Whats the main thing.....

[bashfulgirl]

that keeps you from being comfortable with other people?
The main thing I feel would take away so much of my SA is if I could figure out how to joke around with people. I've been so frightened of everything and everyone since the day i was born that I never learned how to joke with people or had the confidence to try it. Even to this day I can have a decent serious conversation, but its almost stiflingly serious unless the other person is funny. I feel like if I could keep it lite just with a few comments I wouldn't feel more a part of conversations and not an outsider. I would take any ideas on how to learn how to keep things lite and joke around. Maybe it can't be learned at this late date :roll: but maybe it can : :? Help!

 

[maggie]

hey bashfulgirl...the main thing keeping me from being comfortable around others...is myself i guess...or just my inability to relax and be myself...i have a dorky..silly sense of humour and i find myself sometimes, trying to be funny and making jokes, just to hear other people laugh..that seems to relax me for some reason..but sometimes, the only person that ends up laughing is me...and that is embarassing :twisted:

 

[corrinaelizabeth]

ive always been told that i have no sense of humour,i dont get jokes etc etc but i was bullied at school so when a joke is aimed at me i have no idea how to react,i hate it,because i think the other person really thinks that about me etc if that makes sense lol
yes i would like to lighten up more but to do that i need to feel ok in that situation which is very rare!!!

 

[scatmantom]

i can relax around strangers alot better now. Exposure and learning social skills is a great way to manage. At first im still a little shy but after a while I can talk to most people (unless i find them attractive )

Having a job that forced me to speak to all kinds of people all day gave me alot more confidance with strangers.

 

[Si]

It's pretty simple really.The main thing that stops us from being comfortable around other people is that we are too worried about what they think of us, PERIOD!! If we could get around that (minor............not) obstacle then we would be sweet........but then we wouldn't have social anxiety either :? All I try to do is be myself, try my best to not give a shit about what others are thinking about me, and if you can crack a few jokes and put some smiles on faces it makes it a damn site easier.Sometimes it really does help to force yourself to converse.Because believe it or not, many normal people find it just as hard to communicate with others as well.For example the other night I was in a Take Away shop to pick up my dinner.There were 3 of us waiting at the time.No one was saying anything.The silence was deafening and I couldn't stand the anxiety anymore so I blurted out a comment about the weather.Before you know it us 3 strangers were having a conversation about all soughts of things.Sometimes you've just got to be bold and initiate.And when you do it feels so much better.

 

[Emma]

The main thing that stops me is that people think I am stupid and ugly and that they would never want to talk to me because I have nothing interesting to say.
I get so scared of speaking that I can't say anything, even if I want to, the words just won't come out, plus I blush really easily, and I for some unknown reason, start to cry a little bit.
plus people tell me I have a really sad and defeated face. and some man told me that he could see fear in my eyes when he looked at me and he could tell a mile off how shy I was, (what exactly is a mile anyway? We use kilometres here)
plus some lady said that everytime she sees me she sees an empty shell of a person, who's so beaten down by life and so depressed that she's just hiding away waiting to die, which is true, but that's the main thing

 

[someoneelse]

I have always thought that I had a quick sense of humour in social situations. Not so much around people I do not know well but around friends and family. As to people I meet for the frist time I sort of gauge the persons response to humour. Sometimes during serious conversations I keep serious and just go along. Then sometimes if I am comfortable I will make little joking comments. I could be humouress all the time I suppose becasue I really enjoy joking. I actually have to hold my tongue sometimes because sometimes it gets me in trouble. I have learned to hold myself back so there is no reason why someone can not learn to add humour to a conversation. Start slowly and just add little humour here and there and see how it goes.

 

[qipuqipu]

I find it so hard to express myself sometimes. I'll have a concept in mind but stumble around, trying to fit words together to express it in a semi coherent manner. Because I think that what I say will sound stupid, I'm really quiet as well. Bah. I'm so jealous of those talkative types that can make up jokes a nd one liner on the spot with complete confidence. I seriously don't know how they do it...

plus some lady said that everytime she sees me she sees an empty shell of a person, who's so beaten down by life and so depressed that she's just hiding away waiting to die, which is true, but that's the main thing

Oh man! That's such an awful thing to say!
...
Hug?

 

[maggie]

The main thing that stops me is that people think I am stupid and ugly and that they would never want to talk to me because I have nothing interesting to say.
I get so scared of speaking that I can't say anything, even if I want to, the words just won't come out, plus I blush really easily, and I for some unknown reason, start to cry a little bit.
plus people tell me I have a really sad and defeated face. and some man told me that he could see fear in my eyes when he looked at me and he could tell a mile off how shy I was, (what exactly is a mile anyway? We use kilometres here)
plus some lady said that everytime she sees me she sees an empty shell of a person, who's so beaten down by life and so depressed that she's just hiding away waiting to die, which is true, but that's the main thing

hey Emma, try not to let others get you down too much, i know it's hard though....you certainly don't sound stupid to me...and i would bet you're not ugly either...just try to hold your head up when these idiots who have this opinion of you are around.....and if you're like me, it's not that you don't have anything interesting to say, it's more that you have difficulty expressing yourself to others...and just haven't come across the people who are willing to stick it out with you and get through the tough spots...to get to the real you :wink:....i too have a bummed out look on my face lots of times, not necessarily cause i'm sad, but more because i'm uncomfortable...and nervous...i think that just comes hand in hand with anxiety....hang in there Emma...and don't put any weight into the remarks said by the insensitive creeps..cause they really don't understand what we go through :wink:

 

[blubs]

The main thing that stops me is that people think I am stupid and ugly and that they would never want to talk to me because I have nothing interesting to say.
I get so scared of speaking that I can't say anything, even if I want to, the words just won't come out, plus I blush really easily, and I for some unknown reason, start to cry a little bit.
plus people tell me I have a really sad and defeated face. and some man told me that he could see fear in my eyes when he looked at me and he could tell a mile off how shy I was, (what exactly is a mile anyway? We use kilometres here)
plus some lady said that everytime she sees me she sees an empty shell of a person, who's so beaten down by life and so depressed that she's just hiding away waiting to die, which is true, but that's the main thing

Hey Emma
People can be ****s. (Fill in appropriately to the amount you swear )
I recently had people saying horrible things about me like "what's wrong with her face?"...the answer to that is that I was listening to people being nasty about me! How happy should I have looked??
People can be very critical & judgemental...I don't know why
But not everyone is...chin up hun
& here's a big (((((HUG)))))
sounds like you need one xx

 

[blubs]

oh by the way...the thing you said about starting to cry a little bit..I get that!
I've never heard anyone mention that before...so thanks...always nice to know you're not alone