So I use to go out with my friends on the weekend, have a few drinks. This is what got me out of my shell and where I had my chance of not being afraid around girls. Well one day my mom get in one of her moods and told me "all your friends think your boring." Well this totally killed what little confidence I had around them and since then I haven't even spoken to them. Should I try to find a new group of friends or just try to be less boring around them which in my opinion, both will be damn near impossible.
"Your boring"
- Thread starter Skooter
- Start date
schnookie
Member
I'd go to your friends themselves and ask them if you bore them. It's none of your mom's business to tell you what your friends think of you. That's between you and your friends.
If they say you bore them, I would then ask them why. Do you think you can change the reasons for being boring? If no, /then/ I would go look for some new friends.
If they say you bore them, I would then ask them why. Do you think you can change the reasons for being boring? If no, /then/ I would go look for some new friends.
FreedomFighter
Well-known member
hi skooter , id say your mom just said that to get you to do more social things , talk to your friends about it .
Marie_knowsbestt
Well-known member
no dont ask ur friends if they think ur boring, because logically they wouldnt be ur friends inless they liked u would they? and they wouldnt of invited u out at all. how does ur mum know they think ur boring? does she speak to them on the phone? would they even say something like that to ur mum? no....u dont cuss ur mate to there mum do ya lol.
i think ur mums making it up, why, ull never know. but trust in the fact that what ur mum says is not gospel. and just forget about it, and go out with ur mates per normal. if my mum says anything resembling that i just tell her bollox.
my mum once said to me after a conversation 'no wounder u cant retain friends if thats ur attitude' it hurt. but then i thought...wait a minute, most of my friends ive known for years!! so thats obviously bollox...and i have a lot of em. i cant work out why she said that...she probs dont know why she said it. i think she was trying to play on my insecurites....and failed.
i think ur mums making it up, why, ull never know. but trust in the fact that what ur mum says is not gospel. and just forget about it, and go out with ur mates per normal. if my mum says anything resembling that i just tell her bollox.
my mum once said to me after a conversation 'no wounder u cant retain friends if thats ur attitude' it hurt. but then i thought...wait a minute, most of my friends ive known for years!! so thats obviously bollox...and i have a lot of em. i cant work out why she said that...she probs dont know why she said it. i think she was trying to play on my insecurites....and failed.
coriander1992
Well-known member
Your mum was just trying to get you where it hurts, and it worked.
You've got to try and ignore her, and just realise that she was saying it to get at you and that it isn't actually true.
You've got to try and ignore her, and just realise that she was saying it to get at you and that it isn't actually true.
yeah, she does say things to make me less shy. But it tends to have the opposite effect than what she would like. Sometimes I think it makes it worse. As far as my so called friends go. I could care less because after thinking of the times we use to hang out, I would usually have to be the driver for the night and I would always be bored with them. So yeah, technically the feeling would be mutual if they did think I was boring.
Saturnine
New member
My mom says things like that to me, too. I don't know if she's trying to help, but either way it just makes it worse. Try not to let it get to you, I know it's harder than it sounds, and I'm pretty bad at taking my advice half the time.
I think you should get in touch with your friends, and prove her wrong.
I think you should get in touch with your friends, and prove her wrong.
desperatehousewife
Well-known member
your mother must have been too annoyed, sometimes people say this kind of things when they are nerveous.How can she know that all your friends think that you are boring?
Firstly you must talk to your mother and explain her that she hurted you.
And ask yourself "am I REALLY BORİNG?"Answer this, think about "are you talk about always same things, nagatives sides of life and have not I got a hobby?
Firstly you must talk to your mother and explain her that she hurted you.
And ask yourself "am I REALLY BORİNG?"Answer this, think about "are you talk about always same things, nagatives sides of life and have not I got a hobby?
marinko
Member
Men learn how to relate to women first with their mothers. Almost all shy guys have bad experiences with their mothers. It's very difficult sometimes to realize that your own mother does not treat you well emotionally, but it's true. The hard part in standing up for yourself is in realizing that you are not wrong.
Shyness is about always thinking that you are "wrong" or "not good enough." You're questioning yourself all the time. "Am I boring?" etc, etc.
It doesn't matter if you're boring or not, wrong or not, good enough, or not. Because all those things are what other people think. You can not get over shyness, to feel better, by taking seriously what other people think...including, unfortunately, and ESPECIALLY, your own mother.
I should know. To this day, my own mother prefers to stay in denial about her own issues and her own lack of heart. She hides it inside herself because she is still hurting and she is unwilling to work on her own issues.
So, you can't try to get your mother to understand. She isn't interested, or she would not have made a comment like that. She can't help it. She has her own issues, which helped to create yours.
