Anonymous
Well-known member
There seems to be three mental ways to get out of social phobia. Within a society either one cares about others or one doesn't, if one truly doesn't care about others then one will never have to deal with such a problem (social anxiety), so one way to get free from it is to not care about others at all, but most people do not like to be in that way, and that they do care about others and actually want to communicate with them in different ways, so there remains two other possible ways that enter my mind; the first is to deal with it in real life many times with full consciousness, self awareness, and mindfulness, until the brain learns to deal with it properly, the other comes from the fact that this anxiety does not exist alone, but exists in respect to others existence. When one lives in a society and cares (in anyway) about others within that society, it means that one enjoys (in one way or another) others physical existence on earth, for instance a king enjoys others existence for he takes pleasure in ruling over them, a teacher enjoys the presence of the students in class for she finds happiness in teaching them (&/or earning money through this job), and etc. One who has social phobia cares about others existence but (consciously or unconsciously) fears that they might not like something about him or might not be proud of him, offended by his own anxiety, he finds an awful feeling within, he comes to think that it is his own thoughts/weakness that is causing this anxiety, or it is others thoughts about him (actually his) that is causing it, it must be none, neurologicaly it is thought to be the backfiring of the amygdalas in the brain, and mentally it is the relation between the two, neither thoughts or feelings alone, and if you are to take control of this relation on your side you must expect others to enjoy you (i don't mean sexually or only sexually) but in everyway, you don't have to be someone special, that is not the point, but to expect others to enjoy you, your presence, your very existence, your guts, your lungs and/or etc. you should expect this with all your might from others, to enjoy you as the way you are, or something about you that you enjoy about yourself, some might fear to expect so from others, believing that it will bring self-pride & stop social growth, but this is only a fear it has no truth in real life, false pride is something different from social expectation, you must know your rights, it is your right to be enjoyed to be cared about with respect, to be treated as a real existing entity, it is your right to expect from others, you must expect them to enjoy, be comfortable and happy before or beside you. If you want to solve it, get out of the house, choose someone randomly, stare at him, keep on looking with full attention, then shout at him in your Mind, saying "LOOK AT ME, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME, YOU HAVE TO LOOK AT ME WITH FULL ATTENTION, LOOK AT ME, YOU HAVE TO ENJOY LOOKING AT ME, LOOK AND ENJOY, YOU HAVE TO ENJOY, NOW LOOK", no matter what he does or how nervous you get keep on looking and saying this to him in your mind, and with all your might expect him to look at you and enjoy looking at you, no matter who you are and how you are. You can ask him to look at anything related to you and to get happy and enjoy looking at it, like looking at your watch, or your subtle heart if you believe in one, "look & enjoy how red and beautiful it is" 
, and with all your will want him to really pay complete attention to you or what you are calling him to look at. You can also practice this in your imagination in front of one or a group of people, but best is to practice in public, Specially when someone is staring at you with no good reason.
"LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY AND ENJOY HEARING MY WORDS" and first really expect such a thing from the person you want to talk to, then talk.
Expecting others to enjoy you has nothing to do with being beautiful, handsome, smart, perfect, educated, rich or being a special person in anyway, actually for such people it might be a bit harder to get to that state of really expecting others to enjoy them or something about them, because sometimes they seem to have more fears, thinking that someone might not like them or might not believe that they are beautiful, smart or whatever it is.
Sorry for the language but even if you are a monkey, as long as you live with humans, you have the right to expect them to enjoy looking at you with full attention at every particle of your body & mind. Don't even fear that others might read your mind and know what is going on, first of all no one can do that, second if anyone can, by now that person has learned more than that to think stupid thoughts about others, and third he must also learn to enjoy your thoughts no matter how sick or perverted they might be.
(One comes in and says to the other oh my god you should be ashamed of yourself, you are watching porno, and he says why should I be ashamed why don't you get sexually excited instead, or why don't you be ashamed of yourself for walking in like that! I'm not saying you have to be like this, but social phobia has nothing to do with being shy, you can be shy or not it is up to you, but by changing what you expect from others you control your power in social relations)
After all you exist in this universe and you are aware of your existence, "You must enjoy me as an existing entity within this universe", even if you do not like my presence, I will not get mad because I don't need you, I expect from you, I call you to look, not beg you.
