Would love to hear some success stories!!

I have not been formally diagnosed with SA. But I'm pretty sure I have it. I had always just thought I was a freak, a liar, prone to laziness and making excuses, until I accidentally came across a book about SA. i read all 250 pages of it in one day and related to 75% of its contents. I felt an enormous weight off my shoulders...

Anyways....my worst SA days was back in highschool- I would spend hours debating how I would go about buying something from the supermarket. At some point it dawned on me that I didn't want to live life in fear and I chose to put myself in situations that scare and embarass the shit out of me. I worked as a waitress during uni so that it meant I had to talk to people. it took me 2 years but I forced myself to go for job interviews to get into a good grad program at a good company. I forced myself to take up a job supervising 30 people. And yet... recently, I had a complete melt down and hid in the back room when a collegue came knocking on the front door of my home to pay a surprise visit. I freaked out when my boyfriend of 5 years told me he had a friend coming over for lunch.

I've always wanted to be a certain way... socialable, fun, outgoing, personable... but I know I wasn't ever naturally that way. I didn't know anything about SA then...but I wasn't the type to settle for what is..I'm alway determined to change it to whatever I want it to be. So I think I had/ have SA and spent a lot of years fighting very hard against it.
I'd like to think I'm sucessful and i want to be sucessful. But I do have days whether i question myself and think.. am i just kidding myself???I turn red from being asked a question at meetings- who the hell would want to promote me??

I'd liked to hear stories of how people have dealt / are dealing with SA to achieve a "normal" successful career/life.( because I refuse to believe that SA will rule my life).

I also feel I have SA, from the symptoms listed on this forum, I've gotton over some but most persist (didn't see laziness and making excuses on the list though).

I hated turning red in meetings. At some point I got over it (24 or so). But I found that if I let my guard down and someone said something that took me to some surprise place, I'd lose it, blush a little, catch it, and I'm pretty sure they didn't notice. End: always be aware of the moment. I know this is hard to do. I practice it all the time. And I still fuck it up.

Hey Luna_LL,

thanks for your post

I think the feeling of laziness came from spending a lot of time debating how to do something to prevent axiety/ embarasssment- instead of just getting on with it and doing it ( which I thought everyone else- "normal" people- would do).

The making excuses... well I used to make excuses to get out of speaking infront of the class...to avoid making phone calls because it would mean I'd have to talk to someone I didn't know and I didn't know what they would say and what I'd say...

I noticed you said "when I let my guard down"...do you find keeping the guard up really tiring sometimes? I know I do...I also find if I try too hard to keep my guard up I get too anxious...if i don't have it up enough- I get embarassed and then get anxious...most of the time I just try not to think out it too much at all- but doesn't always work

ill tell you in 4-5 months.

i got diagnosed with SA wen i was 17, i was really stupid and did a load of drugs in my early teens and it all culminated in to a massive break down I couldnt speak to family and all my friends bullied me then disowned me. i couldnt get on a bus or even walk down my own street!
Its three years on now and after a hell of a lot of counciling and im working as a junior hairdresser and going to college to do that as well, im still not right and ive got a long way to go but ive got a good therapist one or two good friends and im a lot better than i was! (phew)

Before I turned like 10 I was always really loud, obnoxious and a lot of people found me annoying, and I guess because of that I grew shyer and shyer until by like Jr. High I had full blown social anxiety. Throughout Jr. High and highschool it just seemed to get worse and worse. It wasn't until around grade 11 that I was fed up with the SA and decided to do something about it. Problem is I didn't know how, so I ended up going into a state of depression until I graduated.

Okay, now for the success story

I moved about two hours away from my home in Calgary to go to College in Lethbridge. At first it was horrible! I felt like I wouldn't make any friends at all! I was even scared to talk to my room mate! So I looked seriously into ways to improve myself. I started reading Buddhist books, and started CBT. And I'm happy to say that I can now comfortably have dinner with like one or two other people and even participate in the conversation AND start conversations. Still have a lot of trouble with big groups of people but that'll hopefully come in time

Letting the guard down means not being in the moment ; ie: you are lost somewhere that is not in the present.

Like 'freestylemonster' I love Buddhism. It helps you to understand the present and that that's where most of your focus should be.

Of course it doesn't erase the past pain. If you spent critical years, ie: 11 - 18 isolated you may not ever be able to 'shoot the shit', and you have to somehow accept that (I'm working on it). And I just want to say that it is shit and you probably don't want it anyway. Still, you may fee left out ...

Oh, and I'd prefer that my state of being when I've let the guard down is the 'normal' state, but 'alas' it is not. OK, so I'm still working on this too, VERY confusing ...