Another failure...

Ok, i thought my Sp wasn't so bad so thought I'd go enrol in Wuzoquan Shaolin martial arts, something I have always wanted to do. At home i was feeling brave and thought 'Yeh, this will be easy'. My fiance is going to do it so its not like i'll be on my own in a room full of strangers. So, we went along, talked to the instructor, I did that part pretty well, then he told us to sit in to watch his class before we decide to enrol.
We went in and guess what...I went cold with fear, even though there was only 9 people in the room. I felt so out of place, my panic rose a bit which hasn't happened in ages and I just felt like crying, though i didn't. I sat there, anxiously for 2 whole hours watching this class, fidgeting, feeling a little claustrophobic. I just wanted to run but knowing if I did i would look even more of an idiot. When the class was done I practially ran past the instructor, luckily my fiance had already told him about my SP. I havent felt that ridiculous in ages. Just when i thought i was doing pretty good.
Then again, when i got home and really thought about it, I congratulated myself at even going in the first place, I realised that even though sick with fear, I sat there for 2 whole hours in a room of strangers. Ok, so I wont be going back but I though that really did account for something. I guess I'm not quite as ready as i thought I was.
Oh, Well...next adventure...lol

very good of you to try that, good too see you are trying new things.
i think accepting the fear you have is an important part, if you reject the fear and become afraid of it you only make it worse.
i can kind of imagine your situation. i have been to a honkbal club some time ago to subscribe and there were crowds standing and i felt out of place and had the feeling people were judging me for being so.
anyway mabey this step is too much for you and you need to start with something less aniety producing. you are the best person to judge about this.

good luck

good job. That's like a major accomplishment that you got through that, that you didn't run out (even though you wanted to). It might not seem like much but just getting though that will increase your tolerance for being around people.
I always tell myself in situations like that one that my anxiety level can only go so high before it comes down. That helps me.
Have you ever thought about meditation (focusing on your breathing). This is another coping technique that I find helpful.
You should look at this experience as a success b/c you got through it. It doesn't matter how your anxiety got. You got through it.

Thankyou both for the positive replies. I am looking at the whole experience as a step forward now. I think I tried running before I could even walk that time...lol. Ohh well, we have to keep pushing dont we or we would just lock ourselves in our rooms and never come out...as i did in my teens.
Its nice being able to tell people of my experiences and get some good feedback.
As for meditation, yes I have tried that but i sorta lack the motivation to keep it up. I get bored very quickly and cant sit still for long. I have breathing exercises i do but thats more to do with my asthma than my SP. I suppose next time i get anxious it might help to do those exercises. It might help, you never know.
Anyways, thanks again, it might not seem much for you to write a reply but believe me you help a lot

Haha. That reminds me of when I did Judo (or something along those lines) in P.E. back in highschool. We were supposed to get really physical and I just couldn't handle it. I didn't want to throw people on the ground, I didn't want to handle them fullstop. Then when the class finished the instructor said I would have been pretty good at it if I would get over touching people. I had to laugh!

lmao, guess you didnt last long in Judo then.
I dont mind man handling people, so long as i dont have to speak to them...lol.