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Old 07-18-2017
 

I'm 1 year out of college with zero friends. I made zero friends in college because of my social anxiety. I honestly tried my hardest in college which was supposed to be the easiest place to make friends. It wasn't enough. Now it seems impossible. I don't have the drive left and even if I did, it wouldn't be enough. What bugs me even more is I've never had a girlfriend and probably never will. I am doomed to die alone. I don't have any hobbies either as nothing interests me anymore. I used to play WoW, but that was the only passion I ever had in my life. You can only do something so much before it gets boring though.

Don't know what to do besides cry.
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Old 07-18-2017
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I always get overwhelmed when I look at all my issues as one bundled mess, and try to break them down into smaller steps. It feels, and is, a lot more manageable. Depression, anxiety, and relationships are all big issues within themselves, trying to tackle them all at once makes it feel impossible. So it may help to pick one and start there.

I know for me, the first thing I always have to address is my depression. If I'm depressed, I don't have the energy to work on anything else. Pushing myself out of my comfort zone to work on my anxiety, trying new things, putting effort into friendships - I just can't. So I'd work on that. Therapy is a thing that has helped me in the past, as well as understanding what makes me depressed and changing my lifestyle and my thinking to keep me mind healthier.


That's me personally, I find the biggest or root issue, and work my way from there.
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Old 07-25-2017
Fey
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I didn't make any friends in college, either, which was a little depressing. Socializing changes after college but some things remain the same: people still go to group settings. Whether that's meet ups or volunteer settings.

Much busier people, but if you find the energy for it then it remains a social outlet. The real problem is still learning to socialize. I'm way out of college and it's still hard for me.
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Old 07-26-2017
 

I'd say it's too early to get any friend. My case is pretty similar, I can't say I have friends at all, but I have acquaintances. It's not a really cheering up advice, but maybe it's time to consider you won't find any real friends besides acquaintances to have a nice time, studying, hanging up sometime, etc. It doesn't mean you will never find friends or someone to fall in love with, what I mean is perhaps you won't find them in college. I also feel lonely at college, but I try to talk with the person I feel more comfortable with, even if we don't become friends. I've just accepted that. I don't think I'll get a bf there either to be honest, people come and go and I haven't met anyone like that yet. And about your hobbies, it surely exists something for you, you probably still haven't found it. Interests change, your mind changes... so maybe isn't this time but tomorrow or the day after.
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Old 07-29-2017
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Been there. I did not make a single friend in 6 years at university. I talked to a handful of people in my classes a little. They were never more than acquaintances though. I got jealous of the people in my classes when I saw them outside of class, talking, studying, or just hanging out with each other. I wanted to get to know some of them too. I was just too shy and somehow out of the loop. What sucks is that school is great chance to get to know people with similar interests. But that ship sailed long ago.
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Old 08-09-2017
 

Don't feel too bad. There are more opportunities to meet people in the real world if you are brave enough. College is very over rated in general.
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Old 08-13-2017
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ontario_girl View Post
Don't feel too bad. There are more opportunities to meet people in the real world if you are brave enough. College is very over rated in general.
Yeeaaaaah...see, this is the problem for many of us here.
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Old 08-14-2017
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Originally Posted by awkwardamanda View Post
Yeeaaaaah...see, this is the problem for many of us here.
In terms or real world socializing: Everyone always recommends clubs, meetups, and other kinds of group social situations.

But I'm so rusty I appear to have lost even the (inadequate) social skills I used to have to be able to handle those situations.

Not to mention I don't relate to anyone my age. (Unless they are avoidant and underfunctioning, like me! But where do you find such folks?)
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Old 08-16-2017
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Sometimes it feels hypocritical providing advice, well for me anyway. Am wanting to say to you though, that if you're feeling this way now it does tend to get easier with age. Frustration and loneliness is never trivial and can seem painful for now and I hope you're feeling better.

I felt useless and friendless through much of my twenties. I have one close friend today at the age of 34 I met at work back in 2008. It's good to appreciate one or a few close friendships, rather than have many shallow ones.

Now in my mid-thirties I'm less bothered by feeling inadequate for having difficulty connecting or making new connections. But things continue to get easier with age and I've had many people in my current job for the past 3 years I'm happy to see and who don't see me as awkward at all.

The girlfriend this is hard too. It's important to remain hopeful and to not beat yourself up over not being in a relationship. Some days feel like a horror movie, but some days feel like a comedy movie. If that even makes sense.

Feeling disconnected sucks, but there is always a chance to make it better.
Hope all's well and catch you around.
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Old 08-18-2017
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The girlfriend this is hard too. It's important to remain hopeful and to not beat yourself up over not being in a relationship. Some days feel like a horror movie, but some days feel like a comedy movie. If that even makes sense.
The problem is that they don't like awkward guys, and especially in regards to guys with SA and related conditions (mild autism), a lot of these guys have trouble with things with holding a job and even being independent.

In a sense a lot of these "guys like us" (but certainly not everyone of us, although I do include myself)... we're the perfect picture of everything that is not desired.

I've gotten a lot of comments in other places that this notion is objectifying.. by claiming to know what women do/do not want.. it tars them all with the same brush. Please do not think I am saying that. There IS indeed individual variation.

But what about the trends? And I'm using what I have seen with my own eyes, and common sense, for reference. None of which is favorable for men with social difficulties. I'm afraid this game is already lost, especially if you're a guy who cannot function properly in society.
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Old 08-19-2017
 

What always surprises me is how people complain they are lonely or single, yet put no effort into their interactions with other people. Meetup has over 24 million registered users but I would hazard a guess that 90% or more have never attended a single event. Look at women and online dating. Most of them put no effort into it whatsoever, yet stay on it purely to receive validation. People are weak, so weak it's laughable.
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Old 08-20-2017
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Originally Posted by ontario_girl View Post
What always surprises me is how people complain they are lonely or single, yet put no effort into their interactions with other people. Meetup has over 24 million registered users but I would hazard a guess that 90% or more have never attended a single event. Look at women and online dating. Most of them put no effort into it whatsoever, yet stay on it purely to receive validation. People are weak, so weak it's laughable.
The problem is that a lot of the time the complaints reflect the reality of the situation, especially for men with any kind of social difficulty--I'm sure you know it is not something that a man can hide, in the vast majority of cases. I'm not sure I'd say the "complaining" you speak of is always reflective of weakness, as it's often a result of the harsh truth... and that harsh truth is this: socially challenged men are locked-out of romance/sensuality, many of them for their entire life. And little-to-nothing can be done about it.

As I said in the other thread, the single most repellent quality a man can have is a difficulty with socializing or some kind of pervasive shyness. Autistic men are up a tree. I'm screwed, and I've had to accept it. (That acceptance does not come without bitterness, though.)

But if you think there is hope for your proverbial socially-challenged guy who's tired of being completely alone, I'd like to hear your suggestions, in all honesty.
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