why i'll never post here again!

[lurker]

Hi I’m Ned. I have been visiting this site now for over a year. I used to post as a guest until they stopped that. I have very severe social anxiety/multi phobic/etc. I am pretty much house bound and things like walking to the end of my driveway are daunting. I am much worse off than many of you. Things like getting a job or continuing my education are so far out of reach they are not realistic. I depend on drugs and therapy just to survive.
I think letting the guests post again is a great idea. One of the reasons I didn’t register is that I couldn’t bear having myself out there for ridicule. Why am I posting now then? Because I can’t remain silent any longer. I wanted to let you know that many of us don’t post because there are some people who think that their opinions are the only thing that matter. You talk about the trolls causing problems. I am willing to bet that many genuine people with much to offer have left because of the way some people seem to find fault with everything and have no reservations about voicing it. I have also noticed many that will post only simple one sentence, sarcastic remarks. Never a positive post. And you wonder why you can’t get along in this world. This is a SUPPORT forum. We need support . Not everyone will take your posts positively. A lot of us are devastated by any negative comments.///It’s one thing to disagree but it’s another to put others down because of a need to prove your superiority.

 

[Tim001]

Forums are a tough place. Even support forums like this. It's a result of trying to mix together so many different personalities and opinions. I think most of the posts here are well intentioned, but everyone takes things in a different way. I would encourage you to post if you can and I hope things get better.

 

[Toad]

Every forum you go to, there will always be more guests than members...thats just the way it is. Granted this forum is a little different since most of the people that visit are afraid of socializing, which in a way is what we do here.

Anonymity is a good thing and having guests able to post grants it, however this is the internet so we are anonymous anyways. If someone is truely afraid they will be criticized for saying something they can register two accounts if they feel it neccisary. There is nothing stopping this and nothing wrong with it.

When I read guest posts I can't help but always question whether they are genuine or just trying to start something. I feel that only allowing registered users to post keeps the board from being clutter with unnecessary shit...although there will always be a few people who would be honest. This is a community, and when you allow guests to post you lose the community feeling...if someone is in need of advise they will register...yes it might be hard, but registering can be seen as a small success in this battle.

 

[J]

Ned: Stick around. Dealing with the not-so-nice posts around here (by, for instance, trying to ignore them) is good practice for the world outside the front door. It can be hard, indeed. But worthwhile, IMHO.

Don't let a few trolls chase you away. These people don't even know Thing 1 about you, aside from SA, so their 'personal' comments are just childish guesses.

Easier said then done, I realize. But saying you're outta here only fuels the trolls further (see that other thread about this very topic! ). Good luck!

 

[ScaredGirl]

Innkeeper! That man is bothering me.

Hi Ned,

Don't go. Forums are wonderful places in that many people around the world can meet and discuss common interest. Unfortunately forums are also like public bars or pubs in that any drunken assh*le/lunatic can walk up to your table and disrupt your conversation. One major difference being that on the web there often is no doorman so we must handle them ourselves.

Trolls get bored and go away if they are not spoken to - it gives them no reason to be there.

Take care,

SG

 

[karinatwork]

Don't go Ned. I wrote my first post on here last night, after a panic attack and a really nice person helped me out so much. Things looks grey and awful today, and I know my life is going to be a living hell once I get back home, but at least I know that on here some people do understand and will be giving me hope.
Don't leave. You'll have someone to go through all this with you. Which is better and facing all of the fears alone.

 

[Yossarian]

ned, please dont go. if its me that has made you feel this way i am truly sorry. i KNOW im horribly caustic and sarcastic and you are right, it IS only to prove something to myself, or at least to make myself feel better. i am a meanminded person sometimes. its supposed to be my sense of humour but..yeah i know i can be a right c**t.

i am sorry if my posts make you feel bad. i am a jerk. i just dont have much in my life and somehow being flippant and sarcastic is ...my way of getting through. i suppose i am a very inneffectual person in real life so...on the board i have a big mouth and am full of crap. i dont really want to hurt anyone, i know that i felt ashamed when i read your post. i hope that you stay.

if its any consolation i hate myself more than anyone else on this forum..lol possibly more than anyone i know. please dont go.

i extend this apology to anybody on this forum that ive hurt.

