"women of low virtue"

So, one of the general characterisitvs of an Avpd-er is a propensity towards triangular relationships.

And, for me, propensity equals exclusivity.

Of course this all results in both me and the guy feeling used and abused, confused, weirded out and like sh*t. Well, sometimes the guy bypasses these feelings, but not me.

I NEED to STOP doing this. But, somehow, I never feel any attraction towards available men. But put a taken one in front of me and I have myself convinced I'm in love in a blink of an eye!

How can I fix this?!?!

NOTE - I don't mean to blame my low morals on AvPD, well, idk, maybe I do. I'm kinda scr**ed up right now and don't really even know how to communicate what I'm feeling.

redtear said: ↑

So, one of the general characterisitvs of an Avpd-er is a propensity towards triangular relationships.

And, for me, propensity equals exclusivity.

Of course this all results in both me and the guy feeling used and abused, confused, weirded out and like sh*t. Well, sometimes the guy bypasses these feelings, but not me.

I NEED to STOP doing this. But, somehow, I never feel any attraction towards available men. But put a taken one in front of me and I have myself convinced I'm in love in a blink of an eye!

How can I fix this?!?!

NOTE - I don't mean to blame my low morals on AvPD, well, idk, maybe I do. I'm kinda scr**ed up right now and don't really even know how to communicate what I'm feeling.

Screwed up is fine as long as you are aware of it. Welcome to the human race! I don't mind screwed up as long as people are honest and not too self-absorbed. Oh and they have to acknowledge my existence as well!

redtear said: ↑

So, one of the general characterisitvs of an Avpd-er is a propensity towards triangular relationships.

Where did you find this?

I have read about AvPD, but never heard this.

I also had attractions to triangular relationships in the past.

vexatiousmind said: ↑

Where did you find this?

I have read about AvPD, but never heard this.

I also had attractions to triangular relationships in the past.

I can't seem to find my original source, but after some digging I found this. Click on the relationships link on the left.

Avoidant Personality Disorder

Is it because you know it won't work out? Do you feel bad about the other women?

Pookah said: ↑

Is it because you know it won't work out? Do you feel bad about the other women?

My best guess is that it is because I do know it will not work out. But thats completely on a subconscious level. Consciously, I am hoping and praying it does work out. But, I also always know that it's not going to.

And I do feel bad for the woman. But, apparently not bad enough.

I think sometimes we pick the safe option the one in which we know where it will go so we won't risk anything.

Interestingly, I posted a thread on my "foggy brain" at same time as this thread. And in reading thru the link I posted above, I discovered an explanation for that.

very interesting

So you are seemingly not avoiding relationships, but actually you are by ensuring they are not viable. I'm not taken by the way.

redtear said: ↑

But, somehow, I never feel any attraction towards available men. But put a taken one in front of me and I have myself convinced I'm in love in a blink of an eye!

I always seem to pick the "taken" ones to, but at my age I suppose there's fewer "unspoken for's" available! After reading some of the posts about AvPD, I think I fall into that classification as well. It sucks!

speak for yourself. i really don't appreciate this rumor being spread around about AVPD females. i am not interested in cheating, being "the other woman," or throwing myself at a taken person just because it won't go anywhere, making them somehow "safe."

I don't act on it - just always seem attracted to men who are already spoken for.

I don't understand trying to take someone away from their relationship. Is it jealousy? Bitterness? Do you get off on the risk/danger? Either way it is messed up and you really should try to stop. Most men are not strong-willed and will cheat if they can get away with it. You make it easy. Why don't you care for available men? What do taken men have that you want? You think that just because they are currently with someone, they are some hot ticket?

People baffle me...

^i think you're missing the point

it isn't a goal to try to take someone away from another relationship

it's a way of avoiding getting into a relationship, because the other person is unavailable

This is a fun thread! 😀

Wading into the unknown swamp-lands of "relationships" .. here i go... 😮

redtear said: ↑

So, one of the general characterisitvs of an Avpd-er is a propensity towards triangular relationships

For me, its more a propensity towards no relationships (not even a line for me, but just a solitary lonely dot) (hehe)

redtear said: ↑

And, for me, propensity equals exclusivity

I am effectively, exclusive to "Ms Nobody"

redtear said: ↑

I NEED to STOP doing this. But, somehow, I never feel any attraction towards available men. But put a taken one in front of me and I have myself convinced I'm in love in a blink of an eye!
How can I fix this?!?!

Btw, did hoddesdon meant to say "I am taken by the way"?? hehe
(Hand up) I'm not available either! (yet i am not "taken", but by way of distance & a few other things, i am essentially "unavailable" or "taken" if you like!). So, very sorry but you cannot have me, nope, not at all, i'm completely, totally, comprehensively unavailable, sorry about that :😛:😀
......ummm ... does that "attract" you at all .. or is this unavailability limited just to married/partnerd men? (just trying to give you ideas)
Of course another possibility (or factor) is that you just like married men (as they know how to treat women, are desired by their woman, have home/money/car, etc, etc) (?)

redtear said: ↑

NOTE - I don't mean to blame my low morals on AvPD, well, idk, maybe I do. I'm kinda scr**ed up right now and don't really even know how to communicate what I'm feeling

I thnk your (apparent?) low morals is mainly AvPD imho, as you are trying to avoid pain & suffering, which is what all AvPD is about (but as your link pointed out, the past/presnt/futuer are all mixed in together, hence pain is past is "confused" with the exact same pain in the future)

I think that the title of this thread is a little misleading, and is causing some respondents to react defensively. I don't think that this particular characteristic of avoidant females (and perhaps some males as well) can really be described in this manner- "low virtue." It has more to do with feeling an attraction for someone that is unavailable- I myself have felt attracted to some men who are married/have girlfriends, but in my case I have never acted on it- in some cases they barely know I even exist. It's certainly not about being able (or thinking that you are able) to "steal" the man away from someone else.

I don´t have experience here, but I don´t think I would ever start affair with someone who is married or taken. It´s automatically a "no", it´s not done. Unless they lied about their status but then who should have known.

Btw as Dottie says.

It is quite insulting saying that people with avpd do that. I never done it, never will and never even saw the interest of doing this. who came up with that?

it makes perfect sense to me that people with AvPD or social anxiety would avoid relationships by becoming attracted to people that they can't have

for the other party to be in another relationship is only one example of this

think about how many post and/or threads there are on this forum where people demonstrate this phenomenon in different ways

crushes on fictitious characters
crushes on celebrities
crushes on people they meet on the internet
unable to approach members of the opposite sex
attracted to women they assume are too good for them
attracted to men they assume will mistreat them

all symptoms of the same thing

we're afraid of being hurt

so we create reasons to prevent that from happening