You have to help yourself, and let her do whatever she wants, without worrying about it. This is just my opinion, of course, but it is based on successfully overcoming shyness.
What will make you feel better? Waiting for your mother to understand and respect you, or loving her for not being able to help herself, so you can just move on, and live your life without questioning yourself all the time.
Follow what feels right. The other responses on this thread are just as good.
Shyness is about always thinking that you are "wrong" or "not good enough." You're questioning yourself all the time. "Am I boring?" etc, etc.
It doesn't matter if you're boring or not, wrong or not, good enough, or not. Because all those things are what other people think. You can not get over shyness, to feel better, by taking seriously what other people think...including, unfortunately, and ESPECIALLY, your own mother.
I should know. To this day, my own mother prefers to stay in denial about her own issues and her own lack of heart. She hides it inside herself because she is still hurting and she is unwilling to work on her own issues.
So, you can't try to get your mother to understand. She isn't interested, or she would not have made a comment like that. She can't help it. She has her own issues, which helped to create yours.
You have to help yourself, and let her do whatever she wants, without worrying about it. This is just my opinion, of course, but it is based on successfully overcoming shyness.
What will make you feel better? Waiting for your mother to understand and respect you, or loving her for not being able to help herself, so you can just move on, and live your life without questioning yourself all the time.
Follow what feels right. The other responses on this thread are just as good.
Marie_knowsbestt
Well-known member
i agree with the above comment that ur not going to overcome shyness by changing the opinions of others, for example u have a wicked night out and someone turns round to you and says wow u made it such a wicked night tonight!! is not going to make u become a socialite, free of all inabitions.
shyness is about not being comfortable about expressing yourself. or some people are naturally introverted and althugh seem shy, are not at all, they just naturally quite people, alot of holywood stars are quite introverted, like spiderman (dunno what his name is) apparantly hes an introvert, but u cant call him shy coz he puts himself out there, so it ent shyness.
what u gotta ask yourself is, are u quite because ur scared about what others wil think of you? or are introverted, and dont say alot because you have no comment to make?
what u gotta remember is, it dont matter how many people like or dislike you, your not gonna feel great inless you like you. everyone could hate you!! but if you like who you are u wont give a damm.
easier said than done. i go through patches where i think somethigs wrong with me etc, but when i think about it, i like who i am, and although i may say oh i dont like this about me....i wouldnt change who i am for the world, coz when it comes down to it, im a decent person, and ive never met someone else like me. so bollox.
have abit more love for yaself.
shyness is about not being comfortable about expressing yourself. or some people are naturally introverted and althugh seem shy, are not at all, they just naturally quite people, alot of holywood stars are quite introverted, like spiderman (dunno what his name is) apparantly hes an introvert, but u cant call him shy coz he puts himself out there, so it ent shyness.
what u gotta ask yourself is, are u quite because ur scared about what others wil think of you? or are introverted, and dont say alot because you have no comment to make?
what u gotta remember is, it dont matter how many people like or dislike you, your not gonna feel great inless you like you. everyone could hate you!! but if you like who you are u wont give a damm.
easier said than done. i go through patches where i think somethigs wrong with me etc, but when i think about it, i like who i am, and although i may say oh i dont like this about me....i wouldnt change who i am for the world, coz when it comes down to it, im a decent person, and ive never met someone else like me. so bollox.
have abit more love for yaself.
I believe my father is the main cause of my shyness. Until he died in 04 he would never let me do anything at all. So naturally I didn't get out much and socialize with people which made me a little shy when I did. I haven't always been to scared to go find a job or go to parties or what have you. Its just lately It has gotten worse. I'm scared to do just about anything alone. Mostly cause from 04 until now my mom has been giving me rude remarks constantly putting me down, even going as far as talking about me on the phone while I'm just in the next room listening to every word.
I find that the people who call shy people boring arnt interesting themselves, just because there more confident in certain situations dosnt mean they have more interesting talents or hobbies, most of them dont think deeply or abut anything unusual, just their own daily routine, which is boring, so there the boring ones really.
Marie_knowsbestt
Well-known member
to be honest, people who talk loads usualy dont really have alot to say. like when u get really chatty bubbly girls, they do my head in coz they chat pure tripe about bullshit. i think people who are genuinly confident havent got to keep blabbering on and on and on, but instead speak when they have something to say. its like some people sieze up when there nervous, others just keep talking. its a defense mechanism. ive got a habbit of doin question time when theres a arkward silence lol.
and i belive this to be true, even tho its just my opinion.
and i belive this to be true, even tho its just my opinion.