Thelema
Well-known member
Why can I feel so relaxed now but I'm a wreck under so many other circumstances? I was just laying in my bed drinking a Red Bull (I don't usually drink energy drinks this late but I felt like one anyway) eating cheese and crackers and watching a concert on PBS. I felt like a million bucks. I just checked to see if Hollyann left me a message and I noticed my heart rate increase ever so sligthly (maybe because of meditation I'm noticing sensations and thought patterns I've never noticed before) and I thought...what BS! There is no reason why I can't feel so relaxed all the time. A simple act of seeing if I have had a message sent to me shouldn't change a thing. The only time my heart rate has a reason to increase is during physical exercise.
I was just reading a book written by Edward Aston (Britain's Strongest Man and holder of other weightlifting titles many years ago) and he made a point to say that you shouldn't even think about the weightlifting competition before hand because that will lead to nervousness. Yes one of the strongest men in the world still got nervous. Another world record holder Maxick also talks about how worry is bad for you.
I just worked out really intensely with jump roping and dumbbell swings yesterday and I had to stop for a minute because I almost lost my lunch (a sure sign I was doing it right) I noticed my thoughts during this and its like a battle. During the start of the exercise and before fatigue sets in it feels good and you keep hearing the voice in your head telling you how good you are for doing this and how good you will look and feel for doing it. During the 90 seconds rest I have between sessions it goes from how good you are to how hard this is. Then in the middle where you are feeling tired and you are sweating and you start to lose coordination the voice in your head changes. It tells you that you don't need to do this. That you can do it less intensely and that now is a good time to rest. Your sides start to hurt and during the 90 seconds rest you gasp for air and feel like lying down for an hour or two. During the end the voice tells you nothing but how much it hurts and how you can just give up and that you don't need to push this hard. Then it starts telling you to never do this again. It starts reminding you how good it feels to be watching tv or listening to music. It turns from something that helps you to something that only holds you back. Its only good for the first couple minutes of the 30 minutes of exercise! Then all you do is fight against it. It only gets louder and louder and you start listening to it more and more until eventually these is always a breaking point. When you're finished you feel like you accomplished something and you feel tired but good but the voice is still there telling you to never do this again. It tells you to take it easy and give up on anything that would take so much effort.
I wonder why I'm afraid of people that I feel some how better than. I feel better than a fat person because I bust my ass for the body I have and he only sits around and lets his body get worse and worse. I feel like I'm smarter and better than them. How can I fear them? I have a grip that could crush someones hand so why am I afraid to shake hands with people? I can do everything physically better than them so why fear them? When I'm bowling and I'm on the all star team and I know that I'm one of if not the best bowler there how am I still afraid of people? I know I'm obviously better than them at the sport but I still fear them. Why do I fear poor people when I know so much about money? I have no job or bank account but I still would bet you that I have saved more than them. I know what money they get is quickly spent on crap and they will most likely forever be poor no matter how much money they have. Why fear them? I see kids my age doing drugs and getting pregnant knowing I would never be so stupid as to do those things but I still feel fear. I feel like I know so much more than them and I feel so smart picking at their flaws while glossing over mine. Why do I fear the fat poor bad bowler teenager? I'm better than you so why fear you? Why fear people better than me also?
Why is there is there internal friction of my will. If I want to be relaxed why can't I be at any moment? If my will is to work out at top intensity why is there a voice telling me to stop? If I know doing one thing will help me why do I instead do something else? I know in my heart that if one man can do it then I can do it so why am I not doing it? Everyobdy wants to be rich so why are people poor? Everyone wants love but why are people without it? Everybody wants to live a long happy life but why are people doing everything opposite to a long happy life?
I remember this from the Book Of The Law "Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains" and the quote by Lance Armstrong is similar "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?"
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?
I was just reading a book written by Edward Aston (Britain's Strongest Man and holder of other weightlifting titles many years ago) and he made a point to say that you shouldn't even think about the weightlifting competition before hand because that will lead to nervousness. Yes one of the strongest men in the world still got nervous. Another world record holder Maxick also talks about how worry is bad for you.
I just worked out really intensely with jump roping and dumbbell swings yesterday and I had to stop for a minute because I almost lost my lunch (a sure sign I was doing it right) I noticed my thoughts during this and its like a battle. During the start of the exercise and before fatigue sets in it feels good and you keep hearing the voice in your head telling you how good you are for doing this and how good you will look and feel for doing it. During the 90 seconds rest I have between sessions it goes from how good you are to how hard this is. Then in the middle where you are feeling tired and you are sweating and you start to lose coordination the voice in your head changes. It tells you that you don't need to do this. That you can do it less intensely and that now is a good time to rest. Your sides start to hurt and during the 90 seconds rest you gasp for air and feel like lying down for an hour or two. During the end the voice tells you nothing but how much it hurts and how you can just give up and that you don't need to push this hard. Then it starts telling you to never do this again. It starts reminding you how good it feels to be watching tv or listening to music. It turns from something that helps you to something that only holds you back. Its only good for the first couple minutes of the 30 minutes of exercise! Then all you do is fight against it. It only gets louder and louder and you start listening to it more and more until eventually these is always a breaking point. When you're finished you feel like you accomplished something and you feel tired but good but the voice is still there telling you to never do this again. It tells you to take it easy and give up on anything that would take so much effort.
I wonder why I'm afraid of people that I feel some how better than. I feel better than a fat person because I bust my ass for the body I have and he only sits around and lets his body get worse and worse. I feel like I'm smarter and better than them. How can I fear them? I have a grip that could crush someones hand so why am I afraid to shake hands with people? I can do everything physically better than them so why fear them? When I'm bowling and I'm on the all star team and I know that I'm one of if not the best bowler there how am I still afraid of people? I know I'm obviously better than them at the sport but I still fear them. Why do I fear poor people when I know so much about money? I have no job or bank account but I still would bet you that I have saved more than them. I know what money they get is quickly spent on crap and they will most likely forever be poor no matter how much money they have. Why fear them? I see kids my age doing drugs and getting pregnant knowing I would never be so stupid as to do those things but I still feel fear. I feel like I know so much more than them and I feel so smart picking at their flaws while glossing over mine. Why do I fear the fat poor bad bowler teenager? I'm better than you so why fear you? Why fear people better than me also?
Why is there is there internal friction of my will. If I want to be relaxed why can't I be at any moment? If my will is to work out at top intensity why is there a voice telling me to stop? If I know doing one thing will help me why do I instead do something else? I know in my heart that if one man can do it then I can do it so why am I not doing it? Everyobdy wants to be rich so why are people poor? Everyone wants love but why are people without it? Everybody wants to live a long happy life but why are people doing everything opposite to a long happy life?
I remember this from the Book Of The Law "Remember all ye that existence is pure joy; that all the sorrows are but as shadows; they pass & are done; but there is that which remains" and the quote by Lance Armstrong is similar "Pain is temporary. It may last a minute, or an hour, or a day, or a year but eventually it will subside and something else will take its place. If I quit, however, it lasts forever. That surrender, even the smallest act of giving up, stays with me. So when I feel like quitting, I ask myself, which would I rather live with?"
Whyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy?