From average joe to reclusive hermit

redsoxfan

redsoxfan

Member
Aside from the house to the car and the car to therapy, I haven't been outside in over a year. Basically my agoraphobia developed from, you guessed it, high school. But to be honest I really wasn't someone that you would ever imagine this happening to, I had some friends, I got along with everybody, i've never been in a fight, i'm not a virgin and i've had a girlfriend or two. But like every other kid, I caught some shit here and there, and I just take things really personal. The last day I went outside was when I showed up at my drivers ed class, it was like they took every asshole that I knew and threw them into one room, I caught a lot of flack, and i'd just had enough. There's really no one reason keeping me inside, i'm scared of a 10 year old walking his dog to a senior citizen outside the medical building when I sit in the car outside of therapy waiting for them to leave so I can sneak inside. I've been ducking phone calls, emails, hiding in my basement when friends stop by, I'm afraid to let anyone even see me. Aside from the internet I have no real social connection. I recently had my 1 year anniversary of therapy, it really isn't doing anything for me, but mainly because I don't think i'm going for the right reasons. I'm very stubborn and at this point, frustrated as hell, i'm not looking to use any type of meditation to lower my anxiety, I want to break through it like a f%$%ing dumptruck through a wall. I don't want to control anxiety, I want to eliminate it. I refuse to take pills, I figure if I can get myself in, i'll get myself out, -I supposse in hopes of being a stronger and better person. I'm pretty self-conscious and i've never been a complete lard, but recently to help boost esteem, i've been working out for a little over an hour every other day, but recently have been at it daily. I've rambled on for a while, and I don't know what kind of response i'm looking for, or any at all, bust just to know there's other people who understand what i'm going through helps. I'm only 17 years old, these are suppose to be the best years of my life, i'd like to live them.
 
jayo

jayo

Well-known member
Red Sox

Looks like you need help.
I'm 35 this month and would love to be 17 again knowing then what I know now.
Taking medication is not admitting defeat.
Take it - get into CBT - build a program for yourself and put goals in place.

Look forward one year and set goals - keep in touch with this site.

Good luck
Jayo
 
silentscreams

silentscreams

Member
redsoxfan said:
Aside from the house to the car and the car to therapy, I haven't been outside in over a year. Basically my agoraphobia developed from, you guessed it, high school. But to be honest I really wasn't someone that you would ever imagine this happening to, I had some friends, I got along with everybody, i've never been in a fight, i'm not a virgin and i've had a girlfriend or two. But like every other kid, I caught some shit here and there, and I just take things really personal. The last day I went outside was when I showed up at my drivers ed class, it was like they took every asshole that I knew and threw them into one room, I caught a lot of flack, and i'd just had enough. There's really no one reason keeping me inside, i'm scared of a 10 year old walking his dog to a senior citizen outside the medical building when I sit in the car outside of therapy waiting for them to leave so I can sneak inside. I've been ducking phone calls, emails, hiding in my basement when friends stop by, I'm afraid to let anyone even see me. Aside from the internet I have no real social connection. I recently had my 1 year anniversary of therapy, it really isn't doing anything for me, but mainly because I don't think i'm going for the right reasons. I'm very stubborn and at this point, frustrated as hell, i'm not looking to use any type of meditation to lower my anxiety, I want to break through it like a f%$%ing dumptruck through a wall. I don't want to control anxiety, I want to eliminate it. I refuse to take pills, I figure if I can get myself in, i'll get myself out, -I supposse in hopes of being a stronger and better person. I'm pretty self-conscious and i've never been a complete lard, but recently to help boost esteem, i've been working out for a little over an hour every other day, but recently have been at it daily. I've rambled on for a while, and I don't know what kind of response i'm looking for, or any at all, bust just to know there's other people who understand what i'm going through helps. I'm only 17 years old, these are suppose to be the best years of my life, i'd like to live them.
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hi I just wanted to say my son and I both have this and he could so relate to you
he hasn't been outside either and for him all the things you avoid so does he
just know you aren't ALONE
like you we decided medication right now isn't the answer and we have done the cognitive behaviour therapy but sometimes it seems three steps forward and two steps back or rather two forward and three back
not fond of ppl either age isn't a factor
it's the interacting in person with others he isn't able to do although he would like to I think
just don't be too hard on yourself
you have to do what is best for you
hopefully one day my son will be able to feel up to it
I am dealing with mine and his one day at a time
Work for me can be hard but I am learning to cope
calm deep breaths help
sometimes you have to know this doesn't just go away
I think coping skills help you deal with it
hopefully my son will be able one day to do the things he used to but it is not possible for him right now and pressuring him doesn't help
it is cool you are keeping yourself busy excercising and like you my son does similar things and has interaction with the "outside" world via his computer
keep your head up high and my hope for you is that someday things will change for you and my son
it takes courage to even admit you have this let alone trying to deal with it with or without support
I try to educate myself and advocate for the both of us
Take care!
 
