v8calais
New member
The need to be accepted is very important, The need to have something to contribute to the world is very important.
Social anxiety has led me to develop depression, because I really want to have lots of friends and know what to say, I get sad about the HAPPY events that have happened in my past because I feel I will never experience them again and they will remain a memory, past girlfriends who were perfect for me who I drove away.
Us with social anxiety have to be careful because we can easily be used, most of us are generous because this creates acceptance and avoids conflict.
We will override authorised rules and standards to adhere to our personal values of the fact humans deserve to be treated as such, as long as they have the same human emotions and values.
Fear of abuse, verbal or psychical, threats and blackmail can cause an overload and a situation where an avoidant responce occurs, some of us may even use blackmail or overly react when someone hurts us - we may go a bit far but we only want those to FEEEL what we do.
It is much easier to quicky solve rising conflict, even if it means sacrifice, we would rather break minor rules than be abused in our passive selves, being abused even in a minor way is an ISSUE TAKEN DEEPLY.
Influence is a form of indirect control and can come from bullying, abuse, blackmail, loss or fear of losing basic human needs, and even long term minor trauma because the mind adapts and learns, enough external trauma can tire somebody into submission.
They dont have the energy to cope so their mind leaves the situation, we sweat, our heart races, if we were trying to avoid making a scene we just have done the opposite!! we are sabotarging ourselves! why? because we have been taught that certain situations will bring emotional pain, and we exagerate small situations that cause our sensitive emotions to make us feel pain.
Remember, most people without SA cannot imagine what it feels like, they dont know what we go through so they deny it because when they see us freeze up they cannot relate and therefore cannot show compassion toward us and will think its different.
We need to slowly train our minds that situations aren't that bad and that everyone stuffs up.
Its a slow process and you may use medication, CBT or any other methods but its something we all need to do for our quality of life.
Remember most people in the world dont care what you are doing, don't be self centrered and think its all about you, this sounds harsh but its true! If you blush at the cashier because you drop a dollar you need to stop, Exercise!, no really, you may be scared to walk around the streets so just stay home and do star jumps for 20 mins a day, just do it! eat well, have breakfast, get up at the same time every day, dont say "yeh right" but do it!.
Remember people, this is our lives, we only get one, its not a test and we are losing time, I know I am!
We need to learn assertiveness and it can take up to 3 years - limit alcohol, you will wake up depressed, limit drugs, don't smoke pot, we want to get comfortable with ourselves in sober reality, buy some new clothes for yourself, even if they are from a salvation army store for $5 - Theres some good looking stuff there, dont be scared to go there, remember people you dont know don't really care about you! they are not judging you like you think, most wont remember seeing you at all.
Be great, show the world who you really are and what you can do.
Dont rush, you will end up in a loop, just start by exercising at home and making a normal patern for sleep, step outside and sit in the sun in your own privacy, make fists and repeat "noone will take my lifes dreams from me" or "I can do anything" - stand tall and breathe deep while saying/thinking this.
Slowly do a little bit more, if something happens which you feel is bad and ruins your day, watch a funny movie, remind yourself it wasnt that bad, if a future event is coming up remember you have gotten through more difficult situations before and the worst that could happen may not be as bad as you think, plan plan plan! write what you want to do now and read it everyday, start with small goals, really small and build up, once you get the confidence of accomplishing goals you wont stop - exercise, eat well, eat ceriel for breakfast, limit meat but dont stop unless you are so inclined - fruit and vagetables, yes this means you! same time everyday, get a schedule - treat yourself if you do X or this much of X then you get Y.
Smoking makes you fatiguedddd, I know! If you are using a substance you want to quit then repeat to yourself JUST FOR TODAY I wont have a smoke, or JUST FOR THIS HOUR I wont have a smoke, of if you are REALLY bad JUST FOR THE MINUTE I wont have a smoke! exercise, you wont feel like a smoke, or as many.
Start today, do something small - really small, something you wouldn't normally do, buy something a bit healthier just do something to break the loop.
Show the world who you really are.
Oh and make friends with other SA people, Most of us will treat other people better than ourselves so make commitments and dates with this person, call them and chat, let them have their quiet days. be honest, be honest!!!! you need at least 1 person you can be completely honest to.