I don't know how much you care to think about God, but if you do think you will find that this in truth is a godly attribute a godly state of being, for god enjoys his existence and expects all others to enjoy it too [he calls men to worship him], he loves his creation and wants all others to love it too, [and to thank him for his creation, if they don't he doesn't care really, what has he done to those who haven't worshiped, they have lived the same lives of those who have]. Even men like Jesus have had such a belief system, not only did Jesus adore himself, and believed that God adored him, but he also called and expected everyone to love him and enjoy his presense while he was living on earth, though he never begged for it!
As another example take a look at those who love body building and really work on it, they are always proud-of-themselves people, and they usually never fall into social anxiety, this is not mainly because of physical strength or higher testosterone levels, it is because they love body building , they think everyone loves it too, they build their bodies, look in the mirror, find their new body the way they wanted it to be, upon enjoying it, they believe and expect everyone else to enjoy it, so they walk and talk in pride & self belief where ever they go. Get the point!
One last statement, not only to relief from social phobia but all anxieties is to learn to be happy from inside and to enjoy ones ownself, least ones very existence, call it the soul or what ever you please. A real way to attain this is to lock yourself and not get out until you learn to be Truly happy and enjoy being happy without any worries or thoughts and without the need for anything or for any reason, just because you want to be happy!
After all there's Free-Will and a great toy called 'The Mind', so enjoy it!
, and with all your will want him to really pay complete attention to you or what you are calling him to look at. You can also practice this in your imagination in front of one or a group of people, but best is to practice in public, Specially when someone is staring at you with no good reason."LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME CAREFULLY AND ENJOY HEARING MY WORDS" and first really expect such a thing from the person you want to talk to, then talk.
Expecting others to enjoy you has nothing to do with being beautiful, handsome, smart, perfect, educated, rich or being a special person in anyway, actually for such people it might be a bit harder to get to that state of really expecting others to enjoy them or something about them, because sometimes they seem to have more fears, thinking that someone might not like them or might not believe that they are beautiful, smart or whatever it is.
Sorry for the language but even if you are a monkey, as long as you live with humans, you have the right to expect them to enjoy looking at you with full attention at every particle of your body & mind. Don't even fear that others might read your mind and know what is going on, first of all no one can do that, second if anyone can, by now that person has learned more than that to think stupid thoughts about others, and third he must also learn to enjoy your thoughts no matter how sick or perverted they might be.
(One comes in and says to the other oh my god you should be ashamed of yourself, you are watching porno, and he says why should I be ashamed why don't you get sexually excited instead, or why don't you be ashamed of yourself for walking in like that! I'm not saying you have to be like this, but social phobia has nothing to do with being shy, you can be shy or not it is up to you, but by changing what you expect from others you control your power in social relations)
After all you exist in this universe and you are aware of your existence, "You must enjoy me as an existing entity within this universe", even if you do not like my presence, I will not get mad because I don't need you, I expect from you, I call you to look, not beg you.
I don't know how much you care to think about God, but if you do think you will find that this in truth is a godly attribute a godly state of being, for god enjoys his existence and expects all others to enjoy it too [he calls men to worship him], he loves his creation and wants all others to love it too, [and to thank him for his creation, if they don't he doesn't care really, what has he done to those who haven't worshiped, they have lived the same lives of those who have]. Even men like Jesus have had such a belief system, not only did Jesus adore himself, and believed that God adored him, but he also called and expected everyone to love him and enjoy his presense while he was living on earth, though he never begged for it!
As another example take a look at those who love body building and really work on it, they are always proud-of-themselves people, and they usually never fall into social anxiety, this is not mainly because of physical strength or higher testosterone levels, it is because they love body building , they think everyone loves it too, they build their bodies, look in the mirror, find their new body the way they wanted it to be, upon enjoying it, they believe and expect everyone else to enjoy it, so they walk and talk in pride & self belief where ever they go. Get the point!
One last statement, not only to relief from social phobia but all anxieties is to learn to be happy from inside and to enjoy ones ownself, least ones very existence, call it the soul or what ever you please. A real way to attain this is to lock yourself and not get out until you learn to be Truly happy and enjoy being happy without any worries or thoughts and without the need for anything or for any reason, just because you want to be happy!
After all there's Free-Will and a great toy called 'The Mind', so enjoy it!
