Wife of a phobic

[lenamarie]

Hi,
I am writing because I would like help or feedback from anyone who can offer advice. I'm sure there are other spouses or significant others here as well. This is a VERY difficult problem for all involved, not just the immediate sufferer.
My husband has had his 'phobic disorder', diagnosed, agoraphobic ,nearly three years ago. He does not leave the house, not even to go into the backyard.
I try to the best of my ability to understand and go with the flow. I have adjusted my life as much as I possibly can. I am wearing out because there seems to be no end in sight. It just never gets better. On rare occasion, he steps outside with me for a few minutes max and then back into the house. It is frustrating. I miss him. I miss going for walks, to the movies or dinner, shopping. Basically, I don't have a husband. I do everything by myself and of course all the necessary outside chores and errands.
Worse is, he says that he has no desire to get better, no desire to go "out'. He feels things are fine the way they are.
My feelings go from understanding and sympathy to utter despair. Believe me, this is a fight for me to not get depressed, or worse even, give up.
What have you other spouses done?

Thanks,
Lena

 

[sabbath92002]

Hi Lena,

My wife has stuck by me through all the years I've been trying to figure this out. But I've always wanted to get better and do the things I used to do. I don't really know what to say about someone who doesn't want to get better. ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy) has worked wonders for me. I can go out and interview for jobs by myself, I'm working in an office again, we're going out to concerts again, etc. But when I tell people here and at other support sites about ACT, I find that most of them don't really want to get better. They give me excuses like: I don't like to read, I'm looking for a pill to cure me, I don't mind my social anxiety, etc. This really freaks me out. SAD (social anxiety disorder) has screwed up my life in so many ways, I can't imagine not trying to get rid of it.

Maybe you can learn about ACT and then explain it to your husband. If he still just wants to stay at home and do nothing then maybe you just have to find some friends (for yourself) to do stuff with.

Good luck, welcome to SPW!

 

[haze]

i can relate to not wanting to be cured in a way. think the problem with that would be their attitude i drop things in school because they require effort even though i know if i put the effort in a would suceed. i give up learning things after i get frustrated or realise it will take far to long or i just give up before i start. this is all because of my attitude. its the same with my shyness i hate it but i dont hate it enough to actively stop it. i have been inside for a whole week now and it would be months if you discount school. I hate staying inside doing nothing and being bored but i can live with it enough to not want to get rid of it enough to do anything about it (if that makes sense).

which is why the i dont like to read i want a pill to cure me makes a lot of sense. they lack determination/motivation and get to frustrated that they just dont want to bother (enough) unless its allmost instant. i can relate to that. and they probably want to change their attitude so they would do something about that but their attitude stops them (oh the irony). i can relate to that aswell.