Hinterland
New member
Hi everyone,
I'm having a kinda unusual problem dealing with my massive shyness and blushing issues, and getting used to new family members in a familiar environment.
My story is complicated, I'm a guy in my 30s who has been overweight and shy his entire life. For years in my 20s, I took care of my mom who had numerous health problems. Finally she passed away from a heart attack 7 years ago. My dad passed away last Christmas from lung cancer. It's been a hard road these past seven years.
During that time, I had moved in with my dad and got a job in retail, which I really enjoyed. Also because of my massive shyness and morbid obesity, I have never had a girlfriend, although I have hung out with friends and had close platonic relationships. I know that being overweight shouldn't be a hinderance to a relationship, but to me, coupled with my shyness, I've always thought attempts by girls (or guys for that matter) to get close to me in that way were windups.
So anyway this brings me to my current situation. I held my job in retail for about four years and was very happy although it was not enough to support myself for my own place, but lost that job due to the failing economy. And after that my dad passed away. I moved in with a cousin for a short period when shortly afterwards, I moved in with my mom's sister's large family.
And, that's where I am today. The weird thing here is, I'm in the total twilight zone. Shortly after my mom passed away, my aunt adopted children, and the last time I visited my aunt was when she first adopted the children. One year I wanted to spend that first Christmas with them, and they told me basically no that they wanted that time to "bond with the children" and felt it better that I spend Christmas with my dad (parents were divorced). Thing is my dad worked Christmases and never celebrated it.
So fast forward, five years later, and I am living with my aunt and her large family. And, it is a mix of familiar people, her daughter and such and her two boys, and the adopted children. The adopted children are very nice and helpful, but the sad thing is because the last time I visited was when they first arrived and they were very young at the time, they don't remember me from that time period.
So, I'm in a very awkward stage of being familiar with family I grew up with and these new kids that look to my (aging) aunt as their mom. The family is very keen on making me feel included, but I have a whole host of emotions and abandonment issues from the past, which I've brought up. And, I feel like I've missed out entirely on a whole stage of my own family that I wasn't included in that was a key stage in these kids lives who are now teenagers or on the cusp of that.
So basically my question is, I'm trying to get to know the kids, but I feel like whenever I'm close to my aunt, I'm "encroaching" on their space as she is their mom, and they don't say this, but that's the feeling I'm getting. Then there's the awkward moments that we don't know each other and they have this whole host of memories I wasn't included in such as holidays.
And, then to make things worse, my social anxiety comes in, and everytime there is some kind of progress made where I feel comfortable, I will be all nervous and shy and blush or whatnot because that's my general reaction to new people. Which makes it double weird when it's my own family, but yet not.
I feel like I've time traveled or come out of a weird coma or something. So was just wondering if anybody can relate. And does anybody have any advice on overcoming the shyness and nervousness. I truly hate it, it like feeds on itself, it's like I feel shy, which makes me nervous and I get embarrassed, the cycle repeats.
Anyway that's it in a nutshell. Anybody else have social phobia and have to get to know new people in their own family and feel like a third wheel? It's just a weird situation.
Thanks for listening.
I'm having a kinda unusual problem dealing with my massive shyness and blushing issues, and getting used to new family members in a familiar environment.
My story is complicated, I'm a guy in my 30s who has been overweight and shy his entire life. For years in my 20s, I took care of my mom who had numerous health problems. Finally she passed away from a heart attack 7 years ago. My dad passed away last Christmas from lung cancer. It's been a hard road these past seven years.
During that time, I had moved in with my dad and got a job in retail, which I really enjoyed. Also because of my massive shyness and morbid obesity, I have never had a girlfriend, although I have hung out with friends and had close platonic relationships. I know that being overweight shouldn't be a hinderance to a relationship, but to me, coupled with my shyness, I've always thought attempts by girls (or guys for that matter) to get close to me in that way were windups.
So anyway this brings me to my current situation. I held my job in retail for about four years and was very happy although it was not enough to support myself for my own place, but lost that job due to the failing economy. And after that my dad passed away. I moved in with a cousin for a short period when shortly afterwards, I moved in with my mom's sister's large family.
And, that's where I am today. The weird thing here is, I'm in the total twilight zone. Shortly after my mom passed away, my aunt adopted children, and the last time I visited my aunt was when she first adopted the children. One year I wanted to spend that first Christmas with them, and they told me basically no that they wanted that time to "bond with the children" and felt it better that I spend Christmas with my dad (parents were divorced). Thing is my dad worked Christmases and never celebrated it.
So fast forward, five years later, and I am living with my aunt and her large family. And, it is a mix of familiar people, her daughter and such and her two boys, and the adopted children. The adopted children are very nice and helpful, but the sad thing is because the last time I visited was when they first arrived and they were very young at the time, they don't remember me from that time period.
So, I'm in a very awkward stage of being familiar with family I grew up with and these new kids that look to my (aging) aunt as their mom. The family is very keen on making me feel included, but I have a whole host of emotions and abandonment issues from the past, which I've brought up. And, I feel like I've missed out entirely on a whole stage of my own family that I wasn't included in that was a key stage in these kids lives who are now teenagers or on the cusp of that.
So basically my question is, I'm trying to get to know the kids, but I feel like whenever I'm close to my aunt, I'm "encroaching" on their space as she is their mom, and they don't say this, but that's the feeling I'm getting. Then there's the awkward moments that we don't know each other and they have this whole host of memories I wasn't included in such as holidays.
And, then to make things worse, my social anxiety comes in, and everytime there is some kind of progress made where I feel comfortable, I will be all nervous and shy and blush or whatnot because that's my general reaction to new people. Which makes it double weird when it's my own family, but yet not.
I feel like I've time traveled or come out of a weird coma or something. So was just wondering if anybody can relate. And does anybody have any advice on overcoming the shyness and nervousness. I truly hate it, it like feeds on itself, it's like I feel shy, which makes me nervous and I get embarrassed, the cycle repeats.
Anyway that's it in a nutshell. Anybody else have social phobia and have to get to know new people in their own family and feel like a third wheel? It's just a weird situation.
Thanks for listening.
