Conversations?

Hello there, this is my first post.
I guess the problem with my shyness is that I care about it. If I didn't have a problem with being shy then I wouldn't be here.

I struggle to make conversation with people. I wonder if it's because I'm shy or if I just have nothing to talk about? I can't seem to banter like other people or know how to start/carry a conversation. On the other hand, my best friend I feel 100% confident around and even if we aren't talking it's not awkward.

Any advice on how you guys manage to keep conversations going for an adequate amount of time or what topics to talk about?

Hi and welcome.
From my own experience if you master to just start talking about anything then
that is a great skill. People will like you for it as you will be perceived as an
easy person to talk to.

LAPW*

I have trouble with this too.

Conversations with new people are a real freakin' chore for me most of the time. If I'm talking to someone and the other person shows even an instant of hesitation, or any sign that I interpret as them detecting that something isn't quite right with my social graces, I get really self-conscious and freeze-up.

It's weird because if someone starts a conversation with me, (a stranger) I can usually get into it and keep it running with very few problems. There's no big inner dialogue as to how I'm doing or anxiety pertaining to the idea that I'll either come-off as arrogant or just plain strange while we're conversing.

It's like their decision to talk to me is a validation. "If they find me worthy to talk to, I must not appear to be a social cripple or odd." That initiation on their part takes the pressure off me and cuts through the insecurity about how I come across to strangers, allowing me to be myself.

But when things do go bad in a conversation, (Ha Ha) I'll usually do two things to try and correct things. First, I make really solid eye-contact. I just zoom-in and focus on the other person like no one else is alive on earth. Secondly, I'll ask a simple follow-up question about something they were already talking about.

Like if they were talking about their dog, I'll just say "So how old did you say he was?" or "Did you grow up around lots of animals as a kid?" Or something like that. Try to pick up the gist of what it is they're saying and spin that into a new line of discussion. There are endless spontaneous variations you can have at your disposal with a little practice at doing this. And it's easier than trying to remember topics because there's nothing to remember, you merely expand on what they just said.

The big trick of it though, is to truly concern yourself with what they're saying to you. Try not to fake your interest in what they're telling you at all, if at all possible. Earnestly become fascinated with this person and what it is they're telling you for this brief moment in your lives. It's all about them. Smile and nod at their points. Laugh if they say something funny. Just try your very best to forget about yourself and focus on them.

Most people will love the attention.

Believe it or not, it's actually fun once you get the hang of it. Other people are a fountain of experience, and I think seeing them for who they really are, as opposed to an inflated idea of who you think they are, by listening to a passage of their life, is also a great means of therapy against feelings of inferiority.

* Long-Ass Post Warning

eyebrows - what you talk of sounds exactly the same as me.
My few very good friends I can just chat crap with as feel on same level as them and can relax around them.
Other people I just cant...even people Ive worked with for 2 years.
What you talk of about other people able to just chat and banter I cant do either...the thing is I listen to what these people talk about when they do and most of the time its just crap and just cant force myself to talk about crap Im not interested in .
Also I find with alot of people Ill be the one asking the questions and they take no interest in me so I think why am I bothering.
I think its because I cant keep eye contact probably and so they Im weird lol

I'm terrible at conversation and I'm not even sure why. I just seem to have a knack for making replies that nobody has a response to, so then we're all in silence.

I was thinking about that today at work cause I watch all my coworkers make small talk with eachother and it just seems to come so easily...I really don't know why I can't have those same conversations

I used to have lots of trouble speaking, that is until I found Adderall. With it (or Ritalin) I can talk and talk and talk with ease. Even writing becomes easier. Without it, I simply do not talk, with the exception of my mother and my best friend.

Endymion said:

Adderall made me very antisocial, specially during the comedowns. I was talkative during the effects but a weird talkative, as if i overwhelmed people with it.

Anyway, I wouldn't recommend speed (amphetamines) to anyone, but that's just me.

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I never said I reccommended it, just saying what works for me. I use it mainly for ADD/depression and it just happens to have that positive effect on me. Ritalin has a lot less of a comedown and side effects, Id reccomend using that instead if your afraid of crashes. And your right, what goes up must come down, though if you fall asleep when you come down, you skip feeling down.

Endymion said:

The first step to overcome this is to listen. It is good to ask questions and seem interested on the answers you get. Try to get involved with whatever the other person likes and take it from there. Good facial expression and nice remarks about their likes is a good way to begin going somewhere with someone.

Assuming this is all if you are really interested on this person, if not, why bother talking to them?

You will see how after a while of you doing this to them, they will do it to you, and start asking you stuff about your likes etc. It's rather simple and surprising once it starts happening.

I am shy and I do this and it works, I am getting better with time. Just tonight I had a great night, talked to a few people, smiled a lot and gave a great impression.

Best regards and keep it up!

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Because there's no one else to talk to and you spend a lot of time in close proximity together, like at work.

this is aplce i come to because i have somethying in common with others in most people dont want to know me because im so shy they seee it as weird and think im a potential serial killer or something but im just a sad lonely man lost in the world as i have been called a poor weee soul::

having a conversation is not an art form, unlike art you dont have to be good to make it profitable, you just need to be open to it.
Have you ever met someone who talks and talks but really has nothing to say? and people who talk and talk and you see people thinking 'oh god shut up!'? its not always a good thing to talk alot, its just good to have something to say.
ill use myself as an example. i am crap at making small talk at people in shops and at bus stops etc. im also not very good with new people, it takes me time to know someone to find out what i have to talk to them about, but you need to get to that level first before you can talk easy with others, so it is important to go through that arkwardness.
when first meeting people like a colleuge, it is very unlikely you are going to click and be able to talk 8 hours straight, you will find people will chat for 2 mins...come back to them later, chat another 2 mins, then etc until you chat for the hole of your lunch break, because you build on what you have.
It takes 2 to talk, so if you have nothing to talk about, its not only you, its them too who have nothing to talk about, because believe me people who love to rant love quite people because it means they can talk more!
I have recently moved to a new town, in which there was some aquantences. i made arrangements to see them and i was as nervous as hell i would have nothing to say, i grinned and tried, and now i feel carefree about seeing them because there my friends.
you must give to recieve.

Yes, it definitely sounds like you are shy. If you didn't care about conversation than you would probably just consider yourself and introvert! Difficulty talking to people is a classic symptom of shyness IMHO. In fact, in some people, I think the whole problem of shyness stems from having difficulty talking to people. If they had no trouble talking to people, then they wouldn't feel shy! So all the other symptoms of shyness, anxiety, nerves, etc. stems from this. When I have found helps me the most is to think in advance or even write down topics of conversation. Become very familiar with this list, but do not try to memorize it, as this will just lock you out and make you seem stilted.