Take Care,
Mike Edwards
1:35am saturday 19-12-08
Social anxiety has led me to develop depression, because I really want to have lots of friends and know what to say, I get sad about the HAPPY events that have happened in my past because I feel I will never experience them again and they will remain a memory, past girlfriends who were perfect for me who I drove away.
Us with social anxiety have to be careful because we can easily be used, most of us are generous because this creates acceptance and avoids conflict.
We will override authorised rules and standards to adhere to our personal values of the fact humans deserve to be treated as such, as long as they have the same human emotions and values.
Fear of abuse, verbal or psychical, threats and blackmail can cause an overload and a situation where an avoidant responce occurs, some of us may even use blackmail or overly react when someone hurts us - we may go a bit far but we only want those to FEEEL what we do.
It is much easier to quicky solve rising conflict, even if it means sacrifice, we would rather break minor rules than be abused in our passive selves, being abused even in a minor way is an ISSUE TAKEN DEEPLY.
Influence is a form of indirect control and can come from bullying, abuse, blackmail, loss or fear of losing basic human needs, and even long term minor trauma because the mind adapts and learns, enough external trauma can tire somebody into submission.
They dont have the energy to cope so their mind leaves the situation, we sweat, our heart races, if we were trying to avoid making a scene we just have done the opposite!! we are sabotarging ourselves! why? because we have been taught that certain situations will bring emotional pain, and we exagerate small situations that cause our sensitive emotions to make us feel pain.
Remember, most people without SA cannot imagine what it feels like, they dont know what we go through so they deny it because when they see us freeze up they cannot relate and therefore cannot show compassion toward us and will think its different.
We need to slowly train our minds that situations aren't that bad and that everyone stuffs up.
Its a slow process and you may use medication, CBT or any other methods but its something we all need to do for our quality of life.
Remember most people in the world dont care what you are doing, don't be self centrered and think its all about you, this sounds harsh but its true! If you blush at the cashier because you drop a dollar you need to stop, Exercise!, no really, you may be scared to walk around the streets so just stay home and do star jumps for 20 mins a day, just do it! eat well, have breakfast, get up at the same time every day, dont say "yeh right" but do it!.
Remember people, this is our lives, we only get one, its not a test and we are losing time, I know I am!
We need to learn assertiveness and it can take up to 3 years - limit alcohol, you will wake up depressed, limit drugs, don't smoke pot, we want to get comfortable with ourselves in sober reality, buy some new clothes for yourself, even if they are from a salvation army store for $5 - Theres some good looking stuff there, dont be scared to go there, remember people you dont know don't really care about you! they are not judging you like you think, most wont remember seeing you at all.
Be great, show the world who you really are and what you can do.
Dont rush, you will end up in a loop, just start by exercising at home and making a normal patern for sleep, step outside and sit in the sun in your own privacy, make fists and repeat "noone will take my lifes dreams from me" or "I can do anything" - stand tall and breathe deep while saying/thinking this.
Slowly do a little bit more, if something happens which you feel is bad and ruins your day, watch a funny movie, remind yourself it wasnt that bad, if a future event is coming up remember you have gotten through more difficult situations before and the worst that could happen may not be as bad as you think, plan plan plan! write what you want to do now and read it everyday, start with small goals, really small and build up, once you get the confidence of accomplishing goals you wont stop - exercise, eat well, eat ceriel for breakfast, limit meat but dont stop unless you are so inclined - fruit and vagetables, yes this means you! same time everyday, get a schedule - treat yourself if you do X or this much of X then you get Y.
Smoking makes you fatiguedddd, I know! If you are using a substance you want to quit then repeat to yourself JUST FOR TODAY I wont have a smoke, or JUST FOR THIS HOUR I wont have a smoke, of if you are REALLY bad JUST FOR THE MINUTE I wont have a smoke! exercise, you wont feel like a smoke, or as many.
Start today, do something small - really small, something you wouldn't normally do, buy something a bit healthier just do something to break the loop.
Show the world who you really are.
Oh and make friends with other SA people, Most of us will treat other people better than ourselves so make commitments and dates with this person, call them and chat, let them have their quiet days. be honest, be honest!!!! you need at least 1 person you can be completely honest to.
Take Care,
Mike Edwards
1:35am saturday 19-12-08