Hey sweetness, I'm sure Ned wasn't referring to you. He said people who find fault in everything. At almost 900 posts you've done a hell of alot of supporting. More than probably anyone else on here. Don't fall into the SP mindset of focussing just on the negative. Don't knock yourself. Everyone on here always talks about how we're not perfect and we have to learn to accept that. Isn't the whole point about getting over SP, being able to put ourselves out there? Not just physically or intellectually but emotionally too. That's what you do babe. That's what I love about you.

Sure sometimes you, like myself say things in the wrong way. We speak honestly without thinking about how others might take it but that's the thing about mistakes, if we didn't make them we would be perfect. It would be pretty ironic on a site where we are trying to make progress that we should hold other people back. To bring them back down to planet fear just because we can't escape. As Ned said we have fears about being ridiculed. Putting yourself out there honestly, open to ridicule or opposition is progress.

I don't recall you ever being purely nasty. Ok you have been angry but you have always had a reason. You always explained why. Like Ned, why did he post? Because he was angry and challenged what he thought was wrong. So I'm sure he can understand that. He could hardly do that himself and then criticise it when other people do. It's perfectly human. Plus as Ned said, alot of us are very sensitive to criticism. We see personal attacks where there sometimes aren't any. We can't blame other people for our own paranoia or insecurity.

Of course being open and honest is no excuse for being downright nasty. I know personally I have walked a thin line sometimes and I do feel bad about that. If I have upset people then I too apologise. I just hope that people can see when I do that I'm expressing my feelings about something. Not just being angry or upset just to tear a person down. However I know that I should be more mindful of other peoples' feelings. Communication is a two way street after all. It takes one to speak and another to hear.

I do feel shame that on the very site that has helped me to gain some confidence I then sometimes abuse that confidence to the detriment of those that helped me achieve it. Though not much. I know within myself that I never posted purely out of spite, just to destroy. I have never wanted to scare people off posting or even away from the site. I would like to think that people could see that in alot of posts. At over 600 posts I like to think most have been positive and supportive. Well most have probably been silly nonsense but either way it doesn't justify nasty posts.

I guess in an ideal world people would speak up like Ned did, if we go too far. His post was a useful bit of criticism which is what everyone sometimes needs. I guess I was forgetting how hard it can be to speak up though. I've become comfy and stopped trying to look at it through other peoples' eyes. I stopped taking other peoples' feelings into account when I'm being critical. I had forgotten what it was like when I first came here and it took Ned to remind me. So again, sorry people and thank you Ned.

On a side issue, the point about criticism being useful is important. One of the reasons I have been gradually getting angry lately is that there is a sense that just disagreeing is bad. Not just the way you disagree but just the fact you disagree. To me this is unhealthy not to mention slightly fascist. It is a trend I find uncomfortable. I feel that a certain 'perspective' is taking over and anyone who doesn't conform is instantly labelled a negative or bad influence on the site. Maybe this feeling is unjustified though. I hope so. Because this site is about social phobia, not having a certain mind set.

 

[Yossarian]

Hi I’m Ned. I have been visiting this site now for over a year. I used to post as a guest until they stopped that. I have very severe social anxiety/multi phobic/etc. I am pretty much house bound and things like walking to the end of my driveway are daunting. I am much worse off than many of you. Things like getting a job or continuing my education are so far out of reach they are not realistic. I depend on drugs and therapy just to survive.
I think letting the guests post again is a great idea. One of the reasons I didn’t register is that I couldn’t bear having myself out there for ridicule. Why am I posting now then? Because I can’t remain silent any longer. I wanted to let you know that many of us don’t post because there are some people who think that their opinions are the only thing that matter. You talk about the trolls causing problems. I am willing to bet that many genuine people with much to offer have left because of the way some people seem to find fault with everything and have no reservations about voicing it. I have also noticed many that will post only simple one sentence, sarcastic remarks. Never a positive post. And you wonder why you can’t get along in this world. This is a SUPPORT forum. We need support . Not everyone will take your posts positively. A lot of us are devastated by any negative comments.///It’s one thing to disagree but it’s another to put others down because of a need to prove your superiority.

It's interesting to note Ned why this was your first post as a member. What was it to drive you past the fear? Was it comforting someone in distress? Was it welcoming a new member? Was it to give words of hope and inspiration? Was it because you received therapy? Was it because you have been inspired? No it was anger. Not just anger of course but in the end it was the anger that finally pushed you. That gave you strength.

