why is everyone ahead of me in progress in Life

[lifesnotfair]

It seems that everyone i know has accomplished so much more than me, and these are people who are my age. They are married, have a life, have kids already, and i so much haven't had a kiss from a woman. I don't get it, is it that i have a red bullseye on my back that says that i am not someone who can have this?? seriously, i don't tknow why i am so behind other people my age.. Quite literally i see everyone that i have went to high school or even elementary school, they are so far ahead of me in life, that i feel that i have either wasted my life so far or i have no way of catching up. I feel like a failure so far, and i am only 25

 

[applesewer]

hi there....I'm 24 and have recently been feeling very similar things to you.....I've been finding myself feeling very envious of other people all the time and getting quite intimidated by other people's "apparent" better situations. But a few things have helped me....I'm not sure they'll be of use to anyone but I'll just say them and hope they help someone.....

firstly, after watchin a beautiful film called "little miss sunshine" I realised that it's not about being the best, it's about doing your best. you've gotta run your own race and be confident in the advances you make, without comparing it to others.

secondly, I've been trying to practice gratitude on a more regular basis....even though there are people seemingly doing better than me, there are also people doing worse...compared to the rest of the world, the lifestyle, possessions, freedoms and education etc I have are way better than most peoples....there are soo many places in the world where if I traveled to I'd easily be the most intelligent person in the village cause most of the world are uneducated.

and lastly, personally, I tried to answer the question...what do I need to do in my life so that I can die happily.....and I realised I had a load of unconscious checklists of things I felt I should achieve by certain ages to warrent having lived a good life....i.e. married by 35-40 ish....house by 40....written my masterpiece by 35 etc....but I realised that all of these things are pipe dreams....they're all out of my control....I can TRY to achieve them, but if I fail it doesn't matter, so long as I TRY. I also realised that most of these dreams are probably ultimately unfullfilling....just like when people say, "if only I had this or that....THEN i'd be happy" etc...but when you get it you realise it wasn't the THING that you needed....it was something inside you that needed to change....
and so I've realised the only thing worth living for, for me, is god....and the bible.....if I love god and my neighbours with all my heart as best I can, then I think I can die with dignity....and with god I have a hope that will never let me down.

 

[JamesMorgan]

I will attempt to save you some time in thought, i too have had these thoughts as you have, very, very common.

Most people ask themselves constantly, "what am i doing with my life?", "what is the point of my life?", "what is the ultimate goal of my life?"

When you see things in perspective, you will get the bigger picture and most of the things you are concerned about now will fall away.

You can die at any moment. You have no idea when that time will come. On the day of your death, you'll still be thinking about what you are meant to be doing with the rest of your life, unaware that you are about to die. That is the reality at present.

Now, most of us are living a fantasy, many people's life story is quite simply this: they get married, have a family, they die, everyone cries. Not everyone but most people.

Where do you go when you die? Will you have to experience another life in confusion - that's sounds about as torturous as this miserable existence.

Life is basic deception, each one of us is experiencing a uniquely different world of similar suffering. Do not be fooled into thinking that anyone knows your world, no one has ever seen the earth as you have.

If you want some good advice, take it, with all your heart......

Seek the truth of your reality, for it is not how it seems. You are born alone, will suffer alone and will die alone. Only you can free yourself from the deception that you have been born into, a prison for your mind. May your curiousity outshine all your confusion!

James

 

[IceLad]

Hello lifesnotfair. I can certainly identify with your feelings.

Comparing yourself to others causes so much emotional pain, yet you can't help but do it. It feels as if life is a long distance race, and we're still at the starting line!

Similar to what's already been said, rather than look at where all the other runners are, you need to run your own race at your own pace. There are always going to be people better off than you, but equally still, there are always going to be people worse off. Life is about what you, the individual, makes of it, rather than making something of it then directly comparing this with what others have achieved!

 

[godzprincezz]

I feel your pain. I feel like my life is on stand still. I tried twice to go to school didnt pass not one class. I worked 4 retail jobs didnt last no more than 2 months on each. Retail is an assassin when you have SA. Emotional slaughter. I know thats was probably strong but thats what it felt like to me.

So i havent had much success in life. I just dont wanna fail again. I wanna make sure I am prepared and stable when i try to do things again.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

I'd say that you feel like a failure because your eyes don't work.
You have eyes but you don't really see.

...Ok, I know, there are people accomplishing things and getting things that you haven't got or may never have gotten.
But change how you see things.
Look beneath the surface.

For example, my sister sometimes says things to me or about me that are completely insulting. At my 29th birthday dinner this year, she spoke about a cousin of ours in Italy who everyone knows is supposed to be exactly like me when I was a small child. This is what she said about this little girl on my birthday: "That kid is cursed. Can you imagine what hell she will be like/have when she grows up?" (I didn't catch her exact words and don't know whether she said "be like" or "have", but the message was clear in the way her other words and in her manner or speaking. She also refused to repeat what she had said when I asked her to -so!...)

Now my point in telling you this story is that my sister is the exact opposite to me -she is married (to actually a lovely guy who is also good looking), has a high paying career, always has had loads and loads of friends, and dominates social situations (though I think a bit more than is ideal perhaps). So, here is someone who obviously didn't inherit the same "problem genes" that I share with my Italian cousin (among other members of my family on my mother's side -who, by the way, have obvious anxiety and/or relationship issues) and who has had quite a charmed life. And yet despite her good luck with genetics, she figures that it is perfectly acceptable to refer to me (and my set of genes) as "faulty" or "cursed" (and this is not the only time that she had done so).

What right do people who have been things given to them on a platter, have to see themselves as superior to those who obviously struggle and because of this obvious struggle could only have less luck in terms of what cards they were dealt.

And if you don't agree or have doubts along the lines of: Well, some people are just "good-for-nothings" or some people just don't work or even try and they deserve to suffer and not get anywhere ...well, I cannot find my self agreeing with this view point. You see, I figure that all people try their best and are doing their best according to what they know. Nobody is inferior.

It is just that people who have had it easy and have not struggled to get what they have gotten in life, suffer from the blindness that makes them believe that those who go without are lesser than them.
There is no such thing as a stupid person, except the one who believes that others are stupid.
There is no such thing as a lazy person, except one who looks at others and judges them as not trying.

People who think that others are the way they are because they are lesser are ignorant and know little to nothing of what life is actually about.

This is the message I want to pass to you. For you to open your eyes and see what is really happening here. -To free yourself from the ignorance that hides the reality of who people are.
Because if a person's worth is based on what they themselves have not earned, then that person is worth nothing.

And in this way, you are by no means inferior to others.

And if you don't believe me: Tell me how it is possible that I am wrong about this.....