would girls really never give us a chance?

no1

Banned
I'm asking an honest question. If a guy has had, or has SA, would you now think he is any less of a man, deserving of death?
 

Ventrilotwo

Well-known member
people, girls more-so, will lie to you to make you feel better. The fact is we're both worthless and i'm not depressed or overreacting, it's true. It's evolutionary for a girl to want a strong man and you can't blame them. We're both weak and we're cowards. To hold the hope that you'll one day find a girl you love and accepts you is a delusion and... i wish i was still delusional.

But you won't take it from me so let a girl lie to you.
 

Agitprop

Active member
Talk about a gross oversimplification. There are plenty of girls, just like guys, that have these kinds of blemishes, whether physical or psychological. For every 'weak' guy out there who has been rejected, there is a girl who has, for one reason or another, faced the same kind of rejection and would accept him. As terribly difficult as it is to believe, there is hope. I never cease to be amazed that some people who you would expect to be as undesirable as one can be find a partner.
 
Deserving of death? You seriously think women want you dead because you're anxious? Maybe a few of the psychopaths do.
 

Broken-Soul

Member
no1 said:
I'm asking an honest question. If a guy has had, or has SA, would you now think he is any less of a man, deserving of death?

Im a guy so my opinion is probaly not what your looking for,but im gonna give it anyway lol :D Its blatantly obvious to anyone with half a brain cell... that having social anxiety affects our social skills,our communication skills and hence.. relationships arnt always easy.

Even more so... if its sever social anxiety and you start to throw depression into the mix aswell because they often go hand in hand.Then you get another heap load of issues which can make relationships seem so out of reach or impossible for guys AND girls.

I see alot of guys on here say how its okay for girls to come across shy because its cute ect And try and say its then not as hard for girls in relationships for the said reason.Everyones entitled to there own opinion but that really doesnt fly for me cos i think a relationship is hard for anyone when you find it hard to be secure about yourself male or female.

Anyway I dont think having SA makes anyone any less of a person...But the important thing is believeing that yourself.Ive been poorly for a long time now and over the years ive had the odd relationship,and in pretty much every single one ive been walked all over like a door matt,ive been cheated on,taken advantage of and all sorts.It would easy for me to just say all those girls took advantage of my nature and just used me.

But i think the truth is that im not perfect myself,and i think at times if i had a bit more of a backbone... and wasnt so insecure that i felt i had to always try and please the other person then maybe the relationships would of been better.Also i think because social anxiety can make you feel so lonley... wanting or needing a partner.. becomes like a crutch..You become needy and depend on them for your confidence and stuff and its really not healthy.I know this phrase gets thrown round so much but i really do think you need to love yaself or at least have some self belief about yourself and that drive to at least try and work on your problems to have a healthy relationship.

I do think there is a perfect someone out there for everyone tho :) anyway sorry for the totaly long rant people 8O And i agree with what Agitprop is saying.
 

weak

Well-known member
deserving of death? wow... just wow.. 8O

Anyway, I have social anxiety. Hasn't kept girls from wanting me... so I wouldn't invest much thought into what Ventrilotwo is saying.

Here's a thought... there are millions of woman in this world who have the exact same condition and feel the exact same way as you. These woman are terrified of the 'strong, confident men' Ventrilotwo speaks of. There are some really cute ones out there too. So why not just start off with someone on your own level that can relate to your problems?
 

krfoss

Active member
Weak,

I totally agree.

People are on a spectrum of introversion/ extroversion, and that spectrum is LONG. To assume that "all girls are the same" or all girls want this type or that type, is absolutely incorrect. You are on that spectrum at one point, so is someone else that could potentially like you. And sadly, since depression is almost always a part of social phobia, you feel bad because you talk yourself out of approaching a girl (or guy), so when you get rejected because you never faced the fear, you reinforce the phobia. What would happen if you tried? Whats the worst that could happen; rejection? If you dont, its going to happen anyway!

Finally, it sounds like a lot of guys (and girls) here are wearing their SA as a club foot and not a cramped muscle. If you stretch the muscle, it gets more functional.

Just my thoughts though.
 

Klaus

Well-known member
I'm married.

My wife likes introverted men, I used to take anti depressants (Paxil) and I used to be a normal person.
But she, like any woman in the world doesn't like to be married or dating a social anxiety sufferer.

We are not good with people.
She probably is cheating me, she used to respect me a lot, but now she doesn't.

I'm like a little girl for her. Scared and pathetic.
You guys don't need a woman now! Conquer social anxiety first.
Don't make my mistake.
 

no1

Banned
Agitprop said:
Talk about a gross oversimplification. There are plenty of girls, just like guys, that have these kinds of blemishes, whether physical or psychological. For every 'weak' guy out there who has been rejected, there is a girl who has, for one reason or another, faced the same kind of rejection and would accept him. As terribly difficult as it is to believe, there is hope. I never cease to be amazed that some people who you would expect to be as undesirable as one can be find a partner.

women are the first to reject you because you are like them. if they have the same "SA" as you, then you can be sure they believe a person just like them will only make them worse even though it doesn't have to be that way.

I don't think I have much faith in humanity. All that I see in the media is telling me that evil is liked and goodness is wrong. And it's overwhelming. The media hides the truth. Truth is never known.

How can I ever have faith in anything if the truth is always hidden? Or that all I see is telling me that shit is only getting worse?
 

no1

Banned
weak said:
deserving of death? wow... just wow.. 8O

Anyway, I have social anxiety. Hasn't kept girls from wanting me... so I wouldn't invest much thought into what Ventrilotwo is saying.