SilentType

SilentType

Banned
My social phobia started about the same age as yours so I know just what you're going through. I hid from people, didn't go outside, and everything else you mentioned plus more. I think the fact that you've been receiving therapy for a year and have found no benefit says that you need a change. I say give medication a try. As nice as it would be, your theory that you got yourself in so you can get yourself out does not work in this instance. This is a physical illness and you need some medication to slow your mind. I take a benzodiazepine drug called Klonopin whenever I go out where socializing may arise. At first you feel like you want the drug to be a miracle and just fix you but you'll find that you'll need to combine your therapy with your meds and you will get past this. You can do it, kid. I'm to the point where I can go out without the medication, but it makes socializing so much easier that its just not worth it. I don't care if I have to take it the rest of my life. At least I won't deal with anymore panic attacks or agoraphobia.

Peace
 
SIXSTRINGS1975

SIXSTRINGS1975

New member
Redsox,

I can understand your resistance to medication, but why not give it a try? A benzodiazapine is no more a big huge deal than having a beer.

Here's some advice regarding xanax, a common med prescribed for anxiety.

See a doctor. If you're very anti-med, ask him if you can try using xanax or another benzodiazipine as topical treatment to help you in your self therapy.

If your doc gives you a benzo (probably xanax), ask if you can start at a low dose (.25mg), and also ask if you can take it as needed rather than a four times a day regimen.

Here's the deal with benzos: they work. BUT, if you take them on a regular basis, your brain adjusts and then they stop working and you need more.

But, benzodiazapines are a fantastic tool for conquering anxiety. Having that pill in your pocket can be like an emergency life saver. You can go out, and push yourself all that you can and feel safe in knowing that if a panic attack hits, the pill will calm you down fast.

What I've found in the past is that just having the pill is a huge security blanket, just knowing I can take it if I have to -- this is important, because agoraphobia is all about the fear of a panic attack.

So, it's not like "relying on a pill." It still gives you that challenge to conquer your panic as much as you can, and you feel accomplishment when you make it through without having to take the pill.

Hope that helps, best of luck. :D
 
redsoxfan

redsoxfan

Member
i've recently cracked down my stubborn emotional wall and am taking medication, Zoloft. It's been about 2 weeks with no results, not that i'm expecting a miracle by any means. I can pray that god will come down from the heavens and solve my every problem, but I know better.
I'm exercising still and working to improve my diet. Obviously myself, but loved ones around me are also deeply frustrated on why I can't get better, but it's impossible to explain it takes everything I have just to get out of bed in the morning. I know it's corny, but it makes me feel so much better when I browse social networking sites to see pictures of friends, a little reminder of what i'm missing.
Going to keep taking the medicine, exercising, and hope for the best. I miss school, friends, and girls! I miss my life.
 
Butterflies

Butterflies

Well-known member
Hi Redsox -

I have never been on meds but I'll admit I've never felt extreme agoraphobia before.

It can take many years and factors for these problems to develop - so it can takes many years and factors to completely overcome it.

You are 17 - a difficult time for you to be experiencing what you are experiencing. It's always a difficult time but 17 - well it's especially hard.

Just knowing that it was possible to heal is a start... one day you'll be in a position to help alot of people.
 
F

flake__

Well-known member
I'm 18 and with severe SP so i relate. They are supposed to be the best years of our lives and we are just watching 'em pass away.

My advice would be to be VERY wary of pills! Don't think your doctor knows best--ask why is he prescribing it to you--do you have the problems he is saying you have? Cos sometimes they can get it very wrong. and check out everything he prescribes you before taking it and beware of side effects!

It seems like alot of people on here have been through alot of pills, and it can do you alot of damage and create more problems.

Having said that if you find one that does work this can be good, as it physically reduces the anxiety, so it can help alot, but it probably will not cure it.
 
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