Miserum
Well-known member
My expectations for how the world should treat me doesn't sync with the actuality of the world.
And it's probably yet another cause in the puzzle known as my social anxiety.
Despite the pitfalls of my adolescence, I had a relatively happy childhood up until the age of 5, when my parents divorced. I guess this happiness extended to about the age of 8 before shit started to hit the fan.
My point is, maybe I'm stuck in that pre-shit-hitting-the-fan era in my mind, and in essence, in my heart, believe that the world is supposed to actually be warm and fuzzy and coddling.
But it's not. Of course it's not and I know this. Maybe I just desire it to be so badly that I've developed some form of cognitive dissonance where I can't reconcile my feelings with what is real. I desire to go back to the "good ol' days" where I had a loving family and loving friends, and everything was beautiful.
But alas, that reality can only exist for ignorant children, and probably, millionaires; I should probably accept that instead of wallowing in self-pity, which is totally useless. Actually, people in the real world are crass, rude, selfish, devious, and unthinking--for a variety of reasons. This is nothing new, but seeing it in the light of my personal cognitive dissonance might be. The more I think about it, the more I feel like having a victim worldview is the worldview a spineless ***** would have. And I've certainly felt like one for a long time. "The world is shit. Get used it," as my dad would probably say.
And as they say, you can never go home again.
Maybe I should go out in the world expecting the worst, but also understanding the worst as default. Seems I can adapt more readily this way, instead of constantly thinking that people should treat me nicely or fairly.
And it's probably yet another cause in the puzzle known as my social anxiety.
Despite the pitfalls of my adolescence, I had a relatively happy childhood up until the age of 5, when my parents divorced. I guess this happiness extended to about the age of 8 before shit started to hit the fan.
My point is, maybe I'm stuck in that pre-shit-hitting-the-fan era in my mind, and in essence, in my heart, believe that the world is supposed to actually be warm and fuzzy and coddling.
But it's not. Of course it's not and I know this. Maybe I just desire it to be so badly that I've developed some form of cognitive dissonance where I can't reconcile my feelings with what is real. I desire to go back to the "good ol' days" where I had a loving family and loving friends, and everything was beautiful.
But alas, that reality can only exist for ignorant children, and probably, millionaires; I should probably accept that instead of wallowing in self-pity, which is totally useless. Actually, people in the real world are crass, rude, selfish, devious, and unthinking--for a variety of reasons. This is nothing new, but seeing it in the light of my personal cognitive dissonance might be. The more I think about it, the more I feel like having a victim worldview is the worldview a spineless ***** would have. And I've certainly felt like one for a long time. "The world is shit. Get used it," as my dad would probably say.
And as they say, you can never go home again.
Maybe I should go out in the world expecting the worst, but also understanding the worst as default. Seems I can adapt more readily this way, instead of constantly thinking that people should treat me nicely or fairly.
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