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Old 03-06-2013

The reason why I ask is because erm I think I maybe one but not in a scary sort of way.

I used to see this girl at my last job, thought she was beautiful. Unfortunately she wasn't on my team but I used to see quite regurlar without saying hi. Closest thing we had of communication was a smile we exchanged and I missed a big chance when she was sat near me in our chill out room.

When i went part time, she went part time but again hardly spoke to her. I've noticed her on fb and we, surprisingly, we have a mutual friend.

I was tempted to add her but decided against it...however, sound weird, but she came up in my dreams last night that she was messaging me on FB and we were chatting. Although dreams are probably not best way as proof to start a conversation

I'm tempted to add her but send a message but I don't know what to say because I don't work there anymore. It might come across creepy!

Secondly, it made me think how I like girls when I see them and want to engage in a conversation but because I can't due to SA, I tend to come across them on FB and just admire them online because I can't initiate anything in person.

In the past, I tried adding someone who I didn't speak too at all but our families knew each other......She then disappeared from FB lol so I scared her off.

Thoughts on my dilemma and just in general views of your social media dealings, if similiar to mine.
SilentAndShy is offline  
Old 03-06-2013

Might as well add her. What have you got to lose?
Silatuyok is offline  
Old 03-06-2013
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Dude, nearly everyone "stalks" people on Facebook or other social media sites. I can't tell you how many extroverts I've come across who jokingly talk about all the people they "Facebook stalk."

I say add her. If she doesn't respond, it's not the end of the world and you'll probably meet others later on.
this_portrait is offline  
Old 03-06-2013

I'd rather send her a message, giving myself an excuse to chat to her by enquiring about my team leader etc and then add her? If I add her randomly, she might either not accept it or worse off block me.

Writing that though, who cares? I doubt I'll bump into her at work because I don't work there and can't see me seeing her in town etc either.
SilentAndShy is offline  
Old 03-06-2013

You know the funny thing is I have yahoo IM and there were women that wanted me to add them as a friend whom I didn't know. But it's very dangerous from my experience to add people as friends to people you have met in person. I have been on online dating sites where women were con artists who were trying to manipulate my feelings for them so I would be weak at the knees and give them money. I think in your case you came out looking smart for not adding her, because people are con artists and they lie about whatever they can to get at your money. Immediately ignore anyone and block anyone the minute they ask for money. I bet if she left FB then it probably met she really was a stalker. In fact the 2 women that tried to con me out of money from dating sites, their profiles are now gone. It tells you to be very careful when it comes to online people.
kotulakj2 is offline  
Old 03-07-2013

I feel I'll need to preface adding her by sending her a message with the excuse of wanting hunt down my former team leader.

Need help with wording a message, help appreciated!
SilentAndShy is offline  
Old 03-08-2013

Bump please.
SilentAndShy is offline  
Old 10-10-2017

I'm not surprised I'm bumping this thread with my social media interactions.

Anyway, I'm 31 and I've been working with a female work colleague for a year and I like to think I get on well with her as she is 17 so our social interests, are naturally different. But we do have a laugh some times and we discuss things on issues on or outside work.

She mentioned how she used Instagram and at the start of the year I set up an account and thought it would be OK to add her. I didn't get a confirmation notice and realised she had turned down the request. I've never mentioned it as I didn't want to make her uncomfortable and I don't have the skill to laugh it off either with levity.

It disappointed me she felt rejected it as there was no malicious or any other ulterior motive but may be she was creeped out by it IDK. I just hope it hasn't given her some bad impression of me when it was always intended in a good nature and to elicit conversation about things we'd liked or shared etc
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Old 10-10-2017
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Elite User

no its not stalking. Theres nothing wrong with looking at someone's social media account and sending them a friend request. If someone claims that innocent behavior like that is someone "stalking" them then they're just full of themselves..maybe even delusional...because if an account its viewable to the public with no privacy settings then YES people are going to look at it....

EDIT: I just noticed you mentioned she is 17...thats a bit different since she's much younger than you..and in high school.
AtTheGates is offline  
Old 10-10-2017

Originally Posted by AtTheGates View Post
EDIT: I just noticed you mentioned she is 17...thats a bit different since she's much younger than you..and in high school.
Just to clarify, she's not in high school in this scenario even though she could be (she would be in college) if she wasn't a full time employed member of staff.
SilentAndShy is offline  
Old 10-28-2017

I'm probably thinking too much and yes it's odd but I notice these things ..

But I've noticed she's a tad more touchy feely with another colleague than me. I doubt she would illicit that interaction with me. To the extent that on a meeting, she sat next to me but made it clear by promixity of our chairs that she didn't want to. Like she was uncomfortable and the next day, ahead of another meeting, I was sat on a chair and there were four chairs next to me yet she skipped a chair and sat further away.

This comes to my insecurity of feeling like I'm not as popular as the next person and that they'd rather hang out, talk to with others because I may be boring or not as fun..
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Old 10-28-2017
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Not necessarily stalkers, just more prone to be daydreamers because anxiety hinders you from doing things you'd like to do, like going through the thought of adding her (and actually adding/messaging her) without immediate thoughts of failure and embarassment.

It's not unhealthy to do that for a while, but eventually you have to decide if you're gonna go for it, or stop going through her page.

As a side note, you're much more likely to get positive attention and feedback from her if you work on your insecurities. She wouldn't find it very attractive knowing you thought her lack of proximity at the meeting was because she didn't want to sit next to you, etc. The more assertive you are, confident and sure of yourself, the more likely it is for her to be interested in you because you'll also be showing interest in a way that's not 'needy', or rather, that it's okay if she likes you and it's okay if she doesn't.
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Old 10-29-2017
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Expert User

it's not nice being stalked in a bad way but other than that it's fine. I wouldn't call looking into people's profile stalking either.
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Old 10-30-2017
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Originally Posted by jinxed View Post
I wouldn't call looking into people's profile stalking either.
Well if it is "stalking", then everybody's doing it!
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