Here's a thought... there are millions of woman in this world who have the exact same condition and feel the exact same way as you. These woman are terrified of the 'strong, confident men' Ventrilotwo speaks of. There are some really cute ones out there too. So why not just start off with someone on your own level that can relate to your problems?

yeah cuz you know women are the choosers to natural selection, they only go for the best genes and of course bla bla bla you know blah!
 
If you stop treating women like their only use/point is to date you or give you sex or whatever, then you won't have to worry about being hated by them. They may never love you, but they're just as capable of being your friends as men are. In fact I think they're a bit easier to get along with because they're socialized to be more understanding/forgiving of weakness and cowardice.

It seems from all your posts, however, that your only interest is in sexual relationships. That may, ironically, prevent you from getting to the point where the woman would be interested in a sexual relationship.
 

Walk

Well-known member
It's a question I've thought many times before, obviously.

I think that maybe, just maybe, a woman can respect a guy who fights his demons and who strives to be the best he can be despite having unusally strong obstacles ahead of him. And this is in general, not just SA sufferers.

For example, if you're a guy with SA and you do a public speech or anything involving facing your SA fears, and your girlfriend sees doing it, she SHOULD be proud of you and see it as an inspiration to fight her own demons, and we all do have demons. Maybe 99% of us do at least.

It's like a chubby kid running a mile and finishing all out of breath coming in last place. Compare this kid to a more healthy kid running it half heartedly all because he doesn't have the motivation. Who would you respect more?

Obviously, I'm pretty girls who already have SA might respect it easier, but I don't think it's an excuse not to go for more social girls. Besides, at least according to Jungian psychology, extroverts are more into introverts as partners, ironically.
 

JonnyD

Well-known member
wow, so mant guys look to women likE some kind of alien specie or something!

women are human just like us, some are tall, some short, some fat , some slim, some outgoing, some shy, some are crazy, some are normal, some follow the genetic coding like animals and some don't, just like us men!

i have a friend that only seems to know two words about women, boobs and ass. and he never stop complaining about women.

strangely i never found a guy telling how women is evil that was not depressed / disappointed in his "love life".

if women is so terrible why don't we stop going after them? isn't it wrong to follow genetics that way?
 

no1

Banned
yeah Hoth I agree I know it looks that way and it may be that way, though I actually don't look at women as just sex giving animals. the fact is all I wish to have is a friend in fact.. I kind of hate the primitive instinct of sex which makes just about every interaction between women about 80 percent sexual (somethnig I read). I'm not sure if I can believe that, but at least.. the fact that there is even gender, and that the gender defines who you are, and your sexual orientation defines your gender and thus who you are.

If I could I would turn off my instinctual drive to interact with woman because I am a man who needs to feel "complete" without the opposite "half". I mean it's really petty but the only reason why I keep at it is because sometimes my sanity and even health depends on this union of duality.

life seems to depend on the correct behavior of these gender/sexual roles. society seems to thrive because off the correct behavior of each gender that is according to their gender roles. We aren't asexual. if we denied our sexuality and our gender something might go very wrong. well maybe we could even evolve into becoming asexual but then how else do we reproduce?

and it's sad that I seem to be a prisoner of such mortality.

and if I am then just a lower beta male..then I guess I have to live as a slave to those higher "alpha" males right? but even if we beta males don't get to reproduce then even the alpha males might become extinct if they become dependent on such beta males. frankly I don't even like to use the words alpha and beta males and I don't like the concept of "lower" and "higher" in terms of "better" or "worse".

edit: btw I jsut wanted to reply to shon's reply. btw I must sympathize with everyone for putting up with me... I know I know..

about male sensitivity: why does everyone think sensitivity is "unmanly?" So many misunderstandings come from a misinterpretation of gender roles and human roles in general. Sensitivity just means the capacity to sense. Excessive sensitivity might be excessive but just sensitivity in general is not so wrong! Who wouldn't want someone that can sense things that may be "hard" to sense yet it's life saving?
 

shon

Well-known member
Ventrilotwo said:
people, girls more-so, will lie to you to make you feel better. The fact is we're both worthless and i'm not depressed or overreacting, it's true. It's evolutionary for a girl to want a strong man and you can't blame them. We're both weak and we're cowards. To hold the hope that you'll one day find a girl you love and accepts you is a delusion and... i wish i was still delusional.

But you won't take it from me so let a girl lie to you.

Yep, a lot of women want strong men. But what does "strong" really mean? Is it a guy who acts confident and takes control in difficult situations? Even the "strong" men are weak in many areas. My husband is afraid of spiders so if there's one in the house, I kill it. :).

I think what women usually want is a guy who can be sensitive and romantic. Most of the "strong" men I've known just put up a front and hide who they really are. It doesn't make them any better. We all have some sort of weaknesses. Dealing with it takes courage.
 

shon

Well-known member
Klaus said:
I'm married.

My wife likes introverted men, I used to take anti depressants (Paxil) and I used to be a normal person.
But she, like any woman in the world doesn't like to be married or dating a social anxiety sufferer.

We are not good with people.
She probably is cheating me, she used to respect me a lot, but now she doesn't.

I'm like a little girl for her. Scared and pathetic.
You guys don't need a woman now! Conquer social anxiety first.
Don't make my mistake.

Your wife doesn't sound very understanding. She should love you for who you are....not who she wants you to be. :(
 
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