WhiskyZeroOne
New member
Ok, ok, this might be a bit random because I have a hard time dealing with people I don't know.
I think I'm agoraphobic, I have trouble going outside, I can go into my garden fine on my own or to my vehicle and I can drive fine but I can't go into town or work on my own, I have to have someone with me all the time and even then sometimes I freak out.
I've already got an acute schizophrenic-like psychotic disorder.
I can hear zombies stumbling around outside, I hear them moaning, I can sort of feel their need for flesh, but I've got an Ika Zuchi Middle Range Battle Weapon right here to keep them at bay.
I'm not dangerous at all, I just have voices that tell me to kill people, but I don't want to, and they put images in my head of me stabbing my friends and family to death and it makes me sad but at the same time I have an urge to make those images a reality.
Then I take some more medication.
I play airsoft, but I havn't gone in a while because of my anxiety, I'm going this wednesday, it's like paintball, I'm not very good at it.
My real name is Wolf because I changed it, I have six tattoos and a nose ring, I'm going to get more tattoos but probably no more piercings.
Piercings hurt. A lot. If it's done with a gun it's ok, but with a needle, in a sensitive place.
I swore, and cried.
Here's a random picture of me: http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/wolf_face_1.jpg
I'm super hyper right now so I'm typing faster than normal I hope I don't make any spelling mistakes everyone will think I'm a loser or some kid but I'm not I'm an ex-militia, bisexual, vegan, supply delivery specialist.
My job is ok, involves a lot of driving and staying at a base position, which is ok, I'm fine in my vehicle (Land Rover Defender 90) but then you have to go places you don't know, sometimes in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, or in really bad areas, and I can't face it, I get super ultra scared and I panic and freak out.
But it's ok, because my friend Rob is going to come with me full time now and I just stay in my vehicle while he does the exchange, and we share the pay, which I'm fine with.
I don't know if I really have agoraphobia or if it's something else, or if it's just mild, I'm already on a lot of medication but I guess I'll go on more if it'll help.
Pic-a-ture? http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/medic_wolf.jpg
When I first saught treatment for all the hullucinations, the voices, the strange things I couldn't stop doing, I didn't want to go on medication, but all they wanted to do was get me on meds as quick as possible, and eventually I took them.
I'm on 6mg of Risperidone as an anti-psychotic, 40mg of Citalopram as an anti-depressent, 200mg of Carbomazepine (spelling?) as a mood stabilizer and they've given me enough 1mg pills of Lorazepam for 2 a day but only when I need them to help with anxiety and they do help a lot but I can still freak out even when I've taken one.
Here's another random picture of me, in my winter gear: http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/wolf_for_social_sites.jpg
I don't know why I'm posting here, maybe someone will have good advice, maybe I'll read other peoples' posts more than posting myself and it'll help, maybe I'll post about specific problems I come across and how I fail. A lot.
I know there's people watching me, all the time, constantly, they put thoughts in my head and influence my decisions, I don't know if I'm some kind of experiment, if all the people around me are actors, or just not real, or if it's aliens watching me, but I know it's happening.
I think I've rambled enough, but there might not be anything useful, I never re-read what I've wrote ever so I hope it's not too long.
Hi!
I think I'm agoraphobic, I have trouble going outside, I can go into my garden fine on my own or to my vehicle and I can drive fine but I can't go into town or work on my own, I have to have someone with me all the time and even then sometimes I freak out.
I've already got an acute schizophrenic-like psychotic disorder.
I can hear zombies stumbling around outside, I hear them moaning, I can sort of feel their need for flesh, but I've got an Ika Zuchi Middle Range Battle Weapon right here to keep them at bay.
I'm not dangerous at all, I just have voices that tell me to kill people, but I don't want to, and they put images in my head of me stabbing my friends and family to death and it makes me sad but at the same time I have an urge to make those images a reality.
Then I take some more medication.
I play airsoft, but I havn't gone in a while because of my anxiety, I'm going this wednesday, it's like paintball, I'm not very good at it.
My real name is Wolf because I changed it, I have six tattoos and a nose ring, I'm going to get more tattoos but probably no more piercings.
Piercings hurt. A lot. If it's done with a gun it's ok, but with a needle, in a sensitive place.
I swore, and cried.
Here's a random picture of me: http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/wolf_face_1.jpg
I'm super hyper right now so I'm typing faster than normal I hope I don't make any spelling mistakes everyone will think I'm a loser or some kid but I'm not I'm an ex-militia, bisexual, vegan, supply delivery specialist.
My job is ok, involves a lot of driving and staying at a base position, which is ok, I'm fine in my vehicle (Land Rover Defender 90) but then you have to go places you don't know, sometimes in the dark, in the middle of nowhere, or in really bad areas, and I can't face it, I get super ultra scared and I panic and freak out.
But it's ok, because my friend Rob is going to come with me full time now and I just stay in my vehicle while he does the exchange, and we share the pay, which I'm fine with.
I don't know if I really have agoraphobia or if it's something else, or if it's just mild, I'm already on a lot of medication but I guess I'll go on more if it'll help.
Pic-a-ture? http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/medic_wolf.jpg
When I first saught treatment for all the hullucinations, the voices, the strange things I couldn't stop doing, I didn't want to go on medication, but all they wanted to do was get me on meds as quick as possible, and eventually I took them.
I'm on 6mg of Risperidone as an anti-psychotic, 40mg of Citalopram as an anti-depressent, 200mg of Carbomazepine (spelling?) as a mood stabilizer and they've given me enough 1mg pills of Lorazepam for 2 a day but only when I need them to help with anxiety and they do help a lot but I can still freak out even when I've taken one.
Here's another random picture of me, in my winter gear: http://i46.photobucket.com/albums/f135/wolfspartan/wolf_for_social_sites.jpg
I don't know why I'm posting here, maybe someone will have good advice, maybe I'll read other peoples' posts more than posting myself and it'll help, maybe I'll post about specific problems I come across and how I fail. A lot.
I know there's people watching me, all the time, constantly, they put thoughts in my head and influence my decisions, I don't know if I'm some kind of experiment, if all the people around me are actors, or just not real, or if it's aliens watching me, but I know it's happening.
I think I've rambled enough, but there might not be anything useful, I never re-read what I've wrote ever so I hope it's not too long.
Hi!
