Where do I start..

[Victoria]

I'm sure it would'nt be wrong of me to assume that most of you share a lot of the same feelings I do most days. I just feel the need to share recently..

Stability makes me uncomfortable. I feel like I can't survive without change. I don't feel depressed. Mostly I just feel uncomfortable. I don't often enjoy the company of others, but when I do find someone I am comfortable with, I smother them. I worry all the time when I am with people I enjoy. Do they want me to leave? Do I call too much? Do I often overstay my welcome?

I can't seem to hold a job. I don't enjoy the face I have to wear at work. I don't enjoy making small talk with co-workers. Most of the time the people I work with don't like me. I ignore them all, and when I do talk I say awkward things, or I end up rambling.

I find the way people interact tiring. Most of the time I can't take people seriously. I can't take life seriously. I worry about things that, I am more than aware, don't make sense. And I tend not to worry about the things people tell me I should worry about, like ruining my credit, having money for rent, family problems..

I feel empty. I try so hard to make that feeling go away. Latey, its been cigarettes and sex. But nothing ever lasts. I get bored of everyone I meet, every job I have, every hobby I find and everything I can ever think to do. Constant change is the only thing that seems to comfort me.

All I want is to just feel okay. What can I do to help myself?

I don't know if it matters but i'm a 23 year old female.

 

[Tiptoe]

Hi Victoria

I can't really say "Welcome" as I am new here myself! But Hi anyway.

You seem to have alot going on in your mind at the moment - and very restless! Can you find some ways to relax a little and then get your thoughts together? Perhaps join a yoga or meditation class? It is very difficult to still your mind at first, but once you have done the hard work to learn, you never forget the technique and you may find it is the most useful tool you have for many situations; it can also help you to identify what you are really searching for. It is sometimes easier to have a teacher for deep relaxation techniques (yoga/meditation) to guide you with this, or you can download MP3s from the internet; try googling "yoga nidra".


As for that "empty" feeling, I think everyone goes through that stage in life where they feel unfulfilled or on the wrong path. Hopefully this feeling will pass when you start to identify where you want to be and what you want to do with your life. Sometimes you just have to be patient and take small steps in the direction that feels right.

Apart from that I don't have any other advice for you - hopefully others do. I am really new to finding information about SA, although I do suffer many of the symptoms.

Take care and be kind to yourself. Keep sharing those feelings, it is good to verbalise them and you're right that many of us can relate to them.
TT