You might want to think about this. You sound like you have it bad. As did I and still do to some degree. During the worst period of my life it was only anger that helped me. In a moment of anger I took control, faced my fears and seeked the help I needed. For me personally, words no matter how wise cannot change the deep fear I feel inside me. I have to replace the fear with another emotion, be it anger, joy, hope etc. Obviously anger isn't the most preferable emotion but sometimes the most powerful or immediate. Long term, there are better methods but the long term can take it's time to arrive. Time we don't always have.

Make of it what you will. Personally I think you should get more angry. Get angry and post. Do it enough times so you begin to feel comfortable here, so the fear becomes less and you no longer need to get worked up. Maybe it's all tosh but one thing I do know is that you never achieve anything by walking away. You can use whatever reason you want for not posting again but in the end it is you who will pay. The first step to achieving anything in life is accepting we are responsible for our actions. We in the end have the final say. It is the first step to empowerment, to take control of our 'destiny'. You took a step forward Ned, where you want to go is up to you and you alone. Do you want to step backwards? Or do you want to make further progress?

For what it's worth, I think you would be a welcome addition to the site.

 

[jerim]

hey .. i guess u are not the only one having this problem.. Me too.. i am jobless.. cant go further my studies cos i'm scared etc.I am scare of going out too..I am seeing a psycharist.. but hell .. its seems it will take ages to change one's mind...stay man.. We are here cos we need support.. and we will support each others..(beside the idiot who find us amusing".PLEASE STAY....... I am here with the same reason as you i think~

 

[Kalima]

Hey Ned ake Lurker,

Come on buddy! Come on back! I just read your post and it was last year but I couldn't help feeling bad that you don't want to come back. You're right, this forum is for people to support one another and not put others down. So if you experienced any negative things or people, please don't let that hold you back from other good advice and info from others here!!! Well, if you really really really don't want to come back, I hope you find another site to share your feelings with others! Good luck buddy!

 

[r0ck0ut04]

Theres always gonna be an @#$ hole or two even on a support forum, dont even pay any mind to it, just people putting others down to feel better about themself. Majority of people that post here are good human beings.

 

[girlshaped]

Hi I’m Ned. I have been visiting this site now for over a year. I used to post as a guest until they stopped that. I have very severe social anxiety/multi phobic/etc. I am pretty much house bound and things like walking to the end of my driveway are daunting. I am much worse off than many of you. Things like getting a job or continuing my education are so far out of reach they are not realistic. I depend on drugs and therapy just to survive.
I think letting the guests post again is a great idea. One of the reasons I didn’t register is that I couldn’t bear having myself out there for ridicule. Why am I posting now then? Because I can’t remain silent any longer. I wanted to let you know that many of us don’t post because there are some people who think that their opinions are the only thing that matter. You talk about the trolls causing problems. I am willing to bet that many genuine people with much to offer have left because of the way some people seem to find fault with everything and have no reservations about voicing it. I have also noticed many that will post only simple one sentence, sarcastic remarks. Never a positive post. And you wonder why you can’t get along in this world. This is a SUPPORT forum. We need support . Not everyone will take your posts positively. A lot of us are devastated by any negative comments.///It’s one thing to disagree but it’s another to put others down because of a need to prove your superiority.

Hi all, does anybody know if Ned has returned?

Hi Ned, unfortunately everyone on here is in the same boat as you, babe. We all need support for our obstacles we have been given in this life. It's a tough journey, I know, but eventually we'll all come out polished, shining better than anyone who hasnt lived with SA/SP.
I too missed out on my eductaion due to my SA/SP and I left school at the age of 13-14 and wasnt able to continue my eduction and as a result of this wasnt given any support or work from my school because they thought there was a possiblity I would return and easily catch up without any dificulty. Also at the time the school wouldnt give work for me to do at home unless I was pregnant 8O ...
I have suffered with SA/SP for 12 yrs now, and I have unfortunately not been able to go get a job for fear of going out alone. I'm mainly home bound too and at most times still find it hard to go down the bottom of my drive, but with a lot of help and support we'll all overcome this.
The best thing I have done so far is to seek further help and support.
For the past 6wks now I have been doign CBT and so far I think it's fantastic. I too couldnt see the light at the end of the tunnel when it came to education and work, but now I have the support I need and deserve, I am now optimistic about the future.
The best starting point in getting help is to want it, and clearly by your post ,you do.
We are all here to support you and each other, so please stick around.

Hugs and Very Best wishes to you and each and everyone of you

girlshaped
xxx