mike001
New member
When you think about it, worrying about what other people think is pretty useless and irrational. Back when we were cavemen, it was probably pretty useful because the only strangers you met were possibly hostile, so it made sense to try to determine if they were thinking of harming you. But now to a great extent we don't have to worry about physical harm from anyone. So why are we still worrying? Probably because we have a genetic disposition to do so. But I don't think we're genetically determined to do so. If we made a serious effort to convince ourselves, deep down, that what other people think doesn't matter, I think that would go a long way towards curing shyness.
What are your ultimate goals in life, anyway? Probably not to just exist for the pleasure of others. If you're like me, you just want to do things you enjoy (within the bounds of morality, of course). Everything else is merely a means to that end. So what if people think you're weird? They're not going to lynch you or anything. And there are billions of people on this earth. Not everyone will think you're weird, or weird in a bad way anyway. So you can always find people who think you're alright. If certain people have a problem with you, screw what they think. Don't let them convince you that you're so incompetent that you'll never make friends with anyone or find a romantic partner. While it is challenging for shy people, making friends isn't rocket science, and its much easier to find people with similar interests using the internet. And once you have a social life of some sort, potential romantic partners at least won't think you're so weird that you can't make friends with anyone.
I think shy people need to make a clear distinction between worrying about what other people think and considering what other people think. Worrying is when you care THAT the other person thinks X about you. Considering is when you care what thoughtful criticism the other person can offer you, that would actually further your goal of enjoying your life. The attitude we should have is "fine, you think I'm weird. Do you have anything useful to say?"
Its okay to be selfish. You don't exist to please other people. Of course, try to be interesting and funny - but remember that you're making that effort ultimately for your benefit, not theirs. [/i]
What are your ultimate goals in life, anyway? Probably not to just exist for the pleasure of others. If you're like me, you just want to do things you enjoy (within the bounds of morality, of course). Everything else is merely a means to that end. So what if people think you're weird? They're not going to lynch you or anything. And there are billions of people on this earth. Not everyone will think you're weird, or weird in a bad way anyway. So you can always find people who think you're alright. If certain people have a problem with you, screw what they think. Don't let them convince you that you're so incompetent that you'll never make friends with anyone or find a romantic partner. While it is challenging for shy people, making friends isn't rocket science, and its much easier to find people with similar interests using the internet. And once you have a social life of some sort, potential romantic partners at least won't think you're so weird that you can't make friends with anyone.
I think shy people need to make a clear distinction between worrying about what other people think and considering what other people think. Worrying is when you care THAT the other person thinks X about you. Considering is when you care what thoughtful criticism the other person can offer you, that would actually further your goal of enjoying your life. The attitude we should have is "fine, you think I'm weird. Do you have anything useful to say?"
Its okay to be selfish. You don't exist to please other people. Of course, try to be interesting and funny - but remember that you're making that effort ultimately for your benefit, not theirs. [/i]
