Derealization? Who Knows.

Since the summer is over, I have no choice but to leave my home. Being out has shown me just how derealized I am, or more closely how I seem. Being around people just isn't the same anymore. I really feel like I'm on another planet. These humans are.....I don't know. I look around at all these people and it doesn't even seem like I am apart of this world.

I get home after a few hours of being away and everything I done out in the real life is nothing but a dream. It feels like I am slipping farther away. When I first noticed this it was intriguing, now it is kind of weird. I don't know if it is the depression, but I'm starting to feel like if nothing seems real, why be here? I don't want to be here anymore. I have had enough of this thing they call "life".

I mean I sit in class and everyone around me is laughing at a joke someone told, and I am staring into nothingness. Someone looks at me to check to see if I am laughing and I have to snap out of it and fake a smile so I won't seem weird. I wonder why I have such a hard time understanding these beings?

I don't want to deal with any of this anymore. I can't take the emotion, I can't take the thoughts, I can't take the living. I just want to do nothing, I just want to be nothing.