EntirelyLost
New member
I don’t know why it happens and I think that’s the most perplexing thing about being an invisible person. The type of person who doesn't receive calls, emails , post cards, birthday cards, or any other form of acknowledgment unless its to be forced back into this invisible world. I feel like everyone around me acts as if I've already died and has mentally moved on from me , living their day to day life and if I try to involve myself I’m some sort of annoying vesper who needs to be exorcised.
The story of my life isn't a great one. I served in the military and saw things I didn't want to, was divorced because another man had more money and now I live with my parents spending most of the money I receive on rent. 2/3’s of what I make go towards rent so I don’t have any money for anything else other than pervasive living expenses such as gas to attend a college to try and further my education.
While at this school of “higher” learning people treat me like dirt, like I belong underneath a shoe. people make snide and arrogant comments about my hair( hair I cant choose to grow any other way because of my ethnicity) and make convenient use of me to dismiss me after some satio resolve has been met. Even when I’m not doing anything, I’m doing something wrong because it doesn't feet certain specifications. Action or inaction is wrong. This is a type of forced invisibility where because you cant do anything right you have to sit in the corner in the company of other peoples shadow. I’m an adult who acts like one and does what I can yet I receive not adult like responses to my disposition.
Feeling invisible sucks and I treat people very kindly so I’m at a direct loss as to what can be done. I thought if I acted more kind, became more understanding and listened to other people I’d be labeled the nice guy and I was but I didn't know it made you invisible. To add to my misfortune I cant get a decent job(or job at all) because the divorce left me with an emptied bank account and excessive dept. Most employers do a background check jumping to conclusions because of my credit without me being able to explain. If you cant get the interview because of something negative in your background you cant explain. My work experience is desired but then there’s always that “something” wildling away at my opportunities.
Opportunities also come rare to me. From a job, to women and one results in the other or at least I thought it did. From all of what’s happened in my life there’s no rolling a new pair of dice. I feel trapped by circumstance and unable to avoid the narrow path set before me. I try my best but depression kicks my butt. I developed a form of social anxiety due to the excessive amount of hate in my life which is directed at me in a way I feel is an unfair result of people using me as the path of least resistance. Everyone has basic social and sexual needs none of which are being met in my life. My need for acceptance is growing but the opportunities to socially involve myself are just, gone.
What happened? When did I start doing things wrong? An entire lifetime worth of meeting people and I’m the stranger!?! Why did that happen when I helped all of these people who I thought cared about me –I think that was my mistake- I think I wanted to believe that people cared, that someone cared about me but now I realize that’s not there. Being invisible I feel like my feelings cant be a part of reality. I keep up appearances in situations because I know people deep down just don’t care about me so i try to force myself into a reality I should be a part of.
That’s the problem though. Nothing I can do can make someone care. I know this so it seems like invisibility isn’t something to overcome and hell its why I joined this site because there’s no one to talk to.
What do you do at this point? Just curl up and die?
The story of my life isn't a great one. I served in the military and saw things I didn't want to, was divorced because another man had more money and now I live with my parents spending most of the money I receive on rent. 2/3’s of what I make go towards rent so I don’t have any money for anything else other than pervasive living expenses such as gas to attend a college to try and further my education.
While at this school of “higher” learning people treat me like dirt, like I belong underneath a shoe. people make snide and arrogant comments about my hair( hair I cant choose to grow any other way because of my ethnicity) and make convenient use of me to dismiss me after some satio resolve has been met. Even when I’m not doing anything, I’m doing something wrong because it doesn't feet certain specifications. Action or inaction is wrong. This is a type of forced invisibility where because you cant do anything right you have to sit in the corner in the company of other peoples shadow. I’m an adult who acts like one and does what I can yet I receive not adult like responses to my disposition.
Feeling invisible sucks and I treat people very kindly so I’m at a direct loss as to what can be done. I thought if I acted more kind, became more understanding and listened to other people I’d be labeled the nice guy and I was but I didn't know it made you invisible. To add to my misfortune I cant get a decent job(or job at all) because the divorce left me with an emptied bank account and excessive dept. Most employers do a background check jumping to conclusions because of my credit without me being able to explain. If you cant get the interview because of something negative in your background you cant explain. My work experience is desired but then there’s always that “something” wildling away at my opportunities.
Opportunities also come rare to me. From a job, to women and one results in the other or at least I thought it did. From all of what’s happened in my life there’s no rolling a new pair of dice. I feel trapped by circumstance and unable to avoid the narrow path set before me. I try my best but depression kicks my butt. I developed a form of social anxiety due to the excessive amount of hate in my life which is directed at me in a way I feel is an unfair result of people using me as the path of least resistance. Everyone has basic social and sexual needs none of which are being met in my life. My need for acceptance is growing but the opportunities to socially involve myself are just, gone.
What happened? When did I start doing things wrong? An entire lifetime worth of meeting people and I’m the stranger!?! Why did that happen when I helped all of these people who I thought cared about me –I think that was my mistake- I think I wanted to believe that people cared, that someone cared about me but now I realize that’s not there. Being invisible I feel like my feelings cant be a part of reality. I keep up appearances in situations because I know people deep down just don’t care about me so i try to force myself into a reality I should be a part of.
That’s the problem though. Nothing I can do can make someone care. I know this so it seems like invisibility isn’t something to overcome and hell its why I joined this site because there’s no one to talk to.
What do you do at this point? Just curl up and die?
