When do we know we need more help?

[xtina_fan81]

I feel kind of stuck and like I just dunno what to do. I think I have kid of developed depression because of my SA, but because I don’t talk to anyone about it really, I cant be sure of anything or whats really going on.
In the last few months Ive been really down, always on and off. I can have days where Im fine and as content as the next person. But in the last couple of months I first had like one day a week where I would just cry and cry and thought of everything negatively, then that day was once every two weeks, then every 3 weeks, and that really abd day or couple of days now doesn’t happen as much, so Ive improved a bit, but I want to know when the times gonna come where I don’t have that day at all, because sometimes on good days I find myself worrying about whast coming and being slightly anxious about how long its gonna last being happy cuz I know its only a matter of time before I feel depressed again. I mean does that mean Im happy or its just that im having a better day? I actually find it hard to pinpoint what ‘happiness’ is and its meaning. And do I only get so down because im expecting to?
I just want to know, at what point do we need real help instead of just trying to stay positive. If two people are in exactly the same position, does that mean they need help at the same time or can it be different for each individual and one needs spmething like counseling but the other can get through it without it? I have struggled so much with trying to be optimistic, I think ive got a bit better at it but its still hard. I don’t know if ive done all I can do and now I need something more like therapy, or if I simply need to try more new things that might help. When I think about it I guess I could be doing more and making more of an effort, but to what point do we try things and realize it might not work out as easily as we thought?
Or maybe Im thinking about everything tooooo much. lol.

 

[LittleMissMuffet]

Hi xtina,

I like your question, because I think that it is important.

Only this year have I sought therapy for an ongoing problem with anxiety.
This was because my anxiety had become bad enough to effect my job and simply being around others. The year before that, I also had trouble at work and in fact lost the job; I sought help, but did not end-up keeping any appointments with the psychiatrist.

Now, for what I want to tell you....
since I've been seeing a psychiatrist and had the label 'social anxiety' put on me, I've gone through different feelings.
They tell you that not a lot of people with SA ever seek help -as if this is necessarily always a tragedy.
I think that sometimes people are wise not to 'get help'.

If you think about it -social anxiety and also depression, are about feeling helpless and powerless; and indeed, any significant problem that makes a person an outsider involves feelings of shame and can effect a person's sense of independence and confidence.
Particularly, I think, with "Social Anxiety" ...since the 'illness' it self is all about low self esteem and a belief of inferiority to others -that one is 'a freak' etc.

Since I've gone to therapy, I've gone through all these doubts. Whether it was because my therapists (I saw 2) lacked skill, or simply what happens when anyone is confronted with facing that they have a problem.
My therapist correctly inferred that 'shame' was a feeling that I felt strongly.

When I was younger and coped better, and 'social anxiety' was more a peculiarity of my personality, in that I would be self-concious and a bit anxious ....my self-esteem was naturally better, and I used my own definition for my self.
Then on being diagnosed, this self-definition took second place to other peoples' definition of me -ie: social anxiety.
Since then, however, I have been feeling a bit better and now am confident enough to again define my self by my own terms first and foremost.

So, basically my advice to you is:
You have to answer your own question for your self.
You'll have to weigh-up how you are feeling to decide whether it is worth going on or whether things have gone too far, and now you need some assistance.
But, my opinion is that the most important thing is to never give-up one's independence ....just like I believe that defining oneself on one's own terms should override others' definitions and labels. It's important to feel independent as opposed to powerless. And particularly with a problem like 'social anxiety' -it is important to feel confident and not be dependent on others' approval and judgements.
...but, hey: you may feel independent enough and sure enough about your problem in relation to who you are, to be able to face labels and diagnoses etc
-but like I said: you'll have to make your decision on behalf of yourself. THis is all about you taking charge over your life: no 'cure' can be found from someone else (they only help you to find your own cure ...if they're good)

And one other thing: you can start with a councillor if you are mostly wanting help, but still a little tentative. Pick someone who makes you feel better. And who, preferably at this stage, avoids labelling you with any disgnosis.

That's from my own experience with it all so far.

 

[Jack-B]

You need to be able to look after yourself by keeping a happy mind, this is your training.

When you feel down, anxious or tired, you need to be patient with yourself.

This is what I feel Muffet is talking about when she mentions becoming independent, you become your own doctor, your own helper. You rely upon your happy mind and choose not to listen to negative thoughts . You become completely non-receptive to the negativity you experience and find refuge in your happy mind alone so that you become familiar with a more peaceful state, one you can trust and you know brings you happiness. This is more than just ignoring your negative states of mind, its more of an acceptance by not multiplying your depression making it more painful than what it is.

No one is ever really independent because we entirely depend on others for everything but we need a sense of taking care of ourself so that we can function appropriately in the world. And because we depend on others we can seek their help, advice and so forth so this is actually quite necessary for our well being. Do whatever you feel necessary to take care of yourself.

Jack