Who is responsible for your problem?

[HappySquidward]

I blame both my family and school. I feel like it's their responsibility to introduce you to the world. My family is a bit social strange, so I am too. Early grade school should be all about learning proper social skill and making friends, because without these skills all the education in world can't help you.

I'm not trying to blame everyone else for my problems, because I know it's my fault haven't overcome them.

 

[coyote]

90% of the people in this forum initially considered themselves responsible for their problems...but after a few lines in the same paragraph they mentioned possible involvement of their families, school or other things...why these double standards?

there is a difference between causality and responsibility

what people are saying is that although someone or something else CAUSED the problem, they are now RESPONSIBLE for themselves and for their own recovery, not the thing that caused it

it is unfortunate that many people cannot make this distinction

 

[CursedSoul]

there is a difference between causality and responsibility

what people are saying is that although someone or something else CAUSED the problem, they are now RESPONSIBLE for themselves and for their own recovery, not the thing that caused it

it is unfortunate that many people cannot make this distinction

You may be right but my question that I asked was what caused their problem not who is responsible to cure it now, a small child can't react any different to the harassment done at school or home, his mind will act up no matter how transparent he may think...its like they give what they get from them...I tried to act normal and be cool! But all the tension that I swallowed and never got out resulted in depression and mental unstablity further which caused problems..so who and what caused all these? Think again...

 

[MotherWolff]

MotherWolff thinks that our mental state just happened to develop from our environment rather than people in particular.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

Just myself.

 

[MotherWolff]

How can you blame yourself? Its not like you actually chose to be socially anxious.

 

[WeirdyMcGee]

I blame myself because there are multiple ways to handle situations in life.
I didn't have to take bullying to heart.
I didn't have to decide I look like a monster just because of a broken nose.
I didn't have to hate myself just because one boy didn't like me-- but I did; and that's on me.

I am socially anxious because of my own decisions. No one forced me to be this way.
I was dealt a few crappy hands but someone else in the same situation as me may have flourished due to their decisions.

It's okay to recognize oneself as the one at fault but dangerous to obsess over ones mistakes because mistakes are human and there's really no such thing as a 'wrong answer' or 'wrong decision' just a different path in life.

So, if I'm not responsible for my 'problem' or my actions-- who is?
Life, I suppose.

 

[user deleted]

I blame myself because there are multiple ways to handle situations in life.
I didn't have to take bullying to heart.
I didn't have to decide I look like a monster just because of a broken nose.
I didn't have to hate myself just because one boy didn't like me-- but I did; and that's on me.

I am socially anxious because of my own decisions. No one forced me to be this way.
I was dealt a few crappy hands but someone else in the same situation as me may have flourished due to their decisions.


So, if I'm not responsible for my 'problem' or my actions-- who is?
Life, I suppose.

I'm all for taking responsibility for our actions. Our lives, are in our hands. However.. it seems like you're giving yourself a hard time for things out of your control. You took bullying to heart... well... people shouldn't have been bullying you in the first place. That's on them not you!

I think it's healthy to escape victim mentality, but don't become a prisoner to your own harsh judgements on yourself.

You say that other people may have coped better with what you've been through, but there are also people who would have coped worse. We all react differently. Most importantly, I think no good can come of blame, even that directed at the self.

There are always multiple ways to deal with things, but sometimes we don't see every option, and, after all, to err is human. You've made mistakes.. point me to someone that hasn't. You've done the best you could have. You're alive. You're trying to move forward. That's all anyone can ask of you.

 

[Solitudes_Grace]

I chose every response in the poll. My flaws cannot be caused by only one source. My flaws are caused by a near infinite number of personal reactions and responses to a near infinite number of past experiences. The number of people, events, and institutions that have influenced me, for better or for worse, is practically countless. What I am trying to say is that it is impossible for me to pinpoint my problems to only one source or even to a few sources. For me, it is much more complicated than that.

 

[Nabu]

I act so weird since I am born.
Beside my father isn't really helpful. he blamed me for things of no importance.
If he is offended then he didn't speak to me. It worked, I always felt guilty.

 

[Honda]

Who cares who is responsible for what? The fact we always cling to the mindset that we are in trouble because of this or that is counter productive..

 

[cowboyup]

I am 100% responsible

 

[razzle dazzle rose]

what people are saying is that although someone or something else CAUSED the problem, they are now RESPONSIBLE for themselves and for their own recovery, not the thing that caused it

YES. This is what I was trying to say with my response. What happened twenty years ago still affects me, but I have forgiven those who hurt me, and have overcome those disorders; what I am left with now is the aftermath of all that, my social anxiety. My job now is to pick up the pieces and move on and live my life.

 

[MikeyC]

What happened twenty years ago still affects me, but I have forgiven those who hurt me

I haven't. I wish I could.

 

[CursedSoul]

So is there a final consequence to what we have been discussing about?

 

[Falkor]

90% of the people in this thread initially considered themselves responsible for their problems...but after a few lines in the same paragraph they mentioned possible involvement of their families, school or other things...why these double standards?

Because both parties are involved. You can't just tell one person for something more deep. It's not blaming, well in some cases it can, but social phobia must not be only because of birth,, I'm sure. Oh well, it could be, that we should blame the amygdala. (the brain part that produces fear?)

And, to your question, maybe it's hard to know exactly the roots of social phobia. I would love to see more development in studies of social phobia research.

 

[Gaucho]

maybe the genes, but other than that myself. it would be more than unfair to blame someone of my family. I'm lucky to have the family i have. but because of myself I'm going nowhere.

 

[psych]

I am a byproduct of a whole big tangled mess of situations, circumstances, & bad timing.... Too many players for one person to be blamed for it all.

 

[BlackPuma]

This story starts at the beginning of time, and stars just about everything in existence. ;3

Everything, good, neutral or bad, is caused by some prior activator. Some things set many other events in motion, others merely a few. I can point out many contributers, but their actions/influences were based on prior experiences and events too. I can get angry where due, resentful even, but I can't say they were "responsible" for it.

I can only blame myself for how I manage what I've been dealt. Existence is what it is, we can merely manipulate it to a certain degree, for the rest we need to learn how to live with it.

 

[brunz]

my dad then my mum,my dad was a drunk taking valium,my mum never saw what he did was wrong.i felt strong enough to ask my mum why she let dad get away with what he did and she almost made him out to be normal.he never hit me but i saw him nearly put in hospital my 3 older brothers,they turned out violent,i turned out to be a mouse,dark peaceful corners is where i live.