my friend if I am gay.Why he says it?Only because his GF thinks I hang out with him too much.



Hahhahahahaha gotta love how pathetic and hopeless my life is.I finally think I have reached some peace,but nope.Guess what,I am very close to suiciding,to the point I even know what drug I need to take.A matter of time.

 

[jryden]

I can relate to family members saying that you need to socialize more. Its annoying in my case b/c they dont know about my SA so they dont understand.

I want to be your friend lol you sound too much like me.

What did you mean by "love how God/whoever decides my faith "?

 

[andy316]

I can relate to family members saying that you need to socialize more. Its annoying in my case b/c they dont know about my SA so they dont understand.

I want to be your friend lol you sound too much like me.

What did you mean by "love how God/whoever decides my faith "?

It means I have no control over my destiny...my "friend" GF thinks I am gay because I hang out with him too much..maybe because I find him cool and a good friend to me? My brother and his friends met almost everyday when they were in college,been through almost everything when in there...is he gay?

I TRY to socialize,but I guess God would love me to be lonely.

 

[jryden]

It means I have no control over my destiny...my "friend" GF thinks I am gay because I hang out with him too much..maybe because I find him cool and a good friend to me? My brother and his friends met almost everyday when they were in college,been through almost everything when in there...is he gay?

I TRY to socialize,but I guess God would love me to be lonely.

OK his GF needs to mind her own business. Is your friend saying that too?
He's your best friend, you probably have alot in common and like hanging out together-who cares.

I believe in God and I do agree on not having control over your destiny. I believe we have control over the little things we do daily but the bigger things that make life what it is, are not in our hands in my opinion. I'm sure alot of ppl here will disagree.

Socializing..oh I wish I had some advice. I dont even leave my house unless I have to. As soon as I get a job and a car, I'll try to make friends but oh idk.

Where do you live?

 

[GhoulsNightOut]

Damn…I’m sorry you went through that. I can relate on growing up with twisted, creepy parents. Believe me... It got to the point where I became a full blown madwoman awhile back. Did a whole lot of yelling, crying, and throwing things. I even told them I wish they were dead.
And now I’m happily sleeping on the floor of an acquaintance’s apartment (he has a couch but it’s uncomfortable to sleep on lol). Also, my family members only hear from my mom’s side of the story which is always altered to make her the victim and me the ungrateful nightmare child, which I eventually became.

Well, all I can say is it’s not the end. It sucks to have lived like that but your past doesn’t predict a future of doom as long as you take the right action. It just takes a lllooott of practice to let go of the past and focus on what you need to do now to be where you want in the future. Because that’s all that matters, is what you’re doing right now. There are plenty of people out there who made it out of their own hell so why can’t we? I know it doesn’t mean a whole lot coming from me because I’m not there yet but I’m working on it, and I hope you will do the same. So hang in there and stay hell bent for living large, my mentally